What's the weirdest things you've done to masturbate?

[Anonymous]

I'll start. Once when I was a teenager I tried the vacuum cleaner. The only reason I didn't hurt myself was it was a really fancy one that I could turn the suction right down on it. Felt pretty good *LOL* Also, I once put moisturizer in a smooth plastic bag and placed it between 2 mattresses and humped the hell out of the plastic bag. I can say these days that it's the closest to the feeling of finishing inside a woman. Share away! *LOL*

[Anonymous]

On a few occasions when I was not in a relationship and was willing to experiment, I inserted a disinfected, lubricated chopstick into my c*ck and literally f*cked it. I went in soft almost the full length and got an incredible rush and orgasm when I reached what I am pretty sure was the prostate. You asked. Kids, don't try this at home. Sounds bizarre, but it was satisfying.

[13seth]

When I was young and deprived of sex, I did the same thing with the plastic bags but put them in between pillows. It should be mandatory to recieve a stroker or fleshlight on your 12th birthday, keep us from hurting ourselves

[katiesmuff]

When I was younger I tried using a banana and thought it would feel better if I peeled it first. Well it did feel pretty good, but the end result was it broke off inside me and what a mess getting it out! That was a bit of a learning experience! lol

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl...and well..I had my way with a carrot. It was long ago, before I had acquired any battery operated toys. Enuff said. :-)

[half-pint]

Wait, are you saying you put a plastic bag between two mattresses THESE DAYS? Are you the same guy who anonymously asks the same squirting question? How old are you? Omg! I think we got one here...LMAO

[Asker]

I'm 30 and did it years ago. What's with the 'tude? If you don't have a story please don't post here, you're making little sense.

[half-pint]

Thought you were someone else ;)

[Asker]

Yeah I see that now. Can't say I don't agree with that poor chap honestly. Maybe you could concentrate on trying to help people instead of amusing yourself? Just a thought.

[half-pint]

Haha it IS you! I knew you wouldn't let it go....lol

[Asker]

????

[curvalicious]

I think the mattress idea is rather creative!

For myself, I used the jet in my friends hot tub. It was f***ing great!

[Purplecow]

When I first figured out masturbation, it was locked in the bathroom. There were empty TP rolls. I picked one up put it on and slid it down... and down and down and down and down

[PurpleSharpie92]

I have used a tennis racket end with a condom over it, it works every time lol

[Anonymous]

I once tried to put my d*** in a banana... it didn't feel as good as I'd hoped and it turns out little pieces of banana are a bitch to get out of your pubic hair.

[Asker]

I met a girl recently that told me she tried a banana............ but peeled it first! *LOL* She had to try to get it all out of her, apparently it took a while! hahaha