Is it bad to look for validation through sex, or even just male attention? Like needing sex not for pleasure.

OK basically I know I talk about how much I NEED sex and will have it with ANY GUY so long as he is hot (yet I have gotten chances and couldn't do it) I just get talked into things really easy, and I feel like sex = love and if a guy has sex with me he will love me and think I am pretty and wonderful, and so if one guy has sex with me easily, then he will tell his friends then they will all want to have sex with me and they will like me and think I'm pretty and funny and it will be great.. of course I can understand the flaws in my thinking BUT I just like male attention, I LOVE guys touching me and stuff, I always felt like if a guy wants to touch you (as long as he is attractive) you should let him, because there is no reason to not let him you know? And I just hate telling people no because... its so rude. I just.. I NEED to have sex because I need to be constantly told that I am pretty and feel wanted... I just... I feel like as long as the guy is hot I can sleep with him or be sexual with him... he can do whatever he wants to me (as long as he doesn't hurt me) but I don't... mind being.. like an object... its kinda sexy a little..? Is that bad?
Updates:
+1 y
The thing is I realize how bad it is... but its like beyond my control, I feel like if I have sex it will make me happy, like I am supposed to give pleasure or something. When I gave my first BJ literally I didn't need anything in return I just did it
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • That is wrong. You seem to have a very fragile mindset. I know a lot of guys who fck and chuck girls like it's nothing. If you ran into a guy like that, had sex with him, and thought he loved you because he slept with you, your heart would get crushed lol.. it sounds like you don't fully love yourself yet so how do you think you're gonna find a guy to love you? Guys can smell weakness and desperation. The "I'm so hot guys want me" feeling is fleeting. you will feel that way for a little while but afterward, when you really think about what happened and feel used, and when you see that guy later on and see him laughing with his friends wondering if he's told about what you did (he did) and later on hear how he discussed you and trashed you like a piece of garbage, you won't feel so hot and pretty. so if you need that feeling again, you'll go out and find another guy and repeat the process and go through the highs and the lows. Girl, it sounds like you are searching for something and you won't find whatever you're looking for from a hot guy. I went through a slutty period (well not technically because I gave head to 1 guy but flirted around and was a huge tease) well I learned that its best to be respected. you might have that "im so hot and sexy" feeling for a minute but you will feel like crap later because you know you're better than that

    I don't think you know what you want. because if you did just want sex then you would have had it by now. If you had this mentality towards sex that you say you have, you wouldn't be on here asking us for advice, right? You would have been there, done that and brought back the t-shirt. You are pushing guys away for a reason. look deeper inside yourself and find out what that is.

    but hey if you don't wanna listen to me, that's your right! you're a pretty girl, go out dress in your hottest outfit, meet a guy, get f***ed and come back and tell us how you feel!

    • there is nothing wrong, she likes sex. and pleasing others

    • of course you would say that, you just want more sluts around. pleasing others AT THE EXPENSE OF YOURSELF is a huge problem but hey you need girls like that to get laid huh?

  • i don't think having a bunch of guys talking about how they f***ed you would make you feel good.

    You obvioulsy have no self-esteem and looking for validation through sex is a proof.

    Actually, I know a girl like that. She sleeps with all the hot guys she sees. She takes all she can get from them. She always talk about the hot guy she f***ed during the week end or about how they always call her back for having sex... Its so disgusting. And that doesn't even make her feel better! She still thinks she's ugly and fat and stupid. She has no self esteem at all since she does that kind of stuff. She slept with like 20 guys since this summer.

    So... that being said. Do what you want to do. If that's what you want then go ahead. We all learn from our mistakes. If you think it isn't a mistake to act like a horny bitch looking for guys attention, then I don't know what to say to you :)

  • You know, something doesn't quite click with you.

    You have this need to be used as sex object, yet you're turning guys down.

    Sex doesn't make some guy think you're funny and pretty. He's going to f*** you, clean himself up, and get rid of you ASAP.

    Trust me: after enough of being treated like a cumdumpster, you will not feel wanted and you will definitely not feel pretty.

    But you know what? You already know all of this. And honestly? I think you're just asking this as a temporary way to get some attention. Or maybe you want someone to validate your reasoning behind f***ing random guys.

    Pretty soon, I think that you will stop getting responses here. So many people have reached out to you, but we can't help you if you don't help yourself.

    • Well the other questions were deleted... but basically I asked it because I need to rationalize in my mind and like organize my thoughts instead of just saying "I'm going to a frat house how can I get sex".. like of course I want to do that BUT I know its wrong.. which is why I can't bring myself to do it, BUT I would feel so much better if I did do it I think.. does that make any sense?

    • There is no rationalizing something like this. You won't feel better after it's done. I understand the thinking you have, be it quite irrational. I hate to be a Negative Nancy, but it has to be done.

    • Are you a virgin?? When did you start having sex??

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guys

  • You seem to have a good deal of insight. It is natural to enjoy attention from guys. It is natural to enjoy you touching them and them touching you. It probably isn't healthy for it to be the only way you feel validated. As you mentioned, you get hurt if you are turned down so your self esteem might be riding on another person's behavior. You might enjoy reading a book entitled, "The Sexual Life Of Catherine M." It chronicles a younger girl's sexual escapades without any judgment or moralizing to the story.

    The other consideration you may want to have yourself and/or other people getting hurt, physically or emotionally. Are you in risky situations when you do this-though I know that probably adds to the sex appeal of it. Is your judgment clouded by drugs or alcohol when you pick up guys? Watch the 1970s film "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" if you need to see the potential consequences of that. Are you pissing anybody off? Jealousy is a powerful emotion capable of making people psychotic. If not, enjoy and I hope I run into you sometime.

  • My best friend has told me about similar urges, and made the mistake of introducing me to a guy she was nailing while I was present (whom I quickly decked, for several reasons) but there is nothing actually wrong with it and I regret the way I reacted (well sort of. no one likes being **** blocked.). Humans are not at all designed to be monogamous. If you want to screw more guys, more power to you!

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

9 13
  • Your 19 right. Get over being a virgin and stop acting like a stupid kid. Either give yourself more respect and stop thinking in this stupid manor or go be a stupid slut. You said yourself you realize how bad it is, and it really is that bad. If you keep thinking this way no guy will respect you, I guarantee it. Don't expect to land a guy in bed and have him fall head over heals for you and live happily ever after. I don't know how serious you are being but that kind of behavior is unhealthy. You are making youself out to be f*** material not girlfriend material. Sure it's one of my fantasies to have permiscuous sex but I'm not gonna go sleep around. I'd like to say well if it makes you happy to think and be this way than go be that way, but I really don't see you being happy in the end.

  • It's bad. And you're in denial. You're a sexaholic, which is an actual thing. I'd Google it for you, but I'm sure you can handle it:)

    • how can I be a sexaholic when I haven't had it

  • I think it's great as I have the same idea about women. I can't seem to even look at a woman anymore without admiring some feature of hers. From there my imagination takes off to desire her sexually-whether I know her or not. I too am attractive, have no problem dating attractive and popular women but am constantly attracted to the mystery of the unknown. It's strange because my fantasies are about getting her off and less about my own personal needs.

    The fantasies and occasional real life situations rarely go beyond one encounter. It's simply if I see an attractive feature, face, legs, ass, t*ts etc. I will try to compliment them on something besides that. It has sometimes resulted in spontaneous, tremendous sex. Other times, I'll just get a smile.

    • Dude your a guy, of course you have the same idea about woman lol. Honesly what guy doesn't look at an attractive woman and say "id do her". Sorry if I'm cutting you short and you really do have an emotional probleme and you always feel the need for validity through sex. But come on

  • 'so long as he is hot'

    Well, at least you're applying SOME kind of a standard...

  • If you are showing men that you want to strongly have sex & are wiling to do it with anyone, you will attract the wrong guys. Sex does not equal love to these guys. Also, men are not attracted to needyness or desperation, so try to not to get so worked up over all this. Find something else to focus on & Mr. Right will come alone eventually.

  • I think you're going to be seriously disappointed when you actually do have sex.

  • masturbate

    and your idea of sex is a fantasy most girls have...

  • Well if your not looking to settle down with one guy I can assure you you will not be without guys.

    Of course most of what their telling you is a lie ...I mean we just want the sex and bjs from you. But hey you like it and you like to lie to yourself anyways so when they tell you how awesome you are believe it its as true as the fact that you like the guy your sleeping with.

    aside from that you will be considered sexy and guys will want you around. the only thing your not gonna get is a guy that wants to settle down with you cause your a known slutty girl. so if you just want sex your on the eright track if you want a relationship you have prob already screwed yourself.

    there is nothing wrong with wanting and liking sex obviously. Your just a girl willing to admit it and use it to get what you want which is attention, So at least your honest. And you get what you want so why are you asking others to judge your actions?

  • that's called being a slut

  • Isnt that basicly the way the world works? People wanting sex but only with people they think are a 10/10 on the hot scale. People get the belief if they can have sex with someone like that then every male/female wants them lol.

    As for you saying it makes you feel loved well yes for a short time and that's fine and all but where will these guys be afterwards? Plus If they still want to be friends I don't know many guys that would be happy seeing you get with other guys as well.

    • I don't want to date these guys just f*** them and never see them again

    • Well then it shouldn't matter if you feel loved. I'm sure you will find about 50% of the male population would be willing to help you with this.

    • .... good

  • Nothing wrong about it. and hey girl, I always liked your posts and your questions, I'm not sure on why people have this strong issue regarding your questions/answers/yourself. It must be jealousy, damn haters.

    • Thanks :)

  • Make sure you wait longer than 3 months. lol Don't wanna be a slut.

    • Don't joke with me.

    • Well you're gonna wait right? Otherwise you'll have to call yourself a slut.

    • ... can you go f*** yourself?

    • Show All
  • just do it and stop talking about doing it.

    • f*** you. I don't need you telling me what the f*** to do

    • damn bitch chill! all he did was tell you to do it and stop talking bout it he has a point and ps if a guy f***s you its because your an easy bitch

    • Well obviously I am not an "easy bitch" since I haven't let anyone f*** me yet... so stfu your an idiot obviously

    • Show All
  • Sexy.

  • find a professional to consult your problem.

    Guys like girls like you but they don't really respect them.

    You may get a lot of men into your bed in this way, but you can not get into their heart.

    • Well I would much rather be wife material than f*** material :)

  • of course it's bad. you have issues

  • you have security issues. It's one thing if you have sex for PLEASURE ONLY but for love? You are really going down a self destructive path.

    You have to respect your body. Men will respect you if you turn them down for a good reason (as opposed to some girls just bitchy for the sake of it). If you don't feel like having sex don't, if you do...then great.

    Promiscuity will wear you out and depress you eventually.

    • Being a virgin is depressing me now so... I would rather be promiscuous and have some fun

    • so you have fooled around with guys but never gone all the way? How old are?

    • Yeah lol and I am 19

    • Show All
  • I smell a troll.

    Do what you want with a guy, I don't think anyone can stop you at this point.

    For the sake of those that may seriously think the way you do, at least make sure you get tested for STIs and HIV.

    Condoms DON'T do diddly-squat on some STIs (i.e. Herpes)

    • Condoms protect against herpes don't they?

    • No, they don't. Herpes is passed on by skin to skin contact. There's the "mouth" herpes which gives you cold sores that are really easy to get and 90% of the population has them. Then there's "genital" herpes which you get down on your junk. If you have a herpes sore unprotected by a condom or even you use a condom without an herpes outbreak, the virus in your body could still be "active" and give the other person herpes. 1/4 sexually active people have an STI.

    • EWWWW! That's so gross! I didn't know that

    • Show All
  • WOW...HOT...READING THIS Q MADE ME HARD!

    click on 'AGREE' if you too felt it was HOT!

  • WHAT THE F***?

    of course nothing is wrong with that! perfectly normal! continue with your life.

  • Show More (2)