Is my girlfriend nervous about my body and why can't we have sex?

[rconnelly]

OK, well I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 8 or 9 months now. I've had girlfriends before her and have went as far as giving and receiving oral, however I am her first boyfriend. Basically we've fooled about and I've fingered her, and brought her to orgasm once, but she's never went near my penis (with hands otherwise). So I was very surprised when we were fooling around when she said that she wanted to have sex. So next time we were alone (we didn't have any condoms the first time) we decided to try it. (Sorry about getting a bit graphic here), so we started off taking cloths off each other which she seemed fine with, but after I had taken off her underwear, she seemed reluctant to go near my boxers to take them off, eventually after about 10mins I had to take them off myself. So anyway after I had gotten the condom on, we tried to have sex but I couldn't enter her at all, I don't know what went wrong but I just couldn't get inside her. So we gave up and it was really awkward for a while. Bu we gave it another try about a week later and same thing happened again, and this time I even lost my erection as well. I don't know what's going wrong or if there's something either of us can do to fix it. Another thing is that I've been trying to go down on her, just starting off kissing her gently all the way down her body and her legs but as soon as I go anywhere near the inside of her legs or her vagina she grabs my head and pulls me back up. It just seems really strange that she is OK with having sex but not with giving hand/blow jobs or letting me go down on her. This is all becoming really frustrating as this has been happening for a while. I love my girlfriend just want to know if there's anything I can do to make her more comfortable with my body and me going down on her. Also is there anything I can do to help us have sex because its getting really frustrating! Any suggestions would be most welcome

[mnb108]

I used to be the same way...i think you being able to see everything down there is probably a little uncomfortable for her...

When you're having trouble penetrating her, maybe she's not "ready"? I mean, when you finger her, is she well-lubricated? The thought of sex is probably scary to her & when it's about to happen, she probably loses all her desire to have sex...It can be really scary unless you're extremely horny...took me a long time to have sex. If she isn't "ready", try oral with the following advice:

As a girl who used to be really shy about oral, (& penises), when you're kissing her body, tell her you want to taste her & make her feel good...convince her you LOVE doing that...it's like a blow job for a guy...it's WAYY better when you're really into it.

My boyfriend & I have been together for a little over 6 weeks and I was really reluctant to let him go down on me the first time, but he told me he wanted to taste me & that he loved doing it, so that convinced me to let him & it was awesome.

If you need to, get lubrication. It will help even if she is already wet. Make sure you hold her & show her you care about her...she might be scared of going this far with you & then the possibility of you leaving...or not caring, or that she'll feel used.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

[rconnelly]

Thanks for your answer. Thats the bit that's so confusing, if she's not ''ready'' why did she suggest it, I wasn't pushing or asking, I assumed she would make a move on me when she was comfortable. Yes, when I finger her she seems to really enjoy it (moaning etc) and she get well-lubricated herself. She just seems to be sending me some mixed signals at the moment by saying she wants sex, but not wanting to go anywhere near or touch my penis.

[mnb108]

She probably knows you want it and wants to please you by giving it to you...but she's having a hard time convincing herself that its okay... Like I said, from my own experience, that was what I did...i did it hoping I'd keep him longer or that he'd like me more etc...but that's prob a diff story...Anyways, talk with her about it...took me a few years & the perfect man to help me to stop feeling used & guilty about it..

[timetowaste]

She's just nervous about it all. She's never done anything sexual, so it's quite possible she feels like she just doesn't know what to do. How she should handle your penis, how she should touch it, etc. She's too tensed up and nervous, and that's why you have trouble getting it in. She needs to relax, and it will be easier. She might be just as nervous about receiving oral as well, that's why she locks up and doesn't want you down there. Ask her about it.

[rconnelly]

Thanks for your answer. So how do I go about making her feel more comfortable? And if she's so nervous about it, why did she suggest it, I wasn't pushing or asking, I assumed that she wasn't ready for it because she wouldn't touch me, so I was just waiting. But now I'm confused because she seems to be sending me mixed signals.

[Rinaxo]

So why are you OK with going down on here even tho she won't return the favour?

[rconnelly]

Because I love her and I want her to feel good.

[poulette12]

She needs time to get used to it. You have to talk about it with her. Sometimes, words help a lot. She might also be self conscious about you going down on her (your face is right there, you see more when giving oral than when having sex). If she doesn't feel comfortable with your body because she isn't used to it that's normal. She may also be embarrassed by her lack of skill (at giving handjobs and blowjobs). All these are suppositions.