Sexual Health
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Still a virgin at 21?

im 20, almost 21 and still a virgin. I recently dated my first real boyfriend. When I told him I was a virgin, he started treating me like a little kid. He was also a pig and would have totally held it above me, sorta notch on his belt idea. What makes it worse it that I told my friend at the time that I was a virgin and she said she wouldn’t tell anyone, but she told ALL his friends, which was super awkward and embarrassing. They all also felt the need to ask me about how many guys I had slept with, when they already knew the answer, which was super bitchy. So long story short, we broke up, never had sex, and we don’t ever talk. Now I'm freaking out because I feel like there is something wrong with me.There's no reason that I'm still a virgin, I just used to be a little shy. I'm not waiting for religious reasons, and I'm far from ugly. I'm torn between thinking its really embarrassing, or if it’s a good thing to be virgin. I'm really confused. I just really don’t want my next boyfriend to treat me like my last one, so I'm considering lying, also so that MORE people won't know who I lost it to, and when ect. I find it a really personal issue and the whole experience was traumatizing. Any advice or comments would be appreciated. And honest ones too, not just the “oh its not that big of deal”, “wait for the right guy” type deal. Because until your in my position, you don’t know how big of deal it really is.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The truth is girl, your getting with the wrong guys. I'm talkin about assholes who are focused on just sex in a relationship. if a man can't respect this about you, then you shud feel above him because you are. I find it very very attractive and self-assuring to seekin out a girl whose a virgin. I am not a virgin and far from it but I'm really tryin so hard to stay celibate and be in a relationship where I can learn to know and love a girl before we ever think about takin this step and a virgin would definitely be the right kind of girl. So in my opinion don't ever think that their is something wrong with you because it is just the total opposite. and honestly I know you said that you don't want to hear people say," wait for the right guy,: but to be honest, it is the truth. you still have this special gift to give to someone so don't go ruining it on some asshole. because I'm tellin you girl you will definitely regret and if you do, you'll probably be more prone to sleepin with the same kind of guys, which I'm tellin you from my experience as a man and being a former asshole/player or whatever you wanna call it. it is definitely the wrong way to go. and as for a\your friend tellin all your guy friends this. one word what a stinkin BITCH!. a friend who would degrade her friend in this area is no friend at all and is definitely just jealous of who you are and envies this part of u. and I meant it, that is downright BULLSHIT! for her to just disrespect you like that. I just can't stand people like this. They ain't got no damn respect for others, especially their so-called friends. So hun pz take my word for it when I say you are valued in being a virgin. Look at it this way, when girls were stolen and sold as sex slaves kings and high-powered people would pay way more for a virgin then they ever would some girl that isn't. and I know this may come off wrong but I'm not meaning it to be. but all I'm tryin to say if this is the story of virgins then it must mean a lot and must be worth more than we seem to understand. Now when guys tease and make fun of you for this, truth is, its because they want it, but don't know how to get it from u, so they got to talk sh*t, but this is definitely the wrong type of guy you would want to give it to. Find a guy who respects and admires your virginity and not some asshole who spits game at you and says they respect it but all they do is try to get it from u, these are the sneaky types and will only go spreading this around to their friends once they take it. be smart and cautious of guys who may seem like their being honest and really find the ones who you can tell are being for real. these will be the ones who don't talk about it, don't bring it up, who are I guess you can say shy and conservstive as well. hope this helps hun. I thought I had more to say but that's it for now, if you got question or comments please wrtie them down I have no problem hearing them. take care hun.

  • "until your in my position, you don’t know how big of deal it really is"

    We were all virgins once, so we all know how big a deal it was. What we have that you don't, is hindsight. You'll have that too, soon enough; then it won't be a big deal for you, either.

    How would "wait for the right guy" be a dishonest answer? You know it's true; otherwise, you would have slept with the Pig and there'd be no discussion.

    What I gather: you want a boyfriend, you eventually want someone to have sex with, you're not scared of boys, and you have no objection to a good lay.

    Obvious tip: no more Pigs. This is brings up a good reason to tell the truth about your virginity; you can dump him when he goes *sshole.

    Obvious tip #2: no more blabbermouth friends. Same thinking, same reasons.

    Otherwise, don't do anything special; date boys, make the nicest, hottest one your boyfriend, and then your first lay.

Most Helpful Girls

  • No, don't lie :)

    Your ex was not a pig because you were a virgin, he's an asshole because its how he is. & SAs I'm sure you realize your so called 'friend' was no better actually worse imp.

    You will meet someone who likes you for you & is cliche but its true. & That person will not only respect that you waited but have respect for you because you did. & He'll want it to be special for you which os a much better experience. If you lie the guy won't know to be gentle, & that will impact the quality physically if not emotionally & spiritually.

    What you are tempted to do now- lie- that's what people do ALL the time. Either verbally or physically -by having sex with someone they don't like just so they can say they had sex. So it shows strength of character to not give in. Its not the issue of being a virgin or not, but not giving into pressure to change yourself for others.

    So just hang in there, ignore people I mean it rally requires a very low level of consciousness to think it reasonable to hold above someone, an act that any animal can do & have been doing for thousands of years, Its so absurd it should be humorous to you not humiliating :-)

  • Sounds like you were hanging out with losers! good thing he found out cause he was a jerk and DEF not the right guy for you... A lot of guys love the idea of a virgin, you should be proud and should not feel pressured to have sex just because other people may think that you should have. I am also a virgin and I am almost 23! Yes, I want to have sex really bad, but what's more important to me than that, is doing it when I feel like it's the right time.. and I trust that I'll make the right decision. I look forward to it, and I am excited about it... I have no regrets thus far and the fact that you still have your virginity is rare... rarity is a good thing. Think of it this way, while all those other people couldn't resist sex, were pressured into having sex, or just didn't care and did it for the hell of it, you have saved it! It's a beautiful gift that you can share with someone worthy of it.

    Anyway, bottom line, have sex when YOU are ready, not when everyone else thinks you're ready (aka the past) and like I said, virginity is a good thing unless you're like almost 30 cause that may indicate problems! Also, make better friends and get better guys in your life :)

  • People on here say their friends make fun of them for being virgins,yet I always wonder "where in the f do you people find your friends?" I myself am a virgin and so are the girls in my close group of friends,but I have other friends who aren't...where I'm from virginity is just whatever.Nothing to make fun of or place a heavy emphasis on.

    1)Virginity is private.One rule I have,is I don't talk about my personal life to friends,not even my closest.Whether you're a virgin or not is nobody's business.Girls need to learn to be more secretive and less trusting.

    2)You need to be pickier about guys...apparently he was a "bad one"

    3)You're 21 dear,not 51,worry if you're still a virgin 30 years from now.It's nothing to be embarrassed about.EVERYONE was a virgin at one point or another...it's a part of life.To be honest,if I had "friends" who said that,I'd be like "how many STDs have you had?"

    4)To me virginity is nothing to be ashamed or proud of,but you make it into what you want to.If you make it embarrassing,then that's how you'll see it,if you make it into nothing,it'll be nothing.What would you gain from lying?Nothing.

    • I LOVE this answer. Especially number 1, girls should definitely be more private about everything.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • well that was very low of your friend and him to treat you like that. But you need to realize we live in a world of sex is the big thing! you don't have it people are goign to think your weird and somethign is wrong with you. I mean put it this way america is spoiled with cellphones, computers, tons of video game system, ect. if you went up to someone and ask what kind they had and they told you they didn't have any of that how would you react? shocked?,feel bad?, get the urge to tell? its human nature to want to share news you recieve reguardless of how its going to make the person feel. I don't think you should lie to your next boyfriend about being a virgin because then your not being true to him, and how fair is that? Just be honest and you will find the right guy for you. :)

  • I didn't even have my first kiss till I was 19. I lost my virginity only recently to the same person. Before I met him, I had no idea when I would even have my first date because I was shy and didn't meet many guys. I was lucky to have a group of friends who also didn't date much, so having no experience didn't affect my social life. But I can see how your situation would be traumatizing.

    I think the main thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with you. You can be smart and beautiful and everything else and still be a virgin. There are more virgins out there than people realize I think. So don't feel bad. Just be yourself and focus on other things in your life. You never know when the right person will come along.

  • i'm almost 21 and never so much as a held a guy's hand. do i give a damn? no. i've had a bunch of guys ask me out, but i was too busy with school and then uni and my job. i am now ready to date, and if a guy has a problem with my virginity, then i could care less. if the asshole ever truly loved you, he wouldn't have reacted the way he did. he just wasn't worth it. you should be glad he skedaddled.

  • I think it is a big deal, and just because he treated you as a kid doesn't mean he didn't love you maybe it is just because he like taking care of you like a kid like watch over you all the time.

    • S.A.V.B.A.G

  • 21 and same problem as u

  • I am 19 and a virgin and I feel the same way like I don't know if its good or bad because all the guys I have ever told about it make comments like "ew why" or something like that and its like humiliating.. I would just lie about it that's what I am gonna do :) Good luck

  • your not alone

  • I know how you feel its OK. I'm 22 and still have never had sex. 2 years ago when I was dating a girl few years younger then me who I really liked I told her I was virgin and she started making jokes about me being a "little boy" and "not a real man yet" and as much as it upset me I still really liked her and tried to get her to look past that but she eventually dumped me for a guy who wasnt.

    • That's cold man. You're probably better off anyhow.

  • My situation was similar to yours. I was a virgin until the night before my 25th birthday, and although I never had anyone make fun of me for it, I still struggled with trying to decide if it was something I should be embarrassed about or something that I was OK with. I also wasn't waiting for a religious reason or anything like that, I was very shy in high school and through a lot of college.

    The good news is that you will find someone who doesn't think it's a big deal and will be very understanding and gentle and willing to make your first time a wonderful experience. Whatever you do, don't lie about it, it will come up eventually, and it's better for them to know from the beginning.

    Don't force it, it will happen when it's supposed to. I know it can be frustrating at times, but be patient, and when it happens, it will be perfect. It was for me. Even though my boyfriend was not a virgin when we started dating, he took the time to make sure that I was comfortable and made sure that my first time was what it should be.

    I hope this helps!

    A

  • The longer you are a virgin, its starts playing with your mind. Makes you feel odd, different, and not good enough. I got rid of mine with a pro at 20, not proud but I just wanted it gone so I feel normal.

    Lets say you wait for and find the right guy, your viriginity may spoil it because its becomes the

    elephant in the room that becomes the center of attention and you will not focus on each other or the relatiionship, just your virginity. And besides, first times usually suck. (You are waiting for mr right to have your crappy first time

  • its really not a big deal. I didn't have sex till I was 22. I have also slee with a few women whose first time it was and nothing about the relationship changed when she told me she was one. I think you just found a bad guy and I'm sure someone better will come along.

  • I'm sort of in your position, I'm still a virgin but I've turned down girls because I didn't want to get in bed with a slutty girl or take advantage of a girl that was wasted.

    People will find it weird especially if you're good looking. However it will be a good indicator of what type of person you're dating, if they make a big deal about it then it probably means that guy just wants to get in your pants whereas if he doesn't mind or is willing to work with it and not force things on you then probably a guy that actually wants to have a relationship with you.

    It is what you make it, don't let it bother you instead use it to your advantage to figure out what kind of guy your dating.

  • I'm still a virgin at 25, quit your complaining.

    • OMG... really? That's sad I'm sorry

    • really?

    • I don't think that's a bad thing

    • Show All

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