Why does my boyfriend have nude pictures and videos of his ex?

[Anonymous]

He still has pictures of his ex and videos of them f***ing.we share the same computer sometimes when mine isn't working. Well I knew at one point in time he had nude pictures of his ex. He told me he deleted them. Well turns out he has almost 50 pictures of her naked body and plenty of videos of them f***ing on a disk he leaves in his computer case. Not too mention 3 other disk of them. What I don't get is why he would lie about this.We have been together for over a year or so known each other for 6 years, and now live together.I don't understand why he would keep these unless if he isn't over her.I don't get why he lied to me and told me he deleted them. I don't know why he wants to keep them I would never keep dirty pictures of an ex in our apartment.These disk were right by our couch where we both sit every night. I just don't get it. I know I was snoopy and shouldn't have been snooping but he acted strange when he said he hid a disk in our apartment so it doesn't get lost.I questioned why he even hid it like who is going to steal a disk. I wanted to know what he was hiding and now I regret even snooping because now I am pist and heart broken. He would be too if he found out that I looked at his pictures but come on why does he even have to have them in our apartment.Within a few feet from where I sit every night? What the f***. Now I don't know if I should say something to him or not. I am just sick to my stomach. PLEASE HELP ME!

[Anonymous]

Gosh, you have every right to feel upset. I can't imagine how that would make me feel...

While I don't think he should have them at all, I can see why he might still have them.

Theres a chance he IS over her, and just keeps it because it's personalized p*rn, made just for him. She'd probably just a body to him now, so it's like watching p*rn. That being said, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt since you've been together for so long. The fact that he let you use his computer shows that he isn't constantly watching or looking at them, so it may have slipped his mind that he even had it. He trusts you with his stuff, and while he IS hiding it, he doesn't seem like he's hiding it because he's not over her because if that were the case he would make it IMPOSSIBLE to find.

And he was probably hiding it because it is a sex tape, if your house was robbed and they found that it would be posted everywhere, ruining his rep and career most likely.

I suggest you talk to him about it, but this shouldn't lead to an argument, it should lead to an understanding. You should definitely say something, or else its just going to build up and make you more upset, which isn't healthy.

A good way to approach it would be first think about what you're going to say and what you hope to get out of this convo, as well as how much you're willing to compromise.

When you have a clear head, when the anger lessens, approach him calmly and just tell him what happened.

"Baby, I was on your computer and I accidentally found somethings that made me upset. I found some images of your ex and it made me feel uncomfortable. Is there a reason why you keep them?"

I need you to prepare for the worst, though. He might not want to delete them, and get upset for you snooping. If he does get upset about you snooping explain "I know I'm in the wrong, and trust me, after finding this I'll never snoop again because it hurt me so much. I didn't do it with malice, I didn't intend or expect to find anything" (unless you did, make sure not to lie about anything).

He'll get defensive, most likely. If so, just tell him "I don't want this to be an argument, I just want to know why. I want to make sure we come to an understanding, I'm not doing this to get you upset. I'm doing it because I'm hurt, I just want to talk it out so we can get over this and have a clear understanding for what is okay and what isn't. I get it, snooping is not okay"

Remember, there's a chance he won't delete them. And for your sake don't ask if he ever looks at them, in my opinion, I wouldn't want to know. I think the main issue is to know why he's keeping them. I think once you guys talk it out, you'll find that you're his main girl and he only keeps them around because it was made for him, probably by him. I'm not saying it's right, but I think you'll have to come to an agreement with him on how this will be handled.

[Asker]

Thankyou for your comment! I will try to calm down before he gets home tonight. I feel sick. I don't get why he would tell me over and over he deleted the pics when he just collected them onto a disk.

[Anonymous]

I myself, am going through something similar. Recently, my live-in boyfriend of 3 years and I just moved into a new house. He calls me up to ask me to find his glasses because his contacts are irritating his eyes. So I am going through his boxes looking for them when low and behold, I find some pictures. Curiosity gets the best of me so I open the pack and start looking. The first few are innocent with him at the beach probably taken like 15 years or so ago... but then I see him and what I assume is an ex... still nothing serious... then the x-rated pics come up... and I mean x-rated! Ihave seen more of that other woman's body then she has! The things that hurt the most was that A. He still has them in our family home B. There are things she was doing to him that he doesn't let me do C. I find it hard to believe that he doesn'tknow they are there because he had to of packed that box himself because I have never seen it before! What sucks even more is that my 10 year old daughter was right next to me and I had to push her away real fast so she didn't see anything! I am hurt and have no idea what to do?

[user6868]

What ever became of this situation? Currently going through something similar.

[Anonymous]

Just because he has all these images doesn't mean he looks at them.

Talk it out point by point when you calm down

[13seth]

I still have pics of a girl from 6 years ago that I have no feeling for. Its very hard for a guy to give up nude pics and videos. I would suggest you be honest with him, let him know it bothers you and maybe make some of your own, this would make it an easier decision to get rid of them.

[Asker]

why is it so hard for you to let go though?and are you in a committed relationship? but don't you think it is disrespectful if the person you were with kept dirty pictures of someone else in your apartment right under your nose?isn't that a sign of disrespect?

[goflipaburger]

I don't think men think of it as disrespectful because it doesn't mean much to them. If he understand why they aren't together and has no feelings for her, he probably keeps them as memories. I think if he did still think of her at all romantically, you wouldn't be able to find them at all and I doubt you would have known the material existed in the first place because he feels the dire need to hide it.

[Asker]

That's so disturbing makes a women want to turn les lol.oh and goflipaburger:he did hide them he went to extreme lengths to keep them from me and lied many of times saying he deleted them...what does that mean?now I'm wondering if he thinks about her while he sleeps with me...:(

[13seth]

I am married 6 years with 2 kids, never will cheat or leave her. It is not a sign that he still has any connection, its almost like keeping a poster from a concert you've been to. The dishonesty thing is reason to be upset, the nude pics and vids may not be as big a deal as you think though.

[Asker]

ya I think it is the lying and hiding that makes me angry. I just don't get why he didn't tell me he didn't delete them. makes me wonder what else he has lied about

[goflipaburger]

I know that if this were to happen to me, I would also suspect him to be emotionally attached to her. But since I'm not in the situation, I can see why he would keep them. I agree with Seth; they lying is a beyond reasonable reason to be upset, the imaged not so much. Even tho he did hide them, you obviously found them pretty easily. I think if he still had feelings for her, that stuff would be impossible to find and you would not be allowed to touch his computer in the first place

[goflipaburger]

Also, don't worry so much about what else he might be hiding. He's probably not hiding anything. When you talk to him, tell him how you except him to be honest with you. Honesty and communication are key, talk to him about why he lied, but I would only let the images be a small portion of the problem. Tell him you want reassurance, ask him to help you feel more comfortable with these images by telling you why he keeps them and why he lied. I think that should clear things up

[Anonymous]

I have nude pics of every woman I've seriously dated in my computer and backed up on CD just in case the computer crashes. I don't look at them at all really but I'm not ever getting rid of them either. It doesn't mean I love a woman any less by saving those old pics, it's just memories.

[Asker]

see I don't get it what would your future wife say about those. I believe that if you truly love somebody you don't hide that sh*t or collect naked pictures and videos of another women...i'm confused why men do this?i understand regular p*rn but having pictures of ex's to me shows their is still a emotional connection.i guess it's my fault for snooping I guess the saying is true curiousity killed the cat lol...

[Opinion Owner]

I actually don't have any emotional connection to those women anymore and in fact I actually hate one of them. I'm still keeping the pictures though. I guess we save it because it is p*rn we made so it is better than regular p*rn as you call it. I save a lot of regular p*rn also. I don't know what it is really but guys just save crap like that. If everything else in your relationship is great there is no reason to think he doesn't love you.

[Asker]

ok since it is aparently no big deal to the men should I just let it slid and never bring it up because if I say something it's for sure going to make me look like the insecure paranoid afraid person that I am...:(

[Opinion Owner]

I would just ask him if he ever thinks about his old girlfriends and ask what is better or not better about your relationship compared to his past ones. Of course you already know he is going to say he is much happier with you (it's true or he would still be with the ex) but maybe hearing him say it will help you believe it.