Having sex with someone while they are sleeping??

My husband and I have been back together for a year since your separation for 6 months. I told him when we got back together that things had to change I wasn't happy the way they were but I love him and wanted to give him a chance. He has put a little more effort into it but not even close to what I expected to get from him. Then he started saying how he didn't want to hold my hand anymore becuase it made his sweaty. Then it was he didn't try to kiss me when we made love. He said it took his spit away and gave him dry mouth! Then last night I took my medication the doc prescribed for me to sleep and went to sleep. He came home I guess around 1 am and I was awoken in my sleep with him behind me going at it. It scared the sh*t out of me. Then he just stopped and got up and went and slept on the couch. Then woke up this morning and just left again. What am I supposed to think from that?


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  • Just so you know --- there was NO consent in this action. This qualifies as abuse/rape. Get out of this relationship.

    The cycle of abuse is a circular pattern most abusive relationships follow:

    1) A honeymoon or seduction phase (some people call it the remorse stage), a state when both partners are happy to be in a relationship, and at a point where the relationship is enjoyable, romantic. This phase can feel like a time when there isn't any abuse, even though it's a key part of abuse, since without it, no one would wind up in an abusive relationship or stay in one: it's the "hook" an abusive person relies on to get their partner and keep their partner sticking around.

    2) The tension phase, when the couple is getting into small arguments, and the abuser becomes frustrated with their partner. Even if an abused partner tries very hard not to do things they know will lead to attacks, an abuser will usually find, during this phase, things which will eventually result in the next phase.

    3) The last stage is the abuse phase, or the explosion phase, where one specific incident leads to an explosion of anger, in the form of physical, sexual, verbal or other attacks.

    4) The abuser then quickly defaults into the honeymoon or seduction phase to make up for their behavior. They will probably apologize at this time, may give gifts or be very romantic, and even though they may also still tell the abused person the explosion was that person's fault, not their own, they will generally try and be as nice as they can, and try and gain the sympathy of the person they are abusing.

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      I agree with what you say. He has always been like that he will act sweet and caring and then just stop and do whatever he wants until I get so upset that I say I am leaving then he goes right back to being sweet and caring again. that is what kills me.

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      OK, great. First step is realizing/accepting. You need to leave this relationship. I hope that you do. Good luck.

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      So agree. No you need to leave him, for good.