How to react to something like this?

[Anonymous]

Last night I was laying here watching movies with my fiancé and he got a message on facebook. We both read it at the same time and it was from a girl saying he had a two and a half year old daughter. We have been dating 15 months so he didn't cheat or anything. But he just kinda blew it off while I was freaking out about it. He acted like he didn't really want to talk about it so I figured I would think about it and try to casually talk after I had calmed down some. Well he messaged her back today and they talked and she said it is someone in his families. Long story short, she dated two of his cousins also and one of them had a DNA test. It came back negative but they said it is someone in the families. The thing is, we now live 12 hours away so it will be hard to do a DNA test. We are trying to figure it out, and if she is his I would like for him to have some part in her life. The mother says she doesn't want child support or anything, but he doesn't want to tell my family or our friends until we know if she is his. So I am not mad about it, things happen and I know this. But I can't talk to anyone about it and I'm not really sure how to react. It's hard for me to find something like this out and not talk. But, I want him to know he can trust me and talk to me about anything. So I need some help figuring out how to react to this, what to say, etc.

[Thiezz]

I would react surprised, to say the least, and somewhat suspicious. So we have this girl who screwed me and my two cousins three years ago, in such close succession to the point where she was unable to figure out which one made her pregnant (she had unprotected sex with each of us in a time period of about a month?). Then she kept her pregnancy a secret (at least I assume she did, I suspect, like me, your guy would have gotten suspicious if a girl gave birth 9 months after the two of us had sex...), until at some point between now and two and a half years ago my cousin got a DNA test (when? why?), and now they suspect me (and not my other cousin?) of being the father.

The story sounds somewhat outlandish, but it might be worth checking out. Careful though, if he proves he is the father, the mom may still be entitled to child support if she ever changes her mind about that.

[Asker]

Well, he moved 12 hours away after his divorce ( she was a rebound after his divorce) but I'm more concerned that he had unprotected sex with her ( she is on all kinds of drugs apparently) and then didn't even care about the outcome. He has been tested for stds so at least I'm good on that part, but I do think it is something he should have brought up before having sex with me. But I'm nervous that if I get pregnant he might act the same way.

[Thiezz]

Act how? If you got pregnant but neglected to inform him until three years later, surely some initial reluctance and skepticism is to be expected? This child is barely his. He's never seen her before, he never knew about her existence, he has had no part in his life, and if it weren't for a DNA test he could never even have known that he was her father. This whole situation is nothing like a normal pregnancy.

[Asker]

It has just been a weird day, I'm not thinking normally I guess.

[Anonymouser]

It's a strange situation to suddenly be thrown at you. What about the other cousin she dated? Could it be his? I find it kind of strange that this girl suddenly is approaching him about it now. If she's two and a half, why is this the first time you're hearing about her? Wouldn't she have wanted him to know about it earlier?

[Asker]

That's what I thought. That's why I'm freaking out. I don't know why she would wait so long. It could be the other cousins but I just saw a picture of her and she looks just like my fianc?. I'm betting she is his, but I don't know how to react.

[Anonymouser]

I know you need to support him, but he needs to understand how hard this is for you too. Has he made an effort to try to see your viewpoint and how freaked out you are?

[Asker]

I've only talked to him on the phone because he is at work. All he keeps saying is that he doesn't want me to be mad he wants me to calm down some so we can figure it out together. I don't know what to do. I need to wait until he gets home and talk about it I guess. It's just confusing.

[Anonymouser]

Yeah it's probably a better idea to talk about it in person. You just have to explain how hard it is to just suddenly find out he has a child with someone else. If that really is even his.

[mormollio]

Why did the baby momma say this over facebook and why is she waiting 'til now to do/say something about it? There's something off about this...

[Asker]

I have no idea. I just know we are in the stages of figuring it out.

[Anonymous]

Maury will solve your problem :)

[Asker]

Thank you for being rude. You have your problems too, maybe we should all go on Maury. People like you aggravate me. Instead of saying something that is not useful to anyone you should try and not be a jackass.

[Opinion Owner]

being on maury: -get dna results -earn money from the show -might have a good time -vacation :)

[braindamage2]

Wow you're an ass

[Asker]

Being on Maury= everyone knowing my business and bad publicity. And seeing we are trying to keep it secret until we know if she is or not, that probably wouldn't be the best thing to do...