Should I tell him he gave me an STD?

[Anonymous]

So I had a best friend that I grew up with. He's a baseball star and everything and he's going to go pro one day. We always hung out as just friends since we were little. About a month ago he told me how in love he was with me and that he was going to marry me one day. I didn't want that at all! I mean that's usually how it happens but I felt like it'd be better if he waited a little longer like till we were almost graduated from college to say any of that to me. I love him just as my best friend right now. After he told me that, we had a few drinks and he kissed me out of nowhere. I was like "nooo this is weird!" but it felt so right and we ended up going all the way... We're still friends and we still talk all the time and it's not awkward at all. This was a month ago. Two weeks after having sex, I noticed things were wrong with me. Turns out I was diagnosed with Genital herpes Type I. I found this out yesterday and I know for a fact that he's the one who gave it to me because the time before him that I had sex was like 6 months before. I don't sleep around, I'm not a dirty girl, and I take good care of myself! I'm okay with it now because I just have to keep my immune system strong and keep my stress down and exercise and hopefully an outbreak won't appear. My only problem now, is wondering if I should tell him or not... Do you think he already knew? If I should tell him, how do I tell him? What do I say? I'm going to feel so embarassed! I don't know what to do and I can't talk to anybody else for advice because they'll just turn around tell somebody and I don't want anybody to know about this! Only person who knows is my mom and my cousin! Please help, what do I do?

[honeyltsme]

Definitely tell him.

I would have him pay for your medication or whatever you need to care for that thing.

Either way, he spreads it either knowingly or unknowingly. My hunch is the former, i.e. he knew, as to the best of my knowledge there are almost no (or none ever) cases without initial symptoms or 1st outbreak. If he knew and still chose to not use a condom, then regardless of his words, claims, wishes, intentions, and supposed plans, in actual fact he does not care two bits about you.

But regardless of whether you want to accept that at this time or not, he is a baseball star and he is and he will continue to be, getting around. I do not think it's the right thing for him to be in the dark, or to be able to pretend to be in the dark.

The tougher thing for you is you should have the courage to tell your future sex partners that you have genital herpes, before you have sex with them. The reasoning is, they are even more likely to leave you if you tell after, than before. I know I would - I'd be livid and feel manipulated. So you either tell upfront, which makes you a good honest person, or you never tell, which makes you same as your aseball star or worse.

And never again have unprotected sex, as even slight deterioration of mycose layers in your vagina due to even minor herpes lesions render you exponentially more susceptible to getting additional STDs, whose entry could have been thwarted by a non-herpes-affected organ.

[DaveMicharl69]

I think you should. If he doesn't know, not getting treated could lead to serious problems. IF he did know, then no punishment's too good for him for not having told you & taking propper precautions. Anyay, you did NOTHING wrong & have NOTHING to be embarressd about. I understand you wanting to keep it mostly private, and I would too, but in terms of telling him, either you're both victims of unfortunate circumstance, or HE should be ashamed and/or embarressed...

[heatherlu]

Yes tell him.

For starters, these things can take a long time to show up - so it could have been from the previous partner, in which case, he needs to know incase you infect him.

But yes, the timing does seem to suggest it's from him.

I'm hoping he didn't know he already had it - I'd like to think that if someone had an infection or disease they knew they could pass on to me, that they'd tell me.

There's no way for sure you can tell if he knew before hand or not - unless he tells you he did.

Just tell him what's happened.

What you have.

How he was the last person you had sex with - and you hadn't shown symptoms previous.

That you suspect it could be from him, but don't accuse him.

And that it might be a good idea for him to get checked out.

Be mature about it.

[Ladie_kay]

If he does Yes you should tell him. That issue is not something to play around with and take lightly. If you are 100% sure he gave it to you. Tell him. If he didn't know then now you know that things like this happen with no precautions. If he did know then he does not love you straight up no matter what sweet talk he tries to put in your head. This issue is not to be ignored. It takes two people for something to happen and it only takes one to make a smart choice. If not for him do it for you . Tell him girl. Don't sit around. If he does not think he gave it to you then you tell him if you really loved me you will get yourself tested and we will know once and for all!

[Cartiphilus]

Yes, tell him. He'll probably call you a liar and a slut but you should tell him.

[sealevel27]

Wow, that really sucks. Sorry.

How do you know it wasn't from your partner 6 months ago? The first outbreak can happen 6 months after infection.

But let's assume it was from him. It's possible that he knew, and it's also possible he didn't know. What if he contracted it just a few weeks earlier and hadn't yet had an outbreak? You should tell him about it. Why?

1. If he knew he had herpes, hopefully he'll fess up once you confront him. Infecting someone like that is one of the scummiest things a human being can do.

2. If he didn't know he has herpes, well, now he'll know and he can go to the doctor early.

3. Or if you caught it from your partner 6 months ago, now this current guy will be aware that he might be infected.