Caught boyfriend masturbating?

I came home from work to find my boyfriend masturbating. He said he was just getting started. and was about to go to bed. Of course I was upset.

Previous night he didn't want to have sex with me. So I was like wtf? I told him it really disturbed me.

According to him, he's not a sexual person. The reason being is that he was sexually abused as a child. So I am very understanding when he turns me down for sex.

But him masturbating just confused me.

So after catching him, he gave me his speel about not being sexual, he was trying to get some sleep. but felt so disgusting masturbating. that he stopped. I was there for him, comforting him. saying that I care for him, etc.

After he fell asleep, I layed there. really really bothered by this. almost broken hearted. I went into the kitchen and found the "paper towel" he was using the "clean the lotion off with". without even touching it. it reeked of cum. so after that I looked on his computer. LOTS of porn.

I came back in here, confronted him. asked him to explain. got upset. he yelled at me, saying I didn't trust him, and after all that he has told me. all of the things we talked about. I did that. still denying the fact that he came.

So he's packing up all of his things and leaving me. I don't get it.

It's NOT that I don't trust him, and I told him that.

I don't want him to leave me over something like this. what should I do?

Updates:
He doesn't masturbate, EVER. He doesn't even like porn. That is why it was so shocking. I'm also just disgusted that he did it after completely turning me down. His sexual abuse past doesn't disturb me. I am very understanding and very supportive.
No one seems to understand. It's not that he masturbates, or looks at porn. As much as it does bother me, the REAL issue is that he lied to me about it, and continues to, after proof. And now he's leaving me. because I obviously caught him in a huge lie.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If his behavior bothers you so much, why aren't you helping him pack? Masturbating and having sex are two different things. Both pleasant, but very different. Sex carries a lot of burdens with it. He has to devote a lot more time and effort to take care of your needs. He can masturbate and get to sleep in a couple minutes. What I suspect went wrong here is you embarrassed him, especially after catching him you did some research and kept pushing the issue. Some of us have very delicate feelings, even though we usually hide them. He is embarrassed and hurt and he is leaving rather than live with the shame he feels with you.

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      Were you able to smooth it out? I can tell your a very caring partner, but you were hurt also. I wish I could give you some sure fire way of smoothing his feelings and yours. It will be a shame if this minor missunderstanding puts an end to the two of you.