Caught boyfriend masturbating?

I came home from work to find my boyfriend masturbating. He said he was just getting started. and was about to go to bed. Of course I was upset.Previous night he didn't want to have sex with me. So I was like wtf? I told him it really disturbed me.According to him, he's not a sexual person. The reason being is that he was sexually abused as a child. So I am very understanding when he turns me down for sex.But him masturbating just confused me.So after catching him, he gave me his speel about not being sexual, he was trying to get some sleep. but felt so disgusting masturbating. that he stopped. I was there for him, comforting him. saying that I care for him, etc.After he fell asleep, I layed there. really really bothered by this. almost broken hearted. I went into the kitchen and found the "paper towel" he was using the "clean the lotion off with". without even touching it. it reeked of cum. so after that I looked on his computer. LOTS of porn.I came back in here, confronted him. asked him to explain. got upset. he yelled at me, saying I didn't trust him, and after all that he has told me. all of the things we talked about. I did that. still denying the fact that he came.So he's packing up all of his things and leaving me. I don't get it.It's NOT that I don't trust him, and I told him that.I don't want him to leave me over something like this. what should I do?

Updates:
He doesn't masturbate, EVER. He doesn't even like porn. That is why it was so shocking. I'm also just disgusted that he did it after completely turning me down. His sexual abuse past doesn't disturb me. I am very understanding and very supportive.
No one seems to understand. It's not that he masturbates, or looks at porn. As much as it does bother me, the REAL issue is that he lied to me about it, and continues to, after proof. And now he's leaving me. because I obviously caught him in a huge lie.
 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • If his behavior bothers you so much, why aren't you helping him pack? Masturbating and having sex are two different things. Both pleasant, but very different. Sex carries a lot of burdens with it. He has to devote a lot more time and effort to take care of your needs. He can masturbate and get to sleep in a couple minutes. What I suspect went wrong here is you embarrassed him, especially after catching him you did some research and kept pushing the issue. Some of us have very delicate feelings, even though we usually hide them. He is embarrassed and hurt and he is leaving rather than live with the shame he feels with you.

    • Were you able to smooth it out? I can tell your a very caring partner, but you were hurt also. I wish I could give you some sure fire way of smoothing his feelings and yours. It will be a shame if this minor missunderstanding puts an end to the two of you.

What Guys Said 8

  • If he leaves you because you caught him in a lie. Then the relationship wasn't going to work regardless. It sounds like he has some issues to work out and until he does, he's not stable for one. If he can't handle this small bump in the road, then I wouldn't stick around for someone like him. As for you, you did nothing wrong. Sorry, I misread it somewhere in there.

  • He doesn't masterbate ever and he doesn't like porn yet. you caught him mid - masterbating and having lots of porn on the comp. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with masterbating. It's a natural high, sleeping pill and a work out all in one. As far as his sexual drive, that's something that you'll just have to work out.

  • Tell him that you were on your period and that you freaked out over somthing stupid. He masturbates, him and 99% of every other male out there. He has a TON of porn on his computer, so does 100% of males out there who knows how to use a computer. So what? he masturbates to other women then you, Guess what? That's just how it is. Masturbating to him is easy as he doesn't have a need to "perform." For whatever reason he doesn't feel comfortable having sex with you, that's an issues you guys need to work out but for you to attack him about his masturbation, it's invading his private practice.

  • its normal get over it

  • Look he is messed up and probably does it on a dialy basis you just haven't found out about it. If it bothers you let him go he's not going to change.

  • Masturbating isn't the issue. 95% of guys masturbate. It's the lying about it that is wierd. And yes, it's pretty obvious what come smells like, denying that is lame. I've done lots of lame things in the past, so I'm not claiming to be holer than thou, but everybody needs to grow up, and I think it may be true that this guy has intimacy issues because of his abuse, but he needs to realize that by thinking of you instead, he can stop focusing on his past and feeling sorry for himself, and by making you happy, he can make himself happy too.

  • Well, If a bears hungry.he'll eat. The hankerin for a spankerin catches us all at different times my dear.different times. - j

  • Look sweetheart, he's been in a loving relationship with rosie palm and her 5 sisters looooooonnnng before he met you. lol, you made a big mistake here. It's bad enough his little misses caught him red handed gearing up for a tugjob. Telling him your disturbed by his past, confronting him about his internet porn. All these together are really violating his personal space. this with a history of molestation and your asking for it. Sometimes you have to let sleeping dogs lay. I'm also a little amazed here that you have the ability to smell semen. That's just amazing or this guy's baby batter isn't making the Armani perfume list. If you want to keep this guy, your going to have to take one for the team here. You gotta back off and not be overbearing and selfish. He, needs to pony up and seek counseling for sexual violence in his history. If you two can't find a happy medium then you'll need to move on. - Good luck ! J

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you just answered your question yourself. You need to separate out what the issue really is. If it is not the masturbating or the porn, you need to tell him that. Tell him that it is not about what he's doing, it's about being honest with you. But honestly, I would make it into a big deal. Like guys on here have said, nearly all guys masturbate, it's just that some like to keep it more private than others. So, perhaps he is one of those guys that likes to keep that private; and I think you should respect him for that, if that's how he is. But, like I say, I think your best bet is to let him know what you're really upset over, which is the lying, not the masturbating or porn.

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