I have been dating this guy for a month now. Will sex change us?

[Anonymous]

I am the type of girl who will not fall so easily for a guy because I have been hurt before. I am very smart and very attractive and most of the time I will just ignore a guy because I am so cold. And guys have said to me before "wow you are single, then what is wrong with you?" And I will feel annoyed and think to myself "nothing is wrong with me, its you and all those other scumbags" Well I finally decided to let my guard down (well just a little), and forget about the jerks of my past. And now I have been seeing a guy for a month, I think this guy is just awesome! We have had long conversations, we found out that we both are into a lot of the same things. Every time we see each other we have gone out to eat, just get a coffee, to play games, to movies and he pays every time. At the end of each date we would say goodbye, handshake, I could tell he wanted to hug me but he was afraid of making me feel uncomfortable. He never tried to hug or kiss me or really put his hands on me out all, and I feel like I can really loosen up and be myself around him. I have never felt so comfortable with a guy before. He told me he really really likes me, and enjoys spending time with me. He calls me gorgeous and beautiful. I had lost count of how many times we have seen each other (it has been like 2 or 3 times a week) One time I had gone over to his place and we just played video games and talked and at the end of the night he walked me to my car and we actually hugged goodbye this time, it was the first time we hugged. It felt so warm. I think I'm beginning to fall for this guy. And before I got home he had texted me saying that he really didn't want me to leave. And I had told him that I wanted to hug him much longer. Then he says well next time he won't mess up. Then a few days later we go hangout in Starbucks, laugh, talk, people watch, compliment each other. This guy is really interested in getting to know me right? Must be because I haven't seen a guy try this method to get in my pants before. Well at the end of the night he walks me to my car and we hug for a long time and then he kisses me. It was a very sweet and gentle kiss, nothing aggressive, he was still very kind. And we said goodbye and I went home. I was thinking about him so much. I went home and just sat on my bed probably for 30 min, I hadn't even taken my shoes and coat off. I felt like a little school girl or something. And then sure enough he texted me saying that he couldn't stop thinking about me and that I have no idea how bad he wanted to kiss me. sweet stuff well he went out of town for the weekend and he texted me then saying that he misses me and wants to kiss me again. And I felt so special. He said he wants to see me so bad and that on his way home he will be driving through my town and asked me to come see him for a little while. So I met him in a parking lot (it was Sunday evening so everything was closed) ...(I am running out of characters...)

[goodtimescp]

First of all, wow. You've really thought about this a lot. Secondly, staying over doesn't entail sex either. It just means he wants to spend more dedicated time with you, rather than on-again off-again meetings. Thirdly, sex is in the back of every man's mind. It sounds like he has feelings for you, so if you'd let him, he'd do it.

I guess out of that entire tirade, I couldn't quite determine what your question was. If you care for him and want sex, have it. If you just want to be friends, tell him. But if he's making out with you, he's at least a little more than friends with you...and if you're okay with making out, then sex won't change anything...cause its just sex.

[Asker]

hmm.. I guess I'm worrying that after we have sex, then our relationship will become nothing but sexual. All of this going out and talking stuff will end. And if that is the case then I will just half to cut him loose because I don't want to feel used, like he only wants my body. Also from my past I have met guys who will only want sex with you then afterward they don't even know who you are anymore. I want to continue feeling special. Is staying the night with him really a good idea?

[goodtimescp]

Sure. You don't have to be a sex robot. Just hold your ground and tell him what you want. If you're up-front about it, like you were here, then you double your chances.

[Asker]

well you see I'm not talking to the guy, I'm not gonna text him, call him, email him. its so weird how we were always spending time with each other and then just our first time making out has changed us. I cant't tell what kind of person he is. its confusing. and guess what, after 2 days of not talking to him he texted me and all he said was that he missed me. and then I said it back to him. but really that's all we said, it was that cold.. I feel like he needs to tell me what's happening?

[l-hedoniste]

Sex doesn't change relationships, it clarifies them; if your partner's just someone to share an orgasm with, that becomes quite clear once you've come.

Clearly not the case here--he's spending way too much time, energy, and attention not to care about you.