My husband keeps turning down sex!

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both very sexual. In most of my past relationships, I could never get enough, but my husbands wants it so much that he often rubs me raw and then I have to take a few days to recover. We've gotten into arguments a few times because he will beg and beg even though it was way too painful for me while I'm resting up. We've only been married for a few months and I was still getting used to him. Well, now I'm at that point again where I can go for a few hours every day. But he's turned me down twice in last two days! Sex is the one thing that can motivate him to do just about anything, and it seems that he never gets enough. He also loves to be right next to me all the time, but I'm usually up at night, so I can't ever sleep next to him. I thought it would be nice to wake him up early for a quickie, even tho I wasn't really in the mood myself. He said he was too tired, but then proceeded to stay awake and try and talk about why I was upset! Last night, he was reading a book, and I came out of the room naked, he got right up and followed me into the room, but then told me he wasn't in the mood, and wanted me to stimulate him. Normally watching me undress gives him a boner. He's been acting odd lately too. He's normally calm and passive, but now he gets annoyed when things don't go his way and he's even been getting rude toward our friends, and taking a lot of "alone time" in the bedroom. I really don't see how he could be cheating, and I really don't think he is. He comes home for lunch and straight home after work. He's ALWAYS right next to me when he's not working. Actually, he sometimes pisses me off being clingy.

[islands7]

Guessing:

He doesn't understand your physical problems - life has trained him that girls make up lies in order to avoid sex with him, some of these are because they are upset about something he did.

He is satisfying himself - masturbation ... or just reading sexual material - in the bedroom and he has been taught that this is dirty, not really cheating but feels like it - and not to be caught, embarrassing. THis is not satisfying him like you do and making him grumpy. Grumpy extends to your friends - how come she has time for them, interrupting our potential sex time? Sex satisfaction first, then friend time should be the law.

In short, irritation bred by no great sex with his one & only.

Your irritation might find solutions in the lube area from KY, Finale, Astroglide and beyond - add spit when needed. Trim up any potential hair that can add to irritation, etc.

He might come sooner if:

-he avoids alcohol

-you provide more foreplay with hands, mouth, vibrator/toys (so less time being rubbed raw, saved for last to finish him off)

[Asker]

He's just recently started having beer at night, and all of my friends are his same friends that I met through him. We both just moved to a new area and his friends we all know from work. About the embarrassment of masturbating, yes. He has expressed this before, that he's ashamed of it. He also has several fan fic sites that he reads every day, many of them do have sex scenes.

[islands7]

Let us know how it goes, wishing you all the best. Please select a best answer before you sign off?

[Asker]

I will be sure to select one, soon as this situation has either a solution or resolution :) Thanks for your advise, best so far...

[avenavio]

Well to avoid the raw bit, it's probably best to do other forms of stimulation - you could give him a blow job or use lube and give him a hand job - both are enjoyable experiences for a guy and give you a break.

The fact he wanted you to stimulate him means he wanted to want to have sex - sometimes if you get in bed, settle down with a book, your mind is completely geared for getting ready to sleep - it can be hard for a guy to switch gears.

If you know for a fact he isn't cheating then yeah, perhaps he is masturbating more, maybe he's gotten into the habit of it because of the times when you have to go without sex. Ask him about it.

[Anonymous]

Not sure but it sounds like the honey moon faze is over. I have been married for many many years (20) and I have learned just as us women go through phases so do men. I wouldn't read into what is happening to much. It could take him a month or 2 to come out of it. Maybe try and talk to HIM after all he is your husband. COMMUNICATION IS KEY to a successful marriage!

[Asker]

I did talk to him, all he kept saying was "I don't know, I don't know." We're about to take a month long vacation and trip. He said he thinks its stress from work, and that's why he hasn't been himself. He says if this trip brings back the old him, he will make efforts to take more relaxation time, with me, so that I won't feel neglected.

[avenavio]

Stress from work can definitely do it - my boyfriend went through a very atypical period where he didn't really want to have sex for a week, and I was getting really frustrated with him but he was stressed from work, from moving, from grad school applications... it happens. If it lasts for more than a couple weeks then it's more serious but it sounds like it could just be a blip. Give him the benefit of the doubt

[avenavio]

*Also at the same time I was having trouble getting used to my boyfriend's size too - until we discovered the position that works best for us - I thought it was a lost cause for a while but I'm glad you resolved your problems =)

[TheScenario]

Maybe he wants you to suck his penis with your anus.