Is it just me, or is something fishy going on here?

[Anonymous]

I've been with this girl for almost 3 months. About a month after we decided to commit to each other (which was about 12 days after meeting through a friend and on vacation), I caught her lying about going out one night. The only thing I can tell that she lied about though was the fact that she knew about it a week earlier and didn't tell me until the day of and said it just came up. This started a big fight since I had know a week before she told me about it, thanks Facebook events! She offered to show me her email and chat logs and I accepted. I had noticed in a chat that the day after she told me she wanted to commit, a guy asked her out for drinks. She replied to him "my friend is having some trouble and I told him I would go shopping with him, how about next Saturday?" There was no further chat after that but since it was GTalk, I assume she just went off the record at that point. So I noted the date of that Saturday and went back through my text logs. That saturday, she told me "my friend is having some trouble and I told him I would go shopping with him". At that point I didn't know about the other guy, but I did have a funny feeling about it so I replied "my friend is having a poker night and I said we would go". She quickly agreed to the poker night but said that she needed to be home from 10am-4pm because the cleaning lady was scheduled. I don't know nor would I ever be able to prove if they met that day. We used to have sex every night but now it's every other night, sometimes we go two days without. I still try almost every night, but I'm rejected and it's taking a toll on my confidence. But always make love on weekends. It might be because she is about 2 moths pregnant but she said she isn't sure why her sex drive is gone. I also know that she is friends with someone she once slept with, as well as a guy that she "almost" cheated on her ex with. She is not an open person and she is also very private. I have noticed she is more interested in losing weight, she did her nails for the first time since we've been together, bought new lip gloss and mentioned buying new underwear. If I was the adviser, I would say to someone in my position "You've been had, run bro" So is it just me?

[Beautee]

2 months pregnant?! I hope its your baby!

I think she is lying to you, which is unacceptable in her situation. Also, the fact that she does not want to have sex with you probably has nothing to do with a pregnancy, she has probably had sex with that other guy and she can't get it out of her head. The thing with women they usually can't make peace with cheating, so sooner or later she will tell you the truth or give you subtle cues that she is cheating.

[Asker]

Well she's definitely pregnant, she hasn't had her period in 2 months, and I was there for it 3 months ago. She's getting an abortion, has a check up in 45 minutes as a matter of fact. And it's not like we don't have sex at all. It's just cut down from every night to every other night. Had sex last night. So what will make her tell me, and what are these subtle clues?

[Asker]

By the way, we basically live together. I have enough clothes for the week and weekend at her house and sleep there every night. We have tried talking about it but she says she doesn't know why she has less sex drive. She said last night that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore because we never come to any conclusion except that she wants to wait until after the procedure to see how she feels about her sex drive.

[Beautee]

Oh... Now it makes more sense. 1) She does not want to sleep with you because she has to go through abortion. I think its a subconscious thinking that sex can harm her again. 2) When you live together, whether you like it or not, the excitement of having sex slightly disappears. You can be there for her, but if you want to keep your relationship alive and exciting, move out and see her less. Focus on your life and all those times that you will see each other -you will have a great time.

[Asker]

I have heard that living together ruins it. But I have lived with other women. One was almost 4 years and one was almost 3 years and one was just over a yr. One was about 6 moths. Throughout all of them the sex was consistent and pretty hot the entire time. Of course sometimes were better than others... I have to say, I'm still interested in your thought that she'll come clean sooner or later. What are some clues to look for?

[Beautee]

some subtle clues I can think of: her being more irritated with you (getting angry over little things), blaming you for very silly unimportant things, coming up with excuses for not having sex with you, performing slightly different in bed (every time we have sex with a new partner, we learn something new), no enjoying things that she normally used to enjoy with you.

[Asker]

That's scary. After I read this I looked for them. Among other things I've listed already, last night she got upset because I fell asleep holding her (for an hour) instead of doing the dishes right away. This morning she got a tad upset when I kissed her too loud on the train (I tease her like that because she gets shy). We had sex mon and tues and she kinda wrapped her legs around me in a new way. She chooses to sleep in instead of taking the train with me most days (which was always her idea).

[Asker]

In fact, that's why she had me sleep there every night and bring my clothes and give me a drawer. So that she can wake up with me and go to work every day. But that seems to have disappeared.

[avenavio]

That's some pretty suspicious behavior... is she ever chatting on her phone and when you want to look she hides it? She could have easily deleted other emails, or have another email account? Also, you should be familiar with her friends - always ask her friends' names. I would be very suspicious here...

[Asker]

She gets texts sometimes but never really hides anything. Though her phone hardly has any texts unless they are from me or if she got them and I was physically with her. She says she deletes them to prevent clutter, but ALL of mine are still there? Also, I was on her shoulder when she checker email last week, and noticed her status was invisible. My logs say she hasn't been online in 12 days. Its gmail and we USED to talk all the time on it...

[avenavio]

if she is hiding her logs she is doing something she doesn't want you seeing... trust me, I've been there... she probably deletes her texts as soon as she gets them from other guys. You should talk to her about it... it could be just something inappropriate, might not be all-out cheating - like she could be hanging out with a guy a lot and she knows you'd disapprove. So... tell her it concerns you, and keep closer track of where she goes with whom.

[Asker]

I feel like asking more questions will create a conflict. And if it doesn't, it'll just push her further away. I keep thinking about the 2 instances mentioned in the original post and try to tell myself "maybe she recently realized what she has with me and doesn't want to throw it away." But really, she lied about going out and on top of that she was talking to another guy that she "says" she didn't end up meeting. I feel like I will never let go of that...