Losing virginity, not in relationship.. heartbreak?

[Anonymous]

I’m 19 and a virgin. I’ve always said that I would like to lose my virginity outside of a relationship, because I just do, but with someone that I know, trust and obviously like. There is one guy who I had a ‘thing’ with about a year and a half ago, and we’ve recently got in touch again and he has been hinting at things; he is coming to visit my friend and asked if he can crash at mine, invited me out one night when I go home from university etc. I don’t want to say that I want to ‘get it out of the way’ because I don’t see it like that; the way I view virginity is that it is mine and I can do with it what I want. I want it to be this way. I’m just worried that it would not live up to my expectations, which are that it would be good and he would know what he was doing.. I’m not expecting it to hurt, just because I know what hurts me and what doesn’t, but I know that he isn’t a virgin anymore… although, I’m only aware that he has slept with one girl, and I’m guessing it only happened once… I want to know if anyone else had/has this situation, and just about experiences. I really don’t want to get emotionally attached first time because I’ve seen so many of my friends be absolutely heartbroken by it and it just doesn’t seem worth it just for sex.. but I guess that’s something I’ll have to figure out in my head if I don’t want to be emotionally attached and heartbroken.

[l-hedoniste]

I don't have the answer to that. Or rather, my answer would be book-length. If I had to explain good sex in 60 seconds, I would say:

-Masturbate a lot. You need to have orgasms before you can share orgasms, and what's in your head when you come is an infallible guide to who you are.

-Talk a lot. Your partner needs to know about how to give you orgasms and what's in your head.

-Enjoy the ride. Remember, this is more about being nice to someone than anything else.

There's tons of other good stuff out there, and I *urge* you to go find it--a little education never hurt anyone.

[drummerdude25]

Well if they're not serious feelings, then why even have sex, especially since you're a virgin? A lot of guys, myself included would love to find a good virgin girl. And yes, having sex would most likely bring on a certain emotional attachment to him you might not want to deal with...

Sounds like you could be having some doubts about it, and that's fine and everything, so I'd recommend not forcing it. Wait until you've found and are in love with the right person and for the right time, then you won't have any regrets or additional lingering emotional feelings to deal with.

[kitten44]

Don't do it just because you want to lose your virginity. I waited for that special someone, and now I'm glad I did and didn't do it with anyone else before. It's something you want to think twice about. Besides, since you're asking this obviously you have doubts about it.

Regarding the experience and enjoying sex more, trust me it will be much more enjoyable when you have feelings for the guy and it will be a 'learning' experience for both of you :)

[Anonymous]

I have lost my virginity to a guy I didn't really knew while being pretty drunk! and I regret that night! so don't do it without any feelings. It doesn't has to be "the one guy meant for you" because I think, at our age we do not find such a person. But do it with someone you have feelings for!

[sexcme121]

coming from a girls point of view don't jus loose it to any body. you will regret it like that if you do

[krazEkid]

i honestly think that you should at least lose your virginity to someone you love, and not just a one time thing ya know? I promise you, that you will most likely regret it if its not with someone you at least have feelings for. your first time should be perfect or more so meaningful. after that than you can do what you please. but I see the first time as a special moment, and only a moment I would share with someone I'm close to! ya know what I mean?

[Asker]

I have feelings for him, just not serious ones. I don't think there is much chance of me finding someone who actually has deeper emotions than this towards me at my age anyway.. I don't want to offend all guys on here, but the majority that I know aren't interested in feelings, just sex. I genuinely do want this to happen though, surely if it happened this way then when I do find someone that I really care about, it will be much more enjoyable and special? I'm just arguing with myself here haha

[krazEkid]

im saying losing your virginaty is a special thing. IMO I would save it for someone special. after you lose your virginaty, have sex with whom you please :)

[Anonymous]

Don't just do it for the sake of losing your virginity. It IS possible to lose it to someone you truly love and for things to work out afterward. Think twice before you lose it.

[sexcme121]

i agree