What do I do to be less "awkward and boring" in sex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is kind of depressed about something else going on in his life. But I know he still has a sex drive. But we got into a fight today and he told me that sex with me is boring and that I'm awkward. I started crying he said "leave if you're going to whine". I then left and slammed the door he came out of his room and was pissed. I only had sex once before him and we've been together for 4 months. So I've had sex less than 20 times. He's also 25(6 years older than me). He's a grad student I'm undergrad. Also we spent a continuous 2 weeks straight together, he practically begged me to stay with him. I told him I was always trying to improve myself for him& that I want to be better at sex. He said that I won't get like that by being awkward...because I guess he thinks I knew I was being awkward. Then he said I was pestering him all the time about flirting with other women. I was only telling him it hurt my feelings that he was flirting with them. Then he told me he's not attracted to me sexually right now...and that it's honestly boring. After telling me today that I looked so pretty and that he loves me. Then I told him I didn't really want to have sex anyway, because it has only ended in my favor like twice. And he said he was honestly never motivated. :'( I told him everything he just said was extremely hurtful and he just said it was the truth. At the same time, telling me that he loves me& he'll always be there for me while I'm married with kids. I told him I was so hurt by everything he just said that it was the truth:( I was going to drive home 4.5 hours(we're in college) because I don't want to b here without him and I never wanted to come back. It's not like I was going to sleep anyway. Then he told me to come over and spend the night with him. So I went over and he started making food so I wanted to make it for him. He yelled at me because I wasn't doing something exactly right. Then told me to stop doing everything and that I get annoying. After eating he calmed down and kissed me good night. As we were laying in bed I wasn't snuggling up to him because I didn't want to be that close and he said "I don't know what the difference of you sleeping at my place or yours" he lives in an apt I live in a dorm w a roomie I don't get along with. I would be crying all night. Which he knows. I woke up this morning with him cuddling with me. Then when he stood up to go to the bathroom he told me he loved me...I'm starting to think it must be a reflex or he might just want to feel loved. I KNOW there are so many guys that would want to have sex with me much hotter than him. I get hit on all the time, everyone always tells me they love my hair even guys, I'm in shape, and I take care of myself.

[GoldGriffin80]

GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY, ASAP! Sorry for the caps, but this guy is pure poison! From how you've described him, I can tell that he is a controlling, manipulative jerk who cares nothing for you and only wants you for what he can get from you. He wants you around, but only when he's in the mood for you. Otherwise, he wants you to keep out of his way! He almost sounds bipolar, with mood-swings that severe... Seriously, I'm worried for your safety, because guys like that can very easily become violent, later on down the road. He criticizes YOUR sexual abilities, but does nothing to please you in return? In case you haven't noticed, you're supposed to be in a RELATIONSHIP, and that means that you are supposed to care about each others' needs and try to fulfill them. Yet, so far, it sounds like you're the only one keeping your end of the deal; he's not doing anything for you in return. Bottom line: if you're unhappy and confused NOW, then it'll only get worse the longer you stay with him! Tell him to get lost and get yourself somehow who will treat you with some respect and genuine affection. Nobody deserves to be treated like an abused dog! :(

[Belgie]

Yeah, guys can say "I love you" with absolutely no feeling at all behind it.

I don't know why, but girls can practically never ever tell when he's just saying it as opposed to meaning it sincerely.

He is treating you pretty terribly. He should see it as his responsibility to make sex between you better, since he has the more experience. It's pointless to just say "You're bad at it" and expect you to somehow make it better.

Fair f***s to you for trying though. I think many other girls would just dump his sorry ass.

I don't think you'll stop being awkward until you start to be more comfortable during sex. And he sounds like the last guy who's ever going to try and make you comfortable and relaxed.

[Asker]

Ya he told me the other day that he never really loved his ex. but only told her he did when she said it to him and he was drunk. So he cotinued to say it. Also when I kept telling him that he apparently loved me and he's treating me that way it doesn't make sense. He'd like tread back. I honestly don't know. I think he needs to go to a counselor. But because he's a guy(sry), too proud, & a med student, I don't think he'd ever go.

[Belgie]

No, if he's treating you like the way he treated his ex, that should be your answer right there. Why are you still with this guy?

[Asker]

Idk he's my first boyfriend and I want it to work for a while. I don't know he did stop talking to his best friend because his friend suddenly start hating me (for literally no reason other than he has some complex toward women). His friend told him it was either me or him and he chose me. So idk. This was like his close bro.

[Asker]

Also I've always been skeptical of his "I love you"s because he almost says it enough that he's reassuring me and himself that he loves me. If I spend the day with him he'll say it about 15 times.

[saphirasilverwings]

You need to fix your relationship before you even think about changing for him.

This guy is being a total jerk to you. Depression is no excuse. He shouldn't be taking all his problems out on you, it isn't fair. You need to stand up for yourself! Tell him that even if what he said was how he felt, it was really heartless of him to say it and you have a right to be upset. Don't spend any more time with him until he apologizes. Then try to work things out so that he'll treat you normally. If there's no way to do that, it's time to say bye bye. You don't deserve to be treated like trash just because he's unhappy in some other area of his life. He is totally in the wrong here and he needs to recognize that and change.

If things start to go better, have a conversation about exactly what would make your sex life better. For both of you! But don't let him start to place blame on you again. That's not okay.

[Renae678]

listen girl, from what I just read, he needs to figure is sh*t out. I get it he's going through stuff, but he's taking out on you!

im sure your a catch, you sound so kind and sweet. he's older then you which most girls love. Between the history you two have and the countless "i love yous" you keep getting from him, its just making it harder to let go.

Have you considered taking a break. Having some space from one another? take sometime to yourself. You aren't married to him! and there is no reason he should yell at you for cooking somthing "incorrectly" BS!

he needs to grow up, and you need to be a little selfish and breathe!

i wish you the best because you deserve it.

think about it

[Asker]

We've been long broken up, but this is the same guy who in casual conversation pretty much told me to never cook for him, because he's never been impressed by a girl's cooking and it's a waste of food. So in over a year I was with him, he cooked for us and never encouraged me to cook. In another casual convo he told me that my Food Science lab wld teach me "actual technique"...mind you I've been cooking my mom and me dinner since I was 14...I know how to cook.

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend is a jerkoff! What a terrible way to treat someone.

A lot of guys like to play with a woman's insecurities. They will say things that will make you feel less desirable, in hopes that you will try to prove them wrong. That's why the girls stay in these relationships.

Don't waste your time with this clown. You are probably NOT "boring" or "awkward" in bed. Maybe you are with HIM because he doesn't make you feel sexy. When you meet a guy that makes you feel beautiful and sexy, you would be surprised at how much your style in bed will change.

[Asker]

Yeah that's what he later told me...something like "the only times I have ever said anything that may have hurt your feelings intentionally was to help you". I was like "it didn't help, it just made me more selfconviosu and really made me question what you really wanted from me.

[Opinion Owner]

See, that's how he controls you. Don't let him. He thinks you don't have the guts to leave him, so he can say or do whatever he wants to you.

[Asker]

I kno this was a while ago, but we finally ended things in Oct.Then, I ended up sleeping with another guy assuming sex could only be better from what I had already experienced. This new guy didn't end up becoming my boyfriend, because of geographical reasons. But it was the best/longest sex yet& I wasn't even in love with him. He told me I was sexy/pretty and that was the difference. I felt completely confident& attractive. He made me feel empowered& said it was great. My ex never said that.

[cahdee]

I love girls that aren’t devils in the sack. In fact the more “pro” they are the more of a turnoff it is. Find someone like me. He will adore you and appreciate that you’re not a sex fiend. To me, what makes a girl good in bed is what she’s willing to let me do to her and not having boundaries or limits. I never ask my wife to be on top or make certain movements or sounds. She’s not a fuckin actress, she’s a sex partner. He’s asking too much.

[frecklefaced]

I don't cuss, but is a total As(s).

Grr, he is not a good boyfriend and someone who cares about you wouldn't treat you that way!

I would be so mad if my boyfriend said that to me.

You seem like a great girl, so please move on from him. You said your hot, show him!

I'm not saying make him jealous but leave him and don't look back!

[Asker]

Thank you for the tips. Not sure if I'm ready yet but I'm close. Don't know if I have the guts to do it. I love him& it's horrible because I feel like I'm being manipulated and taken advantage of. Didn't think I'd ever hav a guy treat me like that and always thought it wld b easy to say adios. But it's not.

[Mrmr123]

You should never degrade your partner or tell them they are boring at sex! Your with them so personally I would just suck it up and be sexually frustrated all the time rather than break up with them or make them feel upset.

[jason6546]

i like free sex, be open and make more friends. these are my advice

[Asker]

I really dislike free sex. Because I attached easily. But thanks I am trying to make more friends.

[Anonymous]

He's immature, and you're not confident enough to have a beneficial relationship with anybody right now. Which is fine, we're young.. Finding someone to spend THE REST of your life with needs to be taken seriously, at least for the sake of avoiding as many broken hearts as possible. Take some time to get to know yourself, so you know who will mesh well with you. Focus on self love and self endulgements, because the next step with someone else means devoting that energy towards that person, maybe marriage then possible children. You may never get the chance to enjoy yourself so peacefully again! You don't have to waste time or energy with guys who aren't your speed, so forget about this one. A great man will come your way if you stay patient, I know, because you aren't in it for the sex. Hot sex for me requires a deep emotional bond, and your guy just doesn't seem willing to build that. All in all.. He's looking for a type of woman you are not, and you are looking for a man that can never be him, from the sounds of it.

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend is a jerk.

The best piece of advice I can give to you is to leave. This is not going to get better. The second a man starts to speak to you like that and treat you like that, it is time to go.

He is saying horrible things to you because he is too much of a coward to break up with you himself. So, instead, he says horrible things hoping that you will do it.

Think about it. He told you he is not attracted to you. Who says that? Except a cruel mean person. He is obviously more experienced than you and he shouldn't be making you feel bad about. Just because he is depressed doesn't mean you have to be.

Break out of this emotionally abusive enviroment, you will be happier in the long run.

[saphirasilverwings]

I agree!

[Asker]

He has broken up with me before in a cowardly way. I straight out asked him if he wanted me to break up with me because of what he has said to me. He said no, but things have to change. I honestly cannot think of 1 thing I am doing that is wrong. I'm justifiably suspicious of him. All he has said is that I get annoying. When all I ever do is anything to be helpful. I miss the feeling of a new relationship and being really happy. I never was really happy for any marked length of time with him.

[Asker]

*me to break up with him. I feel like I am always trying to fix what I am doing for him, but he doesn't try to do anything at all. I just want to be happy and have fun.

[Sara-D]

I have to agree with this. I had a girlfriend how was dating a man who did this exact same sh*t. I can understand that's he's your first boyfriend but he is not treating you right. My advice is to leave now. the sooner you do it the better off you are. the sex will not be good if you are not comfortable with him. if you don't feel safe. YOU DESERVE BETTER! never change yourself for a man and never let someone treat you that way. I wish you luck! *hugs* lots and lots of *hugs*

[Anonymous]

I would be VERY leery of this relationship the events you are describing are part of the patterns of abuse. Please be be careful and if this behavior continues move on to someone that will treat you with the value you deserve.

[Asker]

Emotional abuse right? Ya I wondered that. He's broken up w me before for almost no reason. I'm insecure about our relationship because I'm scared he'll do it again. But he actually wants to spend time w me all the time. I occasionally feel suffocated.

[saphirasilverwings]

Your relationship is definitely not a healthy one. I'm not sure there will be any way to fix it. This might not be something you can change about him. So acquaint yourself with the idea that you might need to break up with him. You deserve to be treated with respect.

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely emotional abuse but it could also be hiding a CHANCE for physical abuse too MOST abusive relationships start out with emotional abuse then when it looks to him like you've had enough or you might leave he will go back to being cuddly attentive and supportive of you then after a while he'll go back to criticizing EVERYTHING you do no matter how small it is.

[Asker]

Yeah he's pretty critical overall. He's always cuddly no matter how angry he gets. Like he needs the physical affection. Literally if he didn't have someone to cuddle with he'd die. He's always loved cuddling more than sex. It's also sad that I'm with a guy with less of a sex drive. It's obvious what I have to do now...break up w him.

[Opinion Owner]

that is the only suggestion I could make for you its time to leave and DON'T look back DON'T wonder if your doing the right thing because if he WAS the one then he would not hurt you or treat you poorly like he has been doing...