How do you make anal sex better and less painful?

It hurt so bad! He didn't even get all the way in! We used lube and oil and he massaged it first before he did it. But he got like the tip of his penis inside and it hurt so bad! My face soured up and I had tears in my eyes. I had to push him back. He said he was going to do something I wouldn't like and I had to promise him. I promised him and told him to be gentle but he went slow and then started thrusting. I want to do it because I've tried it once and it hurt a little but it started feeling good but when he pulled out, it hurt and then I got a hemorrhoid and all that blood scared the sh*t out of me from ever doing it again! Now I'm scared to do it and it hurts a lot. My man never pounds slow, he does it fast like a jack rabbit but it feels really good, just not when he does that anally. What should I do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • There are a few things that need to happen:

    1) if he wants to sodomize you, he has to be more gentle, meaning entry has to be at your pace (more on that in a minute) and he can't go at his usual jack hammer pace, at least not until you acclimate to having him up your ass. It may be that you cam never take his usual pounding back there but in my experience, you'll get there eventually.

    2) Usually, the most difficult part of anal sex is helping your sphincter, anus, and rectum stretch to accommodate his cock. One way that has always worked well for me is to spoon up behind her after she and I are lubed up. She holds me and, using firm and steady pressure, presses back against my **** until her anus gradually relaxes and accepts it. It may take several minutes but if you keep up firm and steady pressure, it will accept him. During this process, he must remain perfectly still, not even "flexing" though the urge to do so may be quite strong.

    3) There may be a slight "pop" feeling with the head of his penis clears the inner sphincter but it shouldn't hurt. It can just be surprising.

    4) if it just won't go, you'll need to dilate your anus. You need to take one finger (start with your pinkie if that makes you feel better) and work it all the way in. Then leave it there for a minute or two until you adjust. Then add a second finger, very slowly. Once you are okay with your fingers, let him dilate you using first one and then two fingers, very gently and slowly. I can't stress too much how important patience is.

    5) Once you're okay with his two fingers, go back to step 2.

    6) Once he's all the way inside, stop and wait until you're pain free. You'll feel full but that's normal. Then have him slowly withdraw and do it again, slightly more quickly this time. Once you're okay with that, he can start very slowly moving in and out. If you deal with that okay, then you can try speeding up to see what the limit is.

    All that said, if you have a 'roid, you need to go see your doc first and tell the doc that you want to have anal sex and see if it's okay. If not, can it be repaired? In all likelihood, you can have anal sex but only with your doc's okay.

    If any bleeding occurs, stop and go see your doc as soon as you can.

    Good luck.

  • relax totally. have him give you a full body massage if need be.be as aoused as you can possibly image. hav him start out with a pinky finger. then when your OK try a different finger, then a thumb.then a pinky and the 1 net to it. bottom line is work your way up. use a thicker lube as the squeezing force an "scrape" off a lighter lube. don't do it if it hurts- otherwies you can perm. damage your sphinter muscle (the 1 that holds poop in untill you find a bathrom)

    ...if he's pounding away even tho he knows he's hurting his girl, he's doing the ENTIRE relationship wrong.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't have anal sex with someone who isn't willing to respect you and take it as slow and gentle as you want him to.

    • Great point. I see a lot of complaints from girls about anal -- BUTT -- I bet 90% is from a guy doing it wrong.

    • Yeah, no actually, it's 100% from a guy doing it wrong, Anal sex for women is a big source of pleasure, And since guys are a lot horny when it comes to that they just rush and stick it there like crazy :/

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I've done it this way with 2 girlfriends and the adjustment period was similar for both. The first half dozen times it was a bit painful for her but she wanted me to keep going. Yes, lots of lube and foreplay is important. Make sure he takes his time fingering you (get at least three fingers in).

    Part of the problem is that he isn't slowing down a bit. The anus is a muscle and it needs to be expanded slowly or it will hurt. It's like stretching your legs before running.

    The good news is that both girlfriends ended up wanting it more than me and would ask me for it, not the other way around, so I think there's a good chance you will like it in the long run.

  • I would suggest you train your self to get used to anal sex by doing anal masturbation and learning this way how toconsciously relax that area. One easy way to do it is to use various cucumber sizes, choose the size you like then put it inside a condom, put lube on the condom and then insert it inside your anus, slowly, let your anus get used to the stretching and then insert it some more, then you can put a bigger cucumber etc. Its a good way to get used to bigger things and cucumbers can be bought in any grocery store and nobody will know that you will use them for anal masturbation.

  • It doesn't need to hurt at all. There are two key parts of good anal sex 1) relax and go slowly 2) lots of lubricant.

    Anal is tough because unlike the vagina, there is a muscular ring around the opening that is not used to being opened up from the outside. The first thing that I usually do is lightly rub around the outside, gently, with a lubed up finger applying slight pressure but not pushing in. All of this is happening at the same time that I am rubbing her clitoris so she is being aroused in "the usual way." Once we've been doing this for a little while and I feel her getting comfortable, I slide a finger inside, slowly, one knuckle at a time. If she is uncomfortable or wants to stop, I pull out SLOWLY so she doesn't clench up which can feel really uncomfortable to her. If one finger is good, I'll bring in another slowly, pushing them in and out gently to relax the muscle and get her used to the sensation of something moving in and out back there.

    Once she is comfortable, relaxed. aroused, etc... then we try for actual penetration. Make sure that you are using a condom that is well lubricated with condom-safe stuff. I say this about the condom because it will be smoother than skin and could be easier for you to take in. Once I am in it is slow, short thrusts not jack-rabbit pumping. I build up to longer thrusts but overall, it is a slow, sensual pace that we can both enjoy.

    If you want to be more comfortable with it, try doing it to yourself with a toy or similarly sized/shaped object. Make sure any toy you use back there has a flange or some kind of shape on it to prevent it from sliding in all the way. Anal specific toys are usually tapered with something to block them from going all the way inside and getting stuck inside you.

    If he won't go slowly, don't let him do it. You can always say no and he needs to respect you and your body.

  • Anal sex has a lot of risks to it. You getting a hemorrhoid and bleeding are definite signs not to do it. You sound like you truly enjoy vaginal sex. I would recommend you stick to that. As one girl told me who didn't like anal - "No thank you to anal sex. There is a welcoming and willing vagina nearby."

  • if you are into it then he should slowly help you get to that point one finger at a time or whatever. sounds like you are being a pretty damn good sport about it and if he is gonna pound away like that then it says a lot about him, not just sexually but in general. oh well. good luck.

  • Lol guys have this weird habit, when they see the girl's anus, they go like rush mode, they get turned on like never before, so yeah they rush and stick it in and go hard and deep non stop, that's why it hurts, just like vaginal when it's rushed,so tell him to controll himself and start slow, even without lube you can make it, it'll feel extremely pleasurable for both of you, and maybe if you did it right you'll get more pleasure than him.

  • Check out puckerup.com. Tristan is great about communicating as a woman, with other women, about anal. Anal Advisor. It should not hurt, be a bummer in any way. But you DO need to gain some skills.

  • It is depend upon situation and prsent enviroment and your presence is also, what you think and you take more enjoyment for this.

  • lots of lube... work your way up from fingers and toys, make sure he has u relaxed and begin by easing yourself onto him... take your time and enjoy. i you want , buy a strap on and take a turn on him ;) so he will know how it feels and how to treat you right! the first time my girlfriend pegged me with a strap on it was incredible and i know how to be better with her ass since