Scared of virgins?

So here's a question I have.

Are guys scared of virgins? Or intimidated by them? I'm 21 years old and a virgin. I'm not a prude or anything the opportunity just never arose. I wasn't allowed to date in HS and I haven't had a serious-working relationship ever (I'm not heinous or a prude I'm just a little commitment phobic).

one of my friends keeps telling me to just go out and have sex because I'm losing my "prime" years and that guys are scared of virgins so I best lose my virginity soon.

Guys, what's your opinion? Are virgin's scary? If I end up in a situation with a guy I really like, should I tell him? or just hide the fact that I am? Is it a turn off?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The best way to describe what we are is Apprehensive.

    When a guy hears that a girl hasn't had sex yet, his first question is obviously "well why?"

    Now as you just explained, the opportunity hadn't presented itself.

    But because you're a virgin, the first time a guy tries to have sex with you, knowing you're a virgin, your reaction will greatly affect how he judges your character, intentions, agenda, morals, character. A lot of things will then ride on your first sexual interaction.

    Say you're seeing a guy and he tries to initiate sex. You don't think you've been seeing him long enough to feel comfortable doing anything with him yet. So you turn him down on it this time. Maybe after seeing him a little longer.

    But knowing you're a virgin, he interprets your simple decision as a more solid choice that you're not ready to have sex yet. And he assumes you probably won't be for quite some time.

    The way a guy looks at it is: "Hey, she's gone this long without having sex. She seems to be pretty consciously set on not doing it. Why would I be a pioneer and gamble time and effort on results that may or may not present themselves. Why would I be the one to convince her to have sex if no one else has?"

    They kind of view your virginity like this:

    If you were going to play the lottery, but had not heard a single case of someone winning, you'd be a little apprehensive.

    Also, some guys feel that a girl becomes really clingy once he takes her virginity.

    But if you're in this "situation" with a guy, are you talking about a sexual situation, or a relationship-esque situation?

    I suppose how you treat the knowledge your virginity will affect the nature of your relationship.

    If you tell him you're a virgin, he might try to take the relationship slower and be a little more sweet to you because he sees great potential in your ability to keep it that long. He could see it as a sign of faithfulness.

    He could ALSO avoid going to far out of his way to commit to you until he's had sex with you.

    Depends on what kind of guy he is.

    All guys are different.

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      Wait, could you explain that 3rd to last line in further detail? I was a virgin before my current boyfriend. We were "fooling around" for months before I gave him my virginity, and even though we had admitted to having fallen for each other and being incredibly close, he still had not asked me to be his girlfriend. About 4 or 5 months into things, I was comfortable with him to give him my virginity - about 1 week after that he asked me to be his girlfriend.

      Is this what you're trying to say?

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      No. In an adult relationship, what guys often do is wait you out. To a guy, sex doesn't mean a relationship. But they also know that a relationship doesn't always equal sex.

      It's more of a standoff procedure. They're basically saying "hmmm, I really like this girl and she really makes me happy, but if she doesn't have sex, I don't know if I can be as faithful to her as I'd want to be as a boyfriend."

      It doesn't mean it's all about sex.

      Men are just very willing to wait and see before committing

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      Thanks! That makes me feel better :) I believe we have a stable, faithful, and most likely adult relationship. I'm 19, but he is 25 and sure, I understand that's a large age gap, but we've had no problems. The way I see it is that if everything works out and nothing illegal is going on, age shouldn't matter. We're happier than ever!