Why does porn hurt women so much?

Disclaimer: I'm not gonna generalize. I know some women don't get hurt by, and some actually enjoy, porn. Just as there are some guys who have no interest in it.

Now, on to the question. We all know guys are hard wired to like porn and naked girls. It's their nature, and they can't help but enjoy it.

But then, why do women get hurt by it? I know I do, and it's not something I "learnt" or was "conditioned". It's just something that came spontaneously. And as much as I understand why guys do it, how they compartmentalize, how it doesn't change their attraction to us, etc, it still hurts a lot. As much as I try to get over it, as much as I try to ignore it and be cool, as much as I try to convince myself it's my problem and that I have to solve it, it still freaking hurts. Even if I'm fully aware that I have the ability to stop it - the hurt - I still can't. Why? Why does it hurt so much? Why does it affect so many women like this? Who was the cruel creature that lay this curse upon us? I hate being hurt by something so unsubstantial. But I CAN'T help it! Why? I suffer each time I see a naked or partially naked woman. I just can't enjoy it.

And to make matters worse, my partner knows about this hurt, this insecurity. I didn't want him to know, because, you know what they say about insecurity being unattractive, and also because while he is being respectful, he now thinks he has to stop it. I never asked him to, and certainly I don't think that's the solution. But he says if it hurts me he'll stop, and yes, I'm glad to have such a considerate man but I feel selfish that he's stopping because of this. I feel like I'm taking away a toy from a little kid, like forbidding candy, taking away a treat. That's not the girlfriend I want to be! And I don't want him to change his habits for me.

But I still hate society's emphasis on looks. I feel ugly all the time. It's just you know, I'd be ok with it if it showed real people. I know there's amateur, but it's quite underrated. And guys always say they prefer natural beauty, if so, why do all the ads, magazines and movies show plastic, fake women, that guys drool over? And don't talk about fashion models, because honestly, they don't make me feel insecure or ugly, porn stars and glamous models do.

Help me! I want to stop hurting, but I feel ugly all the time, plus the thing with my boyfriend makes me feel even more pathetic and embarrassed =(

Updates:
BTW, please, please, PLEASE! Don't turn this into an endless porn debate of right and wrong. I don't care about that. I need help with overcoming the pain.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think a lot of your issue with porn stems from the fact that you are very self-conscious, especially about your looks. Many porn stars are the epitome of what we're told men want; they're usually (key word there!) beautiful, buxom, skiiny, ready to esperiment, ready for a man's pleasure at all times, etc. We can't live up to that, and I think you compare yourself to it just a bit.

    Also, for many women, it is comparable to cheating. When someone watches porn they are getting sexually aroused, enjoying the scene even if they aren't attracted to the people on the screen. Some women see it as a form of cheating. They think the guy would rather be with the girl on the screen, or that the fantasies of her will takeover his mind in their sex life, or that he is comparing them to the porn star. It all really goes back to insecurity. It is the basis of the dislike of porn and strippers, etc. and without curing it you can't help the problem.

    All women suffer from insecurity. Even supermodels. No one can live up to the perfect female image we see blasted by the media everyday. No, not even Kate Moss. It only becomes an issue when we let it take over and control parts of our lives. I'm insecure, too, but I try to work through it by remembering that he is with ME, for some reason. He loves me. He cares for me. He's seen me naked and apparently finds me attractive. I might not like what I see in the mirror because of what I compare myself to, but he likes what he sees.

    And guys think differently. They don't compare us to porn stars. Most guys are smart enough to know that most women don't look like models or Jenna Jamison. They don't expect you to. Porn is merely a fantasy, something to see and enjoy, the same way I enjoy a good picture of Brad Pitt.

    Can I suggest something? Stop worrying. I know it's hard, but try. Then, sit down and watch one with your guy. Make it more about you two sharing an arousing experience and using it as foreplay. Try not to hide from it. If it becomes something you watch together instead of something he has to hide from you, it will de-stress the situation a little. And you might just like it. It can be fun, and you can use it to get yourselves heated up.

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      Yeah, I know, but for one, I don't like it, it doesn't turn me on. And two, the whole idea of him watching porn is that he gets relieved when I'm not around. He deserves his own time, and I don't care if he hides it. It's just the fact that I get insecure, because while he thinks I'm attractive he tells me they're fantasy and that they're perfect physically, and that I'm not, but he doesn't care because I'm attractive anyway. But it hurts that he thinks they're perfect.

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      Well, if he thinks they're perfect, he's a little skewed. Most porn stars definitely don't look like that. As a matter of fact, I've seen some, well, ugly pornt stars. I think that whole "perfect" thing would bother me as well!