My boyfriend views girls on live web cam?

[Jem_19]

I went through history on my computer getting refernces for a project, as per usual there would be p*rn p*rn p*rn sites here and there. I don't mind p*rn at all, I understand it is in the nature of boys to need while their gals are away. But one thing that disturbed me was a site he visited several times that consisted of various girls on live web cam, half naked (and by that I mean titties out, undies on or vice versa) there is a bar where you may type to them and you watch them reply back. It is totally free for all of that until they tease you enough to pay and get the whole deal. Basically, I did not like it one bit at all. I couldn't help but feel hurt and I instantly felt cheated on! P*rn was one thing, this live webcam stuff was a WHOLEEE different level, because of the fact that you communicate to them it brings you to a further intimacy I beleive, even though I don't believe he would have paid, the availability of communicaation to them seemed very real and I would think brings a WHOLE lot more of intimacy. Boys, would you watch this even though you have a beautiful girlfriend ? Am I overreacting? Girls? Have you ever experienced something like this and how would you feel if you were or have been in my situation? I just can't help but wonder if this means he would do this or talk other girls in reality and such. We've been togther for almost 1 and a half years, he has cheated on every one of his gf's he's ever had, but he says I am different and he would hurt himself before ever hurting me. I don't know what to think, I've heard of the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"... Please boys and girls state your opnions on this ...thank you

[Anonymous]

I worked as a webcam model for awhile, so maybe I can give you a bit of an "insider" perspective.

First off, probably like 99% of the girls on websites like this are only in it for the money. Everything is an act for them. Even if they genuinely enjoy being a webcam model, money is still the main motivator. They aren't forming real connections with the guys---they fake liking people in order to get their money. Any guy with half a brain realizes this and knows that he's paying for a girl to act interested in him.

Further, if a guy isn't paying, chances are the girl won't talk to him (or will barely talk to him). On the site I worked on, models can see which users are paying users, and users are also assigned ranks according to how much they tip. Models also have the ability to prevent "guests" (people without accounts), and non-paying users from being able to chat (and many exercise this). A model is not likely to do something that a non-paying user suggests, and she's not going to put much energy into talking to someone who isn't going to tip when she could focus her attention on someone who will (and thus, increase the amount of tips she's getting). No one will buy the cow if you give the milk away for free, so to speak.

If a guy is paying, the girls will fake interest and intimacy and will be willing to do things that the guy asks them to do on cam---but again, its pretty much all an act. If anything, I would describe it as "choose-your-own-adventure" p*rn---in that its a lot like any other kind of p*rn, except if you pay enough, the girl will do what you want to see.

Personally, I think you're overreacting, unless he's paying a lot of money to these girls (but you said you don't believe he has). I'd be more concerned, if say, he was webcamming one-to-one with just a regular girl (not one on a webcam site).

[Jem_19]

Thank you for that

[melody1234]

Yikes. One of my exs cheated on my frequently and no he never changed while we were together. It started with p*rn online. I didn't mind. Then strip clubs which wouldn't have bothered me except he lied about them. Then IMing random girls sexually. Not OK. Then he was a member of several dating sites. Then he was meeting up with people 1 being an ex friend of mine. We were together 6 years. He is remarried now though and I can't say whether or not he's the same. I wouldn't date someone with that history though. If this is someone you trusted completely, I wouldn't in your case, then you probably just need to set up boundaries your comfortable with. If he's still doing it or has taken it a step further, it's time to hit the road. You'll only get hurt in the long run. Good luck.

[Jem_19]

Thank you ! Someone that shares the same emotions as I do. I just think talking to any other girl sexually is cheating. Obviouisly, the more they talk the more they would want the girl, and its sexuallly... come on, if he already isn't resisting, then why would he further more hesitate in any other open opportunities?

[Anonymous]

If the site you're worried about was called "livejasmine" or something like that, it's likely he didn't actually mean to be there. That website has popup ads on a lot of major free p*rn sites. The popups themselves sound pretty much just like you described, with the webcam view and a chat bar. If he's anything like me he was just immediately closing those popup windows and just viewing the regular p*rn.

Of course I don't know for sure what your boyfriend was doing but just know it might not be as bad as you think it is.

[Belgie]

I do think you're over reacting, but if it's that big a deal for you, you have to let him know where your boundaries are, and what you consider cheating to be.

I wouldn't look at a site like that myself, if I was with someone, but I might try to get her to try it with me, if I was into that sort of thing.

[Quadrophonic84]

Yeah, I think you're right. I wouldn't look at sites like that if I was in a committed relationship.

By the way, he obviously has no issues with cheating so why would he care what you think about this where the person isn't even in the room with him?

[l-hedoniste]

You can draw your boundaries wherever you want, but to claim that p*rn is intimate just because you can talk with the actors for pay seems a bit irrational. Strippers talk to customers for pay all the time, and there is zero intimacy in that transaction.

This is a phone sex line, with cameras.

[selfishstars]

Completely agree.

[Jem_19]

I don't think the regular p*rn is intimate but I do think the web cam and chatting to is a whole different connection you get as opposed to just watching regular p*rn. If I were in a strip club with my boyfriend, which I have been and we shortly left on his cue, and the stripper started talking to him, and he paid her, I would be mad.

[l-hedoniste]

Point of etiquette: if you're mad when your boyfriend tips in strip clubs, don't go to strip clubs; wasting a dancer's time while refusing to tip is rude.

[lolyeahright4]

Oh god that's disgusting. I'd be pissed...