Why does virginity matter SO much?

i personally am a virgin but I have a very close friend who tried to commit suicide after having sex because guys made her feel less valued as a person. luckily she is doing OK now it was about a year ago when it happened she's gotten a little better. guys always ask "are you a virgin" it bothers me it shouldn't matter they should like me no matter what. guys tell me "i respect you more for being a virgin" and that actually makes me angry because I am gonna have sex one day, so are they just gonna lose respect for me? its not fair girls have to either be called a prude if they don't have sex. and if they do guys act like they are slutty. when guys are virgins girls think its sweet usually and if a guy is sexually active most girls think "oh good he knows what he's doing". the worst type of guy is the guy who has had sex before but says things like "id rather have a virgin cause they are cleaner, or because they have more class" if in that guys head a sexually active girl is dirty or doesn't have class than he should be to I mean he has had sex also. also guys are called "man-whores" this bothers me cause its implying women are the whores I mean we don't get called "woman-whores" and for the most part the minority of people who fit the description of "slutty" are guys. I hate the fact that society makes it OK for guys to go out and sleep with who ever they want but if a girl has sex with one or two guys she "has no class" if a guy likes me I want it to be for me not because of if I have or haven't had sex yet. no girl likes the "are you a virgin?" question. we don't like being put on the sport like that cause you say "i don't care if you are or arent" well if you don't care then don't ask it! and girls if a guy does ask that you DON'T have to answer its no ones business but your own. I mean its not fair for guys to expect to get a classy girl (in general I'm not talking virgin or non virgin either one I just mean classy i.e. not a "slut" ) if he is trashy himself. if a guy doesn't respect his body then we don't have to settle for him. and guys you don't have to settle for girls who don't either. but I mean so what if she has had sex a few times if she was safe about it, has no std's etc. then why should it matter? sex is a personal decision and if you are safe about it and selective I don't get why guys act like you "slutty" especially when they have slept with more girls than you have guys. one day all us virgins aren't gonna be anymore and we just wanna know that we are gonna be accepted and respected for making a personal adult decision. I mean its not like men need sex more than girls we all need pleasure here and again and I'm pretty sure a study actually showed girls crave it much more. so GIRLS all I ask of you is not to call other girls names like "slut, whore etc." and respect each other as much as you can. and GUYS you need to realize women are equal when it comes to sex and needs before you call a girl something or make her feel bad think about it, thanks
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Firstly women never want to be equal to men, they want to be superior. Most women will never ever ask a guy out, most will sit on their ass and demand a good guy with money and looks.

    Secondly if a guy is a virgin and wants to know if they girl that he's with is also a virgin and she doesn't tell him or gets onto his case, then he is gonna lose interest in her.

    Thirdly women say virgin guys are cute but avoid them like the plague thinking experience is better or that there is something wrong with the guy if he still has his V card after 18. If you think other wise just search this site there are so many virgin guys out there who can't even get a girlfriend because girls aren't interested in them and avoid them like the plague.

    I've heard every excuse in the book from women;

    Just wait you will find her,

    Some day you will find her,

    If you stop trying you will find her,

    If you just go out and enjoy yourself she will find you, (unlikely cause women/girls don't initiate)

    If you got a good home and car,

    If you're social and out going,

    If you're not shy,

    If you're more outgoing,

    If you try different places,

    If you get a good job,

    If you're good looking,

    If you change the way you dress,

    If you get a hobby or join a club (most girls don't go to clubs),

    If you play her,

    If you get her drunk (Stupid cause it's rape if she is drunk which means she can't consent)

    If you are successful (wow most guys aren't neither are most women)

    If you are rich (again most aren't)

    and last but not least when a girl can't find any reason she pulls the BS cockfidence card saying "IF you had more confidence". Confidence is the perception of another person thinking someone is confident ladies.

    Perception is how they look, **NOT** how they are.

    fourthly for ever man-whore out there are women who are willing to sleep and who do sleep with men like him knowing full well what he is. Yet the woman get to choose partners which partners they would have sex with because they don't initiate and those woman choose the man-whore. How else do you think he ranks up notches under his bed post?

    I'll say it again Women choose man-whores.

    • I only agree with your last line.And I don't like all the generalisation,sorry.I don't do it when it comes to guys,and you shouldn't when it comes to women.Everyone's different. That being said, to some people, being a virgin is the most sacred thing in the world, while others couldn't care less.It's all about what kind of people you run into.

    • I wrote this from personal experience, which part did you think was a generalization?

  • People worry too much about virginity... Look at some stupid ideas, girls and guys who want to lose their virginity at say 16 to the perfect guy/girl... I mean come on, what are the chances that, that relationship would last? Not very high since both people will change over this specific course in time and are only new'ish to the idea of sexual relationships. Don't get me wrong, when I lost mine, I didn't just go with any random girl... It was with a girl I loved at the time, but I wasn't idealising the whole experience. Do I regret losing it to her, despite the relationship later dissolving? No, I don't because at the time I wanted to because of how I felt... and she opened me up to the experience. So while sex as a whole should be respected, virginity shouldn't be put on some sort of pedestal as a life changing moment, I mean did having sex change anything about me? Haha, no it really didn't... It didn't make me super macho, or some sort of sex addict. You're right that it's stupid people judge others on their sexual history... Virgin girls are no different sexually from non virgin girls... They are no better or worse performance wise, they aren't 'tighter' contrary to many guys beliefs. All those arguments are stupid and immature stereotypes... I mean I know guys who've slept with a lot of girls, but does that make them good in bed? Apparently not according to girls I know... it's not like every time he has sex, he learns from it, I've spoken to guys who sleep around and I can tell some of them have no idea, they just do it because they enjoy doing it, whether she enjoys it or not is irrelevant to him, unless he is an ego maniac who likes to think he's able to make a girl climax. As for craving sex more? I think both enjoy sex equally, guys are just more vocal about it, they can say scientifically girls do, but they haven't tested every person in the world and studies often have other contradictive studies. Personally my sex drive is high, but my view on sex is very, meh... I don't care whether I'm having it or not like some guys or girls.

    • People worry according to what they worry about. A rich person is rich not because he throws away his money, but because he cares for it. Certainly, he doesn't treat it as if it defines his life (i. e., if you off a very rich man 1 million dollars, he's more likely to chuckle and pat you on the back and say 'nah I don't need it'), but it doesn't mean he doesn't care about it, it means he cares more about it, that he cares that you actually keep it. The ones that don't care about it at all are the ones who really don't. Sexual ideals don't appeal to them, just like how great wealth doesn't appeal to them... (until it gets to a point of course...). Virginity is on its own pedestal, don't take it off just because you want to. You, me, everyone is on their own pedestal, and that's a beautiful thing. Taking it off just shows how much you don't care. Oh wait, you don't care. Right. Or do you? What would you tell your kids anyway? Do you love them or not?

    • Why would I? Virginity is just a word to me, nothing physically or mentally changes for me...

    • Getting personal and intimate with someone is very special. And I have sacrificed most of my life waiting for that one woman to feel desire with love. Sex may not be such a big thing after all, but yet what matters is the emotional bond and experience. Hence being a virign and losing it for the right cause feels good. After all a responsible man should focus on being a great husband and father before putting his penis inside her just for fun. Sex with bond and love is great. Sex with true desire and responsibility is great.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Good question,I had one semi familiar with sex during college.I agree with you,virginity isn't something that should be of value or self worth found in a female. It doesn't define her as a whole,that just something she poses.Just because one chooses to have sex before marriage doesn't make them horrible person. Neither does waiting after marriage that just something they chose to do.

    Same goes for guys, but that depends in every individual how they chose to look at sex, either a casual thing or something special. I've also heard the whole "I respect you more.." line I learned that's bull when some guys say it. if he just wants to get it in, he's going to say everything to make you feel like your the greatest. But like I said that's some guys, not all others will truly respect you for it..it's just a hard call sometimes.That's when your personal judgment comes into play about his intention's.

    In conclusion sex is just all over the media now more then ever,it's depicted as the "everyone is doing it."kind of things although many of us don't fallow the in crowd. It seem's to be the norm,which makes everyone else thing that really everyone is doing it. In regards to the names females are given it's still a double slandered that people phase up to today.

  • Girl, where do you live? Cause I'll get a plane right now and fly all the way over there, I rather be there than over here. Where I live is the opposite of where you live, over here guys don't like virgins, they rather be with sexually experienced women and they look down on virgin women. I'm like wtf?! This society is getting worser and worser.

    I agree guys shouldn't be expressing like that calling "slut" "whore" "bitch" "skank" cause if it wasn't for those "whores" they would still be virgins. They should also think they have a mom and/or sister(s)

    So guys, think about it before you open your little smart mouth.

    • yeah I know its not easy being a virgin iether, trust me. but its worth it for me if guys wanna call me a prude then its their issue

  • For me virginity is very much an individual thing and each person will put a different level of value on it. Personally I value it quite highly and would never do 'one-night-stands' or sleep with someone early on in a relationship. I'm kinda proud to say that I've only ever been with someone in that way if I've been in a proper relationship with them. If you value it similar, then you do what's right for you and don't be influenced by society pressures and what others might say or think of you... You're doing what's right for you and respecting yourself. It's no one else's business anyway! lol

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

13 27
  • virginity implies less emotional baggage

    • how do you figure that?

  • yeah I agree with you

    theres a book that I read that talks exactly about that its called

    "The Purity Myth" by jessica valenti

    i read that book, gets right to the point

    its so frustrating how people of both sexes judge you by not even your sexuality but by the fact that you even have experience or not. but this is a society that's been set up this way and its not going to b fixed over night, it takes a lot of time and there will be always people that will be stupid about anything!

  • That and because some guys aren't confident and comfortable with their sexual ability and skill. Yes.

  • Possible reasons why guys ask women whether they're virgins or not is because some guys think that women have had sex at an earlier age. Also, some guys get a pleasure of having sex with a girl who is a virgin because either they like knowing the fact they took a woman's virginity away (makes some men feel strong, confident, proud, and special), men want to know a woman's sexual experience, or because men want to know whether or not it is safe to sleep with the woman. No man wants an STD, or take care of a baby if they think they're not the father of it. However, if you want to have sex with a person, I agree along with you that a person should want to have sex with that person just because they want to have sex with that person. I hope my advice helps and best of luck with you situation!

    • oh I get it some guys are just very insecure about having small penises?

    • Some guys are insecure, some guys are curious, some guys want to prep better so they don't scare the girl away. Now asker, the remark you gave implies you note a negative attachment to small penises. Do you have anything else you would stigmatise a guy with? For example... jobless? or... ugly? or... poor? or... homeless? Well, I think you're starting to get the answer already. Virginity has a lot more value than all those things. And yes, virginity has more value than a big penis. So to not be concerned with virginity is to not also be concerned with looks, wealth, smarts, career, wisdom, etc etc. And these are considered much less concerning that small penises. Priorities, a good thing to have. A lot of rubbish doesn't equate to a little bit of gold.

  • It all depends on the person, and whether they value it for the right reasons. Not everything is as simple as it seems. Even the most 'simple' person may actually be quite complex when you really look into them.

    That said, does virginity matter? On its own, it doesn't have very much value, however, what it tends to represent carries a lot of weight. This is the part that really counts. And different people give it different weighting, so that is not a one answer fits all either.

    To people like myself, virginity matters WHEN it also coincides with a desire to think about your future partner and not just for yourself. The selfishness demonstrated when one just casually treat themselves and their body as things to be experimented/used 'because it's mine, NOT YOURS' isn't one I sit well with.

    Other guys don't care as much, so if you're like that, then you can go with them (they are out there, tons of them =D). As for guys like us? Don't waste your time on us, because usually a lot of things are tied to that sentiment as well. It is related to how we treat our pets, or tools, or cars, or house etc. We tend to be very fussy and choosy about what 'can do' and what 'can not do'. The minimum standard is high, but we are always pleased when those standards are met. (It means that we don't raise it much, once it's reached, it's reached and we're happy).

    As for others who are rather flexible as have a variable standard? I have dated them before, the standard seem to change all the time according to what they feel they 'deserve'. No satisfying them, very selfish people.

    So yep, usually guys like us have dated enough to decide early that some things just arn't for us. And one of the easier ways to do it is "do you care about what belongs to you?", virginity being one of the 'minimum standard' there is. Afterall, it is probably the most personal thing a person can have.

    But I'm also quite lenient, you can kiss, fondle, mutual masturbate, I'm fine. Just no sex.

    • And just to clarify one last part... (cos I ran out of characters to type) Now, if by the time you are no longer a virgin, (to answer the question), I don't have fixed opinions about that. If it's a guy whom when you give your virginity to (share with rather), and that experience and bond added to who you are and gave you a whole lot in return, I would actually have a great opinion of you. But that said, I would also presume that somewhere down the line, he's so good that you will marry him and he will marry you, unless something of great misfortune happens to him... or you. (Touch wood). But, if you're just screwing around and then questioning 'why are guys such stuck up people?', then I'd question your ability to think (and would not date you), and also would like to point to the overgeneralisation on your part. I am like this, other guys are not. Go with another guy who doesn't have the brains to ask that question. Though he might not care other other things too.

  • The sex stuff is clearly blasted out of proportion. It's more of an ego thing for guys, specifically adolescent males but girls it's different. It depends on the individual. I can understand a few, maybe a handful but not a bucket-list of them. It's almost pride for a guy and I myself am pure. Its frustrating on my part for a few reasons but that's because of personal life issues. Don't get me wrong, I have my urges and desires just like everyone but I can contain myself. Now a days, its a matter of dignity. I just wish it would be a bit more appreciated then blown off

  • all the young guys today are total douche bags. I constantly want to choke the life out of my little brothers friends for the way they treat girls now days. if they would have acted like they do 10 years ago, they would have got their @$$es STOMPED everyday with their thug/player mentality. Its amazing what one generation in difference makes.

    but anyway, if a girl is looked down on for loosing her virginity then a guy should be too. its all the same.

  • I care if the person is a virgin or not so I will ask. If she is a virgin then I let her know that I am not going to be her first. I avoid virgins for a good reason.

  • Rather than answer this--you've answered it well enough--here's a few questions for you to pose to your guy friends:

    If you value me *only* for your virginity, then why would I want you in my life?

    Why would I allow you to reduce my value to a single sexual act?

    Doesn't it show bad character to reduce someone's character to a single trait, like a racist does?

    Is my virginity my only good trait? My most important one?

    Have you ever respected a person who wasn't a virgin? Why?

    Have you ever met a classy person who wasn't a virgin?

    If you lose your virginity, should I stop respecting you?

    I'm curious as to what answers you get.

  • Slightly different take on the same issue: link

  • Woah, what state do you live in, because that is not the way it is where I come from.

    To answer your question though: Virginity is a symbol of one's purity & self control, so when you loose your virginity before you're married, in societies eye's, it's frowned upon.

    I genuinely feel sorry for your friend though, because where I live, everyone's #1 goal on the weekend is to get laid and the more a girl "puts out" is the more popular she becomes... it's a social rule I personally don't agree with.

    • california,usa

  • i totally Agree with u. Guys ought to understand that Women are as Human as guys are.

  • Virginity sometimes means innocent so I think guys like knowing what they are getting into to (pun not intended) before they do. He also knows whether or not to take it slow.

  • If you're in a culture or environment which values virginity to such a high degree, either leave, or feel free to lie about it.

    • no I live in america

    • you should never lie about stuff like that

    • well I mean I think I wanna wait till I'm at least 21. but if I am disgusted at some laws in some places. in america society almost gives unsaid laws by pushing things into your head and the media

    • Show All
  • It doesn't.

  • goood point (:

  • To be honest I can't read such a wall of text. But the basic issue here seams to be Virginity.

    The only real reason I can see where a girl being a virgin would make me feel better is because if I do have sex with her I know I would be the first one. I was lucky that both me and my girlfriend was virgin when we meet I suppose because virgins are really bad in bed.

    If the partner actually cares virginity is nothing that should be taken away carelessly. That goes for both men and women. You need to take it slow and really take your time making sure both will enjoy it. For a seasoned lover this would most likely feel like helping an old person over the street and even then they are still no better at sex after it.

    A guy who "search" for virgins probably just want to either dominate or just add a number to his name. In other words duchbags. That girls let themselves be deceived by idiots like that actually really annoys me.

    • It annoys you that guys do this to girls or that girls fall for a guy whos good at decieving?

    • I can't make myself think they are "good at deceiving"... Its so transparent in my eyes and I'm astonished at how easily some girls falls. This has nothing to do with anyone on this site just things I have observed around me (my mums best friend is currently in the hospital after almost being beaten to death for example)

  • Wow LOVE your point of view! I totaly agree with you :)

  • Well here's why virginity matters to men when it comes to women. You see you women have it easy when ti comes to getting sex. Men don't. You literally could walk into a bar, or nightclub with a bullhorn and yell, "Alright I'm horny, who wants to f*ck me?" and you're gonna have hordes of men running straight to you. Whereas if I were to do that and yell the same thing, I'm gonna either be met with crickets, or I'm going to jail. And that's not fair either. But that's how life is. So since sex is easy for you women, if you have sex with lots of men, you're gonna lose value. Whereas a man who has sex with a lot of women, he's gonna gain value because of the fact that it's SO HARD for a man to have sex with just ONE woman. 1/3 men in the US who are aged 30 and under are virgins or haven't had sex in over a year, but that same stat doesn't appear with women. Because like I said earlier, it's EASIER for women to get sex. A key that opens many locks is a master key. But a lock that opens to any key is a crappy lock. I didn't make up the rules, I'm just telling you how it goes. So if you don't want guys to judge you for sleeping around, then don't sleep around.

  • Virginity matters only to women. Why does the way some douch act matter when it comes down to sex. you are trying to feel good..get your horn on..whatever. women put too many feelings into stuff. While I am not defending slime that cheat..I can understand how a guy could have sex with someone and have it truly mean less then nothing. I think a woman should be able to screw as much as she wants...a guy can and many don't frown on him...

    • It does not only matter to women! So many guys I know broke up with their gfs after discovering that they were not virgins or got really mad. What's the big deal with guys caring so much about their girls virginity? I heard them say 'she's such a slut' or I don't want to be with a girl who's been around. Guys, lay off the 'my girlfriend has to be a virgin or else' attitude, you'll be disappointed <3

  • Show More (20)