Oral sex in a relationship (and a couple other questions)

[Anonymous]

So I've been in a committed relationship with this girl for about two months now, and we're both ready to have sex. I'm still a virgin, but we've messed around a lot and I've watched a good amount of p*rn in my time so I'm not that worried about it. For the past couple weekends we've consistently ended the night in one of our rooms hooking up, usually with making out and me fingering her. She's made it clear she wants to go all the way, and last weekend we would have except I didn't have any condoms on me. The thing that kinda puzzled me, though, was that she was really against me giving her oral. Any time I would make a move to go down there she would say no, and we'd go back to what we were doing before. From p*rn and stories from friends and whatnot, I've always thought oral sex was a typical part of sex, and that most people did it on their way to intercourse. Like, making out would lead to fingering which would lead to oral (for either person) and then finally intercourse. This is the furthest I've ever gone with a girl, though, so how common is this resistance to oral in relationships? We're both crazy about each other and she's made it clear she wants to go all the way. Also, I can't imagine it being a body image issue as she has an incredibly sexy body, and judging by what she wears I'm pretty sure she knows it haha. Why do you think she has this resistance, and is oral sex in committed relationships not as common as I previously thought? Is there anything I could do to maybe open her up to it (no pun intended)? If there's no easy way to get her to be open to oral (at least for now), what are some other things I can do for foreplay, before penetration? I feel weird going straight from making out/fingering her to intercourse, as if we're skipping a couple steps. If oral on her is out of the question, what are some other things i/we could do as "intermediate steps" between making out and intercourse? (or is any additional foreplay even required?) Related to that, in our hook ups I've always been the one to make the moves and go to the next level, so she's never made a motion to do something to me (such as a handjob, blowjob, etc). I feel really weird getting her to make that kind of move on me as I feel that should be her job, but so far she hasn't made any attempt. What should I do? Thanks for the input. I know some of you will say I should just talk to her about these things (which I've more or less tried), but it's also good to hear what other people have to say. Also, she's under the impression that I'm not a virgin and I've never really bothered to correct her, so I don't want to bring up anything that might illuminate my lack of sexual history.

[jacquesvol]

On condoms:

They're 98% safe and the 2% failures are mainly user failures, YOU can make them 99.99% safe:

1.

NEVER use them with any kind of grease: only water, spermicidal or silicone based gel.

2.

Don't rely on condoms alone, if possible: use them with spermicidal gel (certainly for a first time: it will lubricate but I don't know if it tastes neutral)

AND keep plan B in the house. (every sexually active woman should have it always at hand,24/7: much better than searching an open and stocked pharmacy in a small town on Easter Sunday)

3.

Buy good brand condoms (lubricated, with reservoir) and keep them unwrinkled in a fresh place (not in a glove box in Nevada summer or 4 years in a hip pocket),

4.

Throw them away once a year, used or not.

5.

User failure is the cause of 99% of condom accidents.

So be handy with them, try it out when there's no hurry (French schoolgirls learn it in class, on broomsticks: no girls hurt or shocked, they've lots of fun and giggling, but the Bible Belt would be horrified) You could see if a special size is needed, and if anti allergic (polyurethane) condoms are needed.

be prudent when opening the wrapper (fingernails)

6.

When rolling them on, pinch the reservoir

7.

When retracting, hold the condom on the base of the penis: a full condom on a flaccid penis slips off, spilling in the vagina

Long text and a bit 'standard', but I wrote it some time ago.

Some literature on condoms, to fill in what I probably have forgotten:



link



link



link

For most girls it does NOT really hurt if the guy is caring.

My wife described it as 'a slight burning, soon forgotten'.

[jacquesvol]

Question Asker,

i read below

"she's had 2 or 3 boyfriends before me so I assume she has experience"

With some girls boyfriends don't go beyond kissing and breast play: how old is she, how religious is she? How much is she at ease with physical things? How easily does she talk about her period for instance? IMHO she doesn't feel ready for a lot of things.

Don't rush into it, don't even plan it but be prepared.

First, get used to all kinds of manual sex: don't start with intercourse. Let it come naturally but be prepared.

Let your "first time" just be a little step more, building up slowly, without stress: first a finger then fingerS, one finger, two fingers, three fingers, penis.

NOT a "Tonight-I-must- lose-my-virginity" evening.

Let it happen some afternoon or evening when you're alone in the house, phones switched off.

Be 100% relaxed and very turned on: no penis penetration before her first (or third!) orgasm of the evening.

Don't do anything if she doesn't like it or if it hurts.

Use lubrication. (IDK but KY seems to be the known American brand) if necessary but her natural lube is way better and more natural to her.

Oral can come later.

There is no reason that oral should precede vaginal.

[jacquesvol]

(I had to post in two parts)

[jacquesvol]

Why she doesn't want you giving her oral? I'd see two reasons: -She learned it's 'dirty down there' (that's told time and again to toddlers and "she's never made a motion to do something to me (such as a handjob, blowjob,") -She thinks she would have to give you a BJ in return and she isn't ready for that. HOW OLD IS SHE?

[jacquesvol]

First talk a lot more with her, about her feelings concerning sexuality, her body image.

[jacquesvol]

Question Asker, Sorry if my comment is bit of a puzzle to you but the site didn't accept a long text today. I had to post it in more than one part and add some things.

[Anonymous]

A lot of girls are self-conscious about receiving oral. I know you said you think that's not a problem she has, but... I wouldn't be too sure. Some of these other people are saying going down on girls isn't normal. That's not true. It's quite common. But, if she's inexperienced she will probably take a little longer to get used to the idea. Wait until after you've had sex probably. Use lube the first time you have sex if that seems reasonable (it will help A LOT, but may seem a little awkward to bring up). I'm betting she wouldn't mind blowing you or giving you a hand job, but isn't confident that she will know what to do. I was so hesitant to do it at first just because I was afraid I'd be awful. All of these things will get better the more comfortable you are with each other and that will come with time. Also, definitely tell her, she won't judge you for it unless you actually lied to her about having sex before (in which case, don't bother telling her, just let it go).

[Anonymous]

You should tell her your a virgin because she is probably worried about what she looks, smells and tastes like down there! And probably thinks that you might compare her or might not even like it after you have tried it! And as for the blowjobs she's probably just shy. Maybe while you are kissing and touching her, (once you feel like she's really starting to enjoy it) maybe you should just take her hand and put it on you and see how she reacts. It could be bad where she will freak out and maybe get a bit a mad.. totally unfair if she does after what you have said about her in your question but at least then you can talk about it. OR she might just start to enjoy it and go a little further..

[Craziie]

It could be that she feels insecure or something. Maybe she'll think you'll hate it or maybe she smells down there, or is afraid that she will and you'll notice. Talk to her about this issue. Tell her that it would be amazing to be able to pleasure her in that way and that it would had spice to the sex ! Ask her the reason(s) as to why she refuses it. Good luck !

[peace-love-couture]

Blowjobs are common, going down on girls isn't(most guys don't wanna do it)

Most couples finger and give blowjob and then have sex or they just focus on the guy by giving him a blowjob.

Just hint to her that you want oral sex.

[Asker]

Any ideas on how I can hint this? haha When it comes to articulating our thoughts while hooking up we're both pretty shy.

[jacquesvol]

"Blowjobs are common, " hum, not always, not every person, same as going down on a girl: many girls and guys still have hangups they've gotten from their education.

[jacquesvol]

@Question Asker.

"we're both pretty shy. " Indeed. You'll have to get over your sex-education-by-looking-at-XXX.

XXX is not sex, it's showplay, far from reality. Buy yourself a good book maybe : link or link is an old one, pre-WW2, but still sound. There are other more recent books, all are better than pron.

[peace-love-couture]

Most guys expect blowjobs, so yes it I common. Push her head down, not forcefully but you get the point

[KarKingJack]

Maybe she just doesn't like it? You should ask her about it when your not like, fornicating, haha. You know, ask her why she doesn't want you giving her oral. I'm sure she'll know more than us.

[Phoma21]

I don't want oral either, its just a personal thing. She may not want it just because. she could give you a blow job? ask her about it. Id personally rather give head than recieve it just about any day as long as I know the guy.

[justaskinnn]

ewwww don't have sex until at least 21. I won't recommend.

[blythely]

More on condoms failures.. it is super critical to use appropriate Nominal Width condoms. If you have above average girth and live in the USA you must buy condoms online. MyONE is USA based selling up to 64mm. You can import My. Size brand up to 69mm

[Kapooya]

Just do it

[Anonymous]

She may resist because she's inexperienced or uncomfortable. I've been with my girl for 3 years, I'm her first and I have never and never will go down on her, she's asked which is proof some girls are open but going down isn't my thing. she goes down on me though

We're suppose to give girls more foreplay but if you don't like foreplay then you don't have to cause she'll live and lube exists.

Man if you want a bj then tell her.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not a chick I'm a dude but I created a wrong account

[Asker]

I love foreplay and I wanna do whatever I can to make her happy. I'm not interested in just having her get me off, I want her to enjoy herself too. :) I don't really know enough about her sexual history, but she's had 2 or 3 boyfriends before me so I assume she has experience.