Why does a guy say no to casual sex?

[Anonymous]

I have had this ongoing friends with benefits with this guy who lives out of town. We decided the distance was to hard. Yesterday he tells me that he still finds me incredibly sexy! Then I find out later in the day he will be in town. I asked him if he wanted to hook up and he said, I thought we decided it was a bad idea. I said just one last time. We have agreed the sex is AWESOME! He even said so yesterday, but he still said No. The long distance thing does not work. I said it doesn't have to be, one more time this weekend and then it is over. He still says it's a bad idea. Why would a guy tell you your incredibly sexy, the sex with you is awesome and then say no to sex?

[Anonymous]

They say no because sex just isn't as important as you would think to guys and if it is just sex with you, well it has to be super convenient to make the time for it. Worse, if it is casual sex only, well it is meaningless to them, they have no attachment to you and eventually may feel badly about doing this or just grow bored.

I had an ex who was seeing someone for 3 years before me. They had a sex-only deal and he tried to break it off with her a few times, but she kept pushing to keep it going. He was a player, but even he felt it was wrong to have an emotionless sexual deal with this woman. He just felt it was proving he had no heart or soul and he did not like that.

[missnicole]

Maybe he already had plans to hook up with someone else...

[Asker]

But I am the BEST SEX EVER! Plus I asked him if there was something he was not telling me and he said he has always told me. He is just not into the long distance deal.

[missnicole]

Him telling you you are the best sex ever doesn't equal you are the only sex ever... Just saying, its a possibility that he's not exclusively only having sex with you.

[Asker]

No I agree, but I asked him if there was someone else, and he says no, it's the distance. I said OK, that just doesn't make sense.

[missnicole]

Guys (and also girls) aren't always 100% truthful... If he admitted there was someone else, he'd also have to answer the question if you were the best ever, why would he want anyone else...which would lead to more questions that he'd have to answer, so on so forth, Easier to just avoid it since well, he's moving anyway and it won't matter once he's gone. Or maybe there isn't anyone else...he just didn't feel like it and this is all being over analyzed lol It could be anything.

[Anonymous]

I have a long distance relation and couple of booty calls in town that asked for sex and I refused because I don't want to cheat. I told them that. I would have guessed he is in that situation where he starts to have another girl in his life. But you mentioned he said no. I agree with you, it's unusual!

May be he is afraid you're involved emotionally and he thinks that casual sex is a bad idea then. Or he's afraid of getting emotionally attached because he knows the long distance thing won't work. In either case he'd be trying to avoid a situation where feelings get hurt. If it's the case he is a mature person.

[Anonymous]

Oh I don't know... to not p*ss you off?

"You are sexy" = good thing to say to keep the door open for potential future booty call

"You are awesome/amazing/great/etc at sex" = good thing to say to keep the door open for potential future booty call

Then why, you ask, would he not want to hook up when he came to town? Sounds to me like he's got something else going on, perhaps a girlfriend (or soon to be) where he lives and he doesn't want to cheat on her.

[Asker]

That's what I thought, and I asked him about that. He said "No, there is nothing else. I have told you when I have starting to see someone. I am just not interested in the long distance deal."

[Opinion Owner]

Well either he's lying to you or he just doesn't want to have sex with you.

[Asker]

But what guy says no to sex, that's what I don't get!

[Opinion Owner]

If he's around your age (30-35) or older his body is slowing down. He's not 18 anymore and he doesn't want sex 24/7. (If he's out of shape at all or an unhealthy eater then his sex drive will drop even more.) He may just have more important things to be doing on his visit.

[TyroneJayJackson]

Because maybe he's worried that either of you might get attatched to each other and then that would mean it would hurt him seeing as it would be long distance and it would make a lot of complications to put it bluntly.

[Asker]

I asked him once if he thought there was more there between us and he said it was just sex. Still feel the same?

[TyroneJayJackson]

Hmmm, I don't know then, Sorry.

[l-hedoniste]

There's nothing more likely to make a guy rethink his decision than awesome sex. He doesn't want to be like "maybe this can work" when he knows it won't.

[Addie13]

I'd say if he's genuinely a nice guy he probably doesn't want to get attached to you since the long distance thing was deemed a "bad idea". Which one of you suggested it was a bad idea anyways? If you stated it first he might have just agreed so he could walk away on good terms.

If he seems shady at all, then he probably is getting tail somewhere else. And his comments were probably to boost your confidence for any future hook ups. Think of it like leaving the door cracked.

[Asker]

His idea to take a step back and realize the long distance thing doesn't work.

[Asker]

He is not shady at all, always been honest with me. I have known him since college. We have lots of mutual friends.

[Anonymous]

Does he think you are ugly? He calls you sexy, but sometimes men can lie, you know? Are you fat, how attractive are you compared to him?

Also, does hw think you may have STDs? Perhaps he had sex with you last time, and developed a rash or something? Have you been checked?

Also, are you married?

it seems odd that a man does not want to have sex with you. All men love to have sex. I would have sex if a woman wanted it.

[Anonymous]

Is is married? Have a wife? Children? That could be a problem...

[Asker]

no, single, never married, no kids,