Do threesomes always mess up a relationship?

I read that as much as 15% of couples in the US experience a threesome or couple swap at some point in their life. However, the study did not say the percentage of couples that stay together afterward. I know there are people who say it is perfectly OK if the relationship is healthy and both are just interested in the experience, but I also know others who, speaking from their experience, say that it becomes an addiction and at some point one partner simply can't take it anymore.Have you had a threesome? If so, are you still with the person you were with when you invited another man or woman into your bedroom? If not, did the break-up happen because of the result of sexual exploration?

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  • In my first long-term relationship (lasting about 5 years), I had one threesome. We're no longer together, but our breakup had nothing to do with the threesome. In fact, the threesome was a very positive experience for us. We had a great time and it turned us on to each other even more than we already were. We used to spend a lot of time talking about our fantasies, and it ignited a lot of new fantasies to talk about (like, things we could do with a third person involved), which got us both very hot and bothered, but not in the sense that it became an addiction---more in the sense that it was really sexy and fun and that we'd be willing to do it again if the opportunity presented itself. But to be honest, one of the things that we both agreed on was that threesomes are overrated. That's not to say that they can't be an awesome experience, but I think because threesomes are such a popular fantasy and one that not everyone gets to engage in, people build them up to be more amazing than they are. My partner and I both agreed that while it was a turn-on and a neat experience, we had had a lot of sex that was much hotter involving just the two of us. That threesome happened back when my ex and I were both 18. We had spent a lot of time talking about it beforehand---about how we might feel, what we would be comfortable with and what we would not be comfortable with and making sure we were on the same page about it. We sought out a partner that we were both comfortable with. I was still quite self-conscious at that age, so I wanted it to be with someone who we both found attractive, but not so attractive that I would feel intimidated by or worry that he found her more attractive than me. We ended up meeting a woman online (we thought it better to do it with someone who we didn't know personally, so that if we did have a negative experience, it wouldn't affect a friendship, nor would we have to see her again) who was quite a bit older than us, and I think that her experience and maturity helped a lot in making it a positive experience. We spoke with her about it beforehand, and she asked us about our boundaries/limits and that made me feel really at ease because I could tell that she respected us and our relationship and wanted it to be a positive experience for all of us. After the threesome, we spent a lot of time talking about how we felt about it and making sure that we were both in a positive space and that there were no negative feelings or jealousy.In my current relationship (going on 5 years), I've had multiple threesomes (involving both men and women), and one foursome. They've all been positive experiences and have never caused any problems or jealousy in our relationship. The experiences have been even better, I think, because I'm more secure in both myself and my relationship (the other relationship was my first serious relationship). Most of these threesomes have been with friends, which is a bigger turn-on (since I'm more comfortable

    • with them and because there's more sexual tension between everyone involved). All of my friends are mature people, and so its never caused any problems or weirdness between us and the people we've had them with either. Again, it's not an addiction for either of us---it's just something we're open to if the opportunity arises.

  • Nothing is "always". I know that there are some people, especially those in open relationships, who are very well adapted to that sort of thing and so it only strengthens their relationship. But I'm sure it does cause problems a lot of the time.

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