Transgender, tomboy, or something else?

[Anonymous]

I've always been very masculine... my personality, habits, clothing, hobbies, and many of my mannerisms. I've always felt much more "guy" that "girl." Despite this, I don't have a very strong desire or feel the need to attempt to change my sex on the outside with surgery or hormones. If this definition that I found of the term "transgender" is correct, then I think it identifies me: Describes people who have a gender identity other than that traditionally thought to “match” their assigned sex, and other than that thought to “match” many or most of the roles, behaviors and appearances culturally expected of that sex. For example, someone who was assigned male sex at birth but who feels like/identifies as a woman. If I fit most of that criteria, but don't necessarily feel I was born in the wrong kind of body (though at times I can't stand having a female body), could I be identified as transgender?

[markml]

Well you're not tg. I'm positive.

Tg is an identity disorder. It used to be considered a serious psychiatric disorder before we became such a PC society that we consider everything normal.

And so that definition is milk toast compared to what a true description of the disorder would be. Basically, true "gender identity disorder" involves a strong feeling you have the wrong body. Like it'd be no different than if you were born black and felt you were really white.

It's a delusional disorder, much like schizophrenia, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why we've stopped treating it as such. It's because I guess we think it's easier to change the body than to fix the mind, even when there's nothing wrong with the body. That's the only difference really...schitzophrenia can't be physically treated (other than locking the person up) because there is no way to alter the whole world to fit their image.

Also, you know that a large number of people question their gender at some point? That's not the same as GID, which is terribly misdiagnosed anyway. Just look at the number of people who've had gender reassignment surgeries who later regret it. What kind of society do we have? Pretty soon psychiatry will be dead (insurance companies already don't want to pay for it) and people will just go to plastic surgeons to solve all their problems!

Understanding biology helps a little bit too. There are people who are born with extra chromosomes, and those people have a much better excuse to consider themselves transgender than people who just have GID. But the fact is that you need to have at least one Y chromosome to be male, and I'm pretty sure you didn't get one. In some sense, everyone is female long before they're born, and then for some us, the code in the Y chromosome kicks in and turns us into males. There can be hormonal imbalances later in life, but that's relatively easy to fix compared to changing DNA. You can't escape DNA, and even if you had a man's hormonal levels, you're still missing the actual code that makes you really male.

What I think is probably going on in your case is that rather than actually being very masculine, the issue is that you haven't yet discovered how to fully express your womanhood...which is perfectly fine at your age. Not all flowers bloom at the same time. You seek out male activities, because those are more neutral than the female ones. Hey...maybe I'm biased, but I think acting "male" in our society is much more natural than acting "female". But you probably also aren't spending as much time socializing with females, which is why your mannerisms are different.

But the good news is that you don't have to give up anything to be female. Especially in America! In our society, there's nothing really that guys can do that girls can't do. I think if you find just one thing you like about being female, that will over time change your perception.

[l-hedoniste]

Pathologize her experience immediately, I'm sure that'll be helpful.

[markml]

Um...if you read what I wrote, that's not what I'm doing. I said she's most likely normal.

[Asker]

Though the mind and body might not match, things might not need fixing. It’s a miscommunication. I’ve never known anyone who questionined their gender (masculine/feminine characteristics). Where you said acting male in our society is much more neutral than acting female, there’s no universal way to act male/female, as those are terms related to one’s sex, rather than gender. Those terms aren’t interchangeable. One is biological and one is psychological, as you seemed to understand in the earlier part of your post.

[Asker]

I actually have considered getting my hormone levels. And I actually am quite masculine. I really don’t get what you meant by “fully express your womanhood.” I think you meant femininity. I don’t consciously seek masculine activities they are all things that I enjoy. How could you assume that I don’t spend time with females? most of my friends have been female, and most of their mannerisms are very feminine. Anyway, I still appreciate you responding to my question with a thorough answer.

[markml]

Ok...hmm...I assumed you didn't spend much time around females, because that's true of most tomboys I know...many grew up in all-male families...and also because most guys I know don't have that many female friends because they don't share the same interests. On the other hand, I guess someone who grew up around mostly guys might act more masculine but not see anything wrong with it. If your friends are all "very feminine" as you say, it may make you feel less feminine when you're really normal

[markml]

Also, I do understand the technical difference between "gender" and "sex", but my view is that "gender" as it's defined by society is mostly artificial. How can you categorize someone's personality? It's silly because people are very diverse. This whole website is in some ways based upon the faulty perception that there's a huge difference between men and women. Most people are androgynous (to use a gender term). If you accept your body, then nothing needs fixing. GID is where you don't.

[l-hedoniste]

You might be going about this in reverse; identification is usually the end of a sorting-out process, rather than the beginning. We usually figure out what we feel and what to do about it, before we go about putting a name on it.

So how do you feel about embracing your masculinity? Annoyed? Intrigued? Excited? Playful? Scared? Most likely, all these things at different times and more, and that's fine, as long as you're integrating these feelings rather than going to war with them.

Then, what do you want to do about your masculinity? You're already willing to look and act the part, but you're not willing to go for body alteration yet. That's fine; that bit's optional, anyway. Are you part of any trans community? Do you have friends that accept you? Lovers? Colleagues? As long is this is who you are, you might as well arrange your life and relationships so that it works.

By the time you have everything in place, inside and out, you'll know well enough what you feel like calling yourself.

[Asker]

I just have confusion in knowing where to place myself on the gender spectrum. I feel proud/comfortable embracing my masculinity. It's mainly others who feel awkward, but I do have friends who accept me. I'm not part of a trans community yet, since I'm not completely sure if that’s the umbrella I fit under, since transgenderism has many forms. I think there’s something I should call myself other than a tomboy, because I feel like there’s something deeper there.

[l-hedoniste]

Why not just "masculine woman", for simplicity's sake?

[Asker]

Like I said, I think there's something deeper there than just a "masculine woman" as you put it, which I thought was the same thing as a tomboy... I understand what you mean, though. If only gender, or my gender identity situation, were simple... which neither one is.

[l-hedoniste]

I'd take interesting over simple any day.

[Asker]

Same here. I just wish it could be simplified, just so I can know myself better. : )

[SoylentMean]

The thing about being transgender is that it's not really about being "feminine" or "masculine." You can be masculine or feminine and still be a woman and vice versa for men. Yes, some transgender people like to conform and express themselves in what would be a conventional gender-role, but no more or less than cisgender people do. Transgender goes beyond gender roles and is an inherent phenomena that most trans people will tell you they just feel, and that's the way it is. And we should believe them.

Specifically for you, I think you should see a therapist. That's usually the first step for anyone who is having feelings of being the gender they weren't assigned to (called Gender Dysphoria). The doctor will be able to work with you and help you answer your own questions -- after all, no one can tell you if you're transgender but yourself. Good luck to you! You're gonna be okay, so no worries! Just remember that you're NOT ALONE. :)

[flirtfly17]

If you don't feel that you were born in the wrong kind of body but can't stand having a feminine body... maybe you could try to gain more muscle, and dress less femininely. Then see if you feel more comfortable. If not, maybe you could consider the issue further (just advice of course)...

I bet there is such a thing as border-line transgender.

[Asker]

I already do dress less feminine. I only dislike the top part of my body as far as the girl stuff goes. I've started working out. I'm hoping it'll make me more comfortable. There a few different definitions given for what transgender means. Based on some I've seen, and different identities within the category, I really feel like I fit in there somewhere. I just don't know how to go about telling people, since I don't feel the complete need for hormones or surgery.

[flirtfly17]

I say do what makes you feel comfortable and closer to whoever you want to. If you like girls and you get intimate with one, tell them, if you like guys, same for them. If you mean co-workers and friends, let them just take you for who you are unless you feel like talking about it. It's about YOU. If you don't feel right telling them, don't feel obligated, you don't owe them any explanations. Family? Well, do you feel comfortable talking to them?

[Anonymous]

Don't worry I'm a bit mascueline too hehe. I'm a girl and my friend ask me if I want to go to the mall with them but I say no I cant, but I really go home and work on my wordwork ( I have a shack in my room :P) anyway no fear be who you are ! Woodwork is amazinggggggggggggggggggggggg

[CuddlyCarla]

If you don't want a sex change or hormone therapy than you aren't transgendered or transexual, you are just a tomboy. Stop overthinking it.

[Asker]

There are many transgender people who don't receive hormone therapy or surgery. By the way, transgenderism is psychological, and transsexualism involves the physical part (surgeries).

[Asvaldr]

Your condition is not gid but rather gender nonconformism. I am a gender nonconforming guy myself who operates in a mainly feminine way. The final stage of pregnancy is when the brain of the child develops, so if your mother's testosterone level was a bit to high in that time, your brain may have become a bit more masculine even if the rest of your body is purely feminine. The best course of action if yo have doubts is to visit a gender therapist and discuss this with them. You will have to be completely honest and open with them about this issue and they will shed some light on this matter, but in the end it will be up to you to choose one path or another. If you decide to remain physically female they will teach you how to operate in a more unisex manner to feel happy about yourself. If you decide to alter your body and take it on a masculine path, they will conduct you towards a psychiatrist and an endocrynologist for hormone replacement therapy. After a year or two of hormone replacement therapy you can decide if you also want sexual reassignment surgery to also change your genitals, or the male appearance gained by hormone replacement therapy is enough for you. Oh, and if you decide to take the latter route you may also need surgery to remove your breasts if they are too big.

[wildwiguy]

Do you feel like you want a penis?

[Anonymous]

I'm very passive and a male, but was given an extremely large ****. A lot of my friends are women, but I haven't had sex because I am waiting until I am married.