Sexual Health
+1 y

Does playing hard to get really EVER work? Opinion on this discussion please..

OK so your friends with benefits with a guy for quite some time... say a year.. and your sick of jumping when he says jump, or you just don't feel like your special to him? Well I posted a question and people keep telling me to just play hard to get.. that's what brought up this thought... Does playing hard to get really actually work? like if he asks me to hang out, and I turn him down, and it is kinda weird actually, I turn him down and he acts like he "all the sudden" cares for me, telling me to be careful and drive safe and what not... why? When I jump when he wants me to it seems like we have sex, hang out, then he goes back to his normal life.. I am not much for playing games, but I wish I was something more to him.. I was told to play "hard to get" because I feel like I'm gonna get hurt being his FWB? I don't know anyways advice... Does playing hard to get EVER really work?
Guys like challenges?
Vote A
If your not talking to him much, he will wonder why, and try seeing you more and more
Vote B
Playing hard to get is a good trick with guys heads?
Vote C
Playing hard to get, don't work, (What I'm wondering because I kinda love this guy!!)
Vote D
OTHER!!!! (answer in comments) :-) Thanks :-)
Vote E
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
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Most Helpful Guys

  • In my opinion, playing hard to get only works with a very particular type of guy.

    If the guy in question is that particular type, then yes, it will work.

    I think the biggest delusions come from women (well meaning, well intentioned women) trying to apply such rules as a hard and fast solution to all situations. And that's a shame, because many women play hard to get.. and don't get got. (If you'll pardon the crappy English.)

    A lot of guys are very wary about going where they're not wanted. They have been brought up to believe that only creeps and assholes pester a girl after she's said No.

    Now, there's nothing wrong with those guys. But you can see why they would never chase a girl who was playing hard to get.

    There's another type of guy, who hates game players. I mean really really f***ing hates them. These guys are generally in their 20's and have a few years dating under their belts. They've met game players before, who wrecked their head and broke their hearts. They would as soon murder a game player than date another one. If they suspect even for a second that you're playing hard to get, you can forget any chance of being with them.

    The sort of guy who'll chase a girl who's playing hard to get, is selfish enough to put his own needs first, likes the chase, and is very much the alpha-male type. He also has been brought up to believe that women frequently don't know what's best for themselves, that they are a mass of conflicting impulses, and most importantly that a no today can be a yes tomorrow.

    The problem is... those selfish guys who don't take no for an answer? Have an uncomfortable cross-over with the sort of assholes who will rape someone. It's a very small intersection certainly, but it's there. And you need to be aware of it.

    Anyway, I'm going on and on... in this particular case, you have a FWB that you want to turn into something more. I don't think playing hard to get is the right thing to do exactly. But it's close. I think you need to establish your independence more. Do not be at his beck and call. Right now, the relationship you too have seems very one-sided, from what you're saying. And it's kind of hard to respect anyone who's kissing your ass and is available at your whim. So stand up for yourself more. Give yourself more respect, and get that respect from him. When you're on a more equal footing, I think you'll be more appealing to him than just a casual booty call.

    I hope there's something helpful in that long winded answer.

    • Yea that pretty much solved me! ha ha Best answer! :) He kinda hates game players, been married before with what I would call a perfect life until his wife cheated... so I am not much into games either but hell maybe I will just continue to be his friends with benefits and look for someone new? since that's prob what he is doing, cause I think we make awesome friends anyways :)

    • I'm glad I read this as soon as I did. My guy friends were just advising me to play hard to get to get my crush to make a decision of staying at the friends/seeing level or dating level. I guess I won't bs anymore since your logic is more sound then theirs. Thanks.

    • excellent advice!

  • The only reason playing hard to get might work in this situation is because he's horny. If you play too long, he'll have sex with someone else. If you don't play, then you're his FWB, as it is right now.

    You're his FWB. He likes you for the sex. It's stupid to expect to be able to just remove the sex and have him suddenly grow feelings for you. If you want more, then talk to him about it. If he says yes, then you're good to go. If he says no (which he probably will), then either keep things as they are or stop having sex. You're not a jedi- you can't just mind control him to do as you want.

    • I'm a jedi

    • HAHA I LOVE STAR WARS! HAHA IM A NERD! BUT YA, I THINK I AGREE WITH U... HA I GUESS JUST BE BLUNT, AFTER ALL IM NOT A VERY BLUNT PERSON, SO MAYBE HE DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT... HMM You GOT ME THINKING :)

Most Helpful Girls

  • Attraction is built when there is investment. This a huge part of what is used tactically in seduction techniques for men to get women. While this can be contorted into manipulation, it is based off of something very intrinsic in human psychology. In seduction techniques it's generally one sided investment and one person holds more of the control. Conversely, there should be slow mutual investment if there is going to be longstanding mutual attraction. It’s a known fact that we attach a higher value to what costs us more. “Playing hard to get" is a game. When he’s caught you, he will drop you like a cat when a string stops moving. Instead, it’s about being high value and having boundaries that require investment. If a guy is willing to invest in what you are looking for and want, great. You can invest as well. If not, he is not offering what you want anyway. There will always be girls willing to give what a guy wants, if all he wants is something easy... or simply does not value women. That's fine, but there are also quality guys who will be willing to step it up if enough investment + respect is cultivated toward a girl for having standards, boundaries, internal confidence and a fulfilling life. It's not worth settling for being treated as low value to keep a guy. If you are not happy, don't settle for what you don't want. It's the girls that don't, and know how to build attraction that get respect from guys, and sometimes also their investment. Girls can and do find lasting relationships this way... really, it seems perhaps the only healthy way.

  • Personally, I don't like to play hard to get too much. Sure it works SOMETIMES, but in other situations you could just end up driving the guy away, and then being disappointed - what if you really liked him?

    I find it better to just be honest with people, and go for what you want, especially if they're interested too. :)

  • There's no playing hard to get..he got you. I guess the test would be to create a little distance and see if he comes to you. Unfortunately, you can't make someone like you. It is a gamble as far as getting hurt. There's no committment. So, he can take off on you. Distance.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 11

  • not if you care about self respect & dignity. yours & theirs. otherwise go for it.

  • don't ever be FWB with a guy that you actually like. recipe for disaster. if you like him and he's not stepping up to the plate, move on.

  • What do you mean, does it EVER work? It's ofte th eonly thi that DOES work inao and imexperience.

  • your problem is you already let him taste the fruit before he had to climb the tree to get it. if you had to walk 20 miles to get an orange would you? not very often considering you know what an orange taste like. Now if you never had one and everyone talked about how amazing they were you might take that walk. Playing hard to get in this case might not work. It could but it might back fire. I would say turn it around on him. Only call him when you want it. Don't jump when he ask. Then after a while let him know that someone else is getting your fruit and he can't have it anymore. Make sure you add that this other guy gets it because he wanted a relationship with you. He should get the hint. and if he wants to chase he will.

  • Heads-up... we HATE it when you girls play hard to get. It's a major turn-off. Only douches get off on "playing the game".

  • I think its immature. I don't see a point to it. It's just playing a game. You like a person but you're sending negative and mixed signals just to get them to chase after you. Then chicks complain about guys not getting us.

    If you like a guy let him know. If he's intimidated by an assertive woman he's a loser anyways. If he likes games he's not all there either.

    • This is what guys have been saying for a long time now. It's nice hearing it from a girl.

    • A lot of guys can't handle it though.

  • Playing hard to get pisses us guys off. And if you've already been giving him sex, why should he care to play games like that with you anyways? He'll just move on to someone else. There are guys who it might work on, but meh, they're pretty stupid. He might have generally always cared before and you never paid attention, but I don't know so I can't say for sure. And if you're just friends with benefits and he doesn't want more, nothing you can do to make him feel things for you. He might think so for awhile, but eventually he'll just move on or cheat or something. Honestly, never shoulda gone to friends with benefit and shouldn't play games. You'll miss out on the good guys.

  • A little bit of playing hard to get is good, you don't want to be his booty call just showing up whenever he wants, but too much is just annoying and will eventually push him away

  • it works on idiots, not on me tho. I won't waist me time with you if you try it.

    but since you're in a different situation, and you don't like mind games and he's not treating you like you want him to, I'd say cut him off from sex and tell him you want a relationship, not a FWB.

  • Does playing hard to get EVER really work?

    not with me in any case.

  • it depends who it is your playing hard to get with, because some people will go mental and chase after you but some people will think no they're not worth it, I'm just going to give up, and then your stuffed, I guess you have to know what they're like to tell if it will work

  • If your giving him sex then why play hard to get? If a girl was giving me sex it I be friends with benefits as we are just friends feeding off each other. As for your question about playing hard to get, from a previous experience I would say it only works on certain guys. A shy guy will see a girl playing those games and go after her but soon realize she is basically playing games. I actually had girl play hard to get, cancel a date then tell me to call next week. I did call her a few times even tried to reschedule but she was busy. Basically called her out on the playing her mind games and told her if you was interested in going out. Told me yes without hesitating but was busy again. Avoided her for the rest of my life and it turned out working well for her as she is married with two kids after meeting her true love a few years ago.

  • fun until it turns into resentment.

  • it depends...in my country, guys love girls who play hard to get cause they believe that they are the right ones and at the same time they find it a waste of time

  • actually I find mind games a turn off, I ditched girls that done that with me, just really annoying but of course depend on the situation and all and severity of it. if you want more just talk to him about it, either he wants more or not. how he gonna know what the heck you want if you don't tell him?

  • E. It won't get the result you want, which is control. He will defer to you until he scores and then dump you. The way to a relationship is honesty and trust. Not head games.

    • DUDE I AM SO HONEST TO HIM! I NEVER HAVE LIED TO HIM... AND I DON'T THINK THAT IS THE WAY TO HIM, BUT AS I SAID, IM NOT INTO HEAD GAMES EITHER, I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT.. HE WILL DEFER TO ME UNTIL HE SCORES AND THEN DUMP ME? I AM LOST THERE... WE ARE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WHICH MEANS WE HAVE BEEN F***ING FOR ABOUT A WHOLE YEAR... AND THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS A LOT MORE COMPLICATED, HE WAS DATING A GIRL FROM DEC. TO JAN. SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT ME (WE WEREN'T F***ING AT THAT TIME)

    • BUT WHEN SHE FOUND OUT HIM AN I ARE BEST OF FRIENDS AND THAT I MOST LIKELY KNOW MORE THAN ANYONE DOES ABOUT HIM, SHE STARTED TEXTING ME, I WAS A BITCH TO HER, AND SHE KEPT USING MY AGE AGAINST ME TO HIM, SAYING WHY DOES HE LIKE THAT 19 YR OLD SLUT.. BLAH BLAH, HATER TALK, AND HE ACTUALLY DUMPED HER OVER THAT SAYING THAT SHE DOESNT KNOW ME, AND SINCE THEN WE ARE FWB AGAIN!

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