The sex is good, but he's kind of an a**hole!

Question

So here's the story, I know its long but bear with me.I was sleeping with this guy back in December. Didn't really date properly. Mostly just getting drinks or whatever then having amazing sex. He's an alpha-male, and I am an alpha-female. We are both used to getting what we want. Except I always gave in to his late night "come over tonight" texts. I drove to his house, sometimes with a four pack of beer, we'd hang out and bone. So silly, but I was unemployed and horny! It was great until I started to actually like this guy and became bothered that we weren't dating and he was so deliberate about seeing me when HE wanted instead of when I wanted.I stopped giving into his night time texts, and I even reached out to make real plans with him one week. Well he fell through on me, apologized to me profusely, and guess what? I ignored him! Forever! Never heard from him...until last week. Three months later and he's back saying hello, how are you, long time no see. Let me just preface this by saying I am in a different mind set and life-style now. I am not invested in anyone except myself. I am full time at a new job, trying to move across the world, and I am happy.I text him back with a questionable feeling but the point is, he knows he has got me back again, so, he doesn't bother texting back cause hey, what's the point? I'm here. A few days later I am out at a bar. It's late, 11:30ish, and I get a "im out tonight are you" text. I tell him where I am, that's it! I don't invite him. He tells me where he is, and tells me to come there. I say no I'm having fun here. No word. Monday I am out at a bar next to his house. I'm a bit drunk and feeling risky, so I send him a text around 11 telling him where I am. He says "I'm in for the night love. lets get together this week though:)" I say "yes we will!"I realize I am playing his games as well, but if you can't beat them, join them, right? I have no feelings towards him. I just find him incredibly good looking and I would like to sleep with him again. Real bad. How should I go about this?

skittledittle · Accepted Answer

yeah...sounds like he knows you're on him, so he's kinda not impressed anymore. the fact that you texted him when you were right around the corner and he still told you no, I will not sleep with you (which is basically the message if you're texting late and he doesn't even say 'just come over') says that the thrill is gone. I had a guy explain this to me (in depth). I won't put it all here, but I'll give my synopsis.

guys like two different girls: the one they'd date and the one they'd sleep with. for both girls, the chase is what's greatest. the challenge. begging her and getting her. for the girl they'd date, getting her is another step toward something greater (relationship, love, partner, friendship, etc). for the girl they want to sleep with, the reward is what's between her legs and it ends there.

the sex is amazing, eh? sure, but most guys think most any sex is amazing, especially with a girl they don't want to date. amazing sex is nice, but meaningless. for the girl the guy wants to date, amazing sex is a huge plus and it will gain the said girl more brownie points or value. the sex may even be amazing simply because it's with that girl.

in your case, you're the girl he wants to sleep with (which is fair because you didn't establish any rules, boundaries, or expectations). so you're just the girl who he wants to sleep with whenever he feels like it, not because he has feelings, but because you gave the best head, rode well, made the loudest noises, had the longest legs, etc, etc. my friend mentioned this complex break down of categorizing sexual encounters and remembering certain girls and their *ahem* skills.

he also told me that when a guy feels a girl is showing too much interests when he just wants to bang, he is turned off. not to say he doesn't want to sleep with you (or won't sleep with you again), but to say that he doesn't want it going anywhere else. this guy isn't an asshole, darlin', he's honest. some casual sex things forge relationships, some forge one sided feelings.

regardless of what he wants, you know you want something involving feelings and he's not reciporcating, so don't waste your time and move on. there are plenty gorgeous, amazing sex having men out there who may even, dare I say it, want to share feelings with you :)

GG_UK · Accepted Answer

I think basically he is using you when he runs out of someone to have sex with and I hope you don't think I am cruel saying this ...I have a 'friend' aka *f****buddy@ and I keep believing the old spiel and I'm 43 ..These guys will always just be there for great sex ...But commitment unless he taking you out and texting you and really there for you when you AREN'T loaded with drink ! Then you will know ..Keep you panties on ! Men who want you and respect you will work hard to be with you ..

as for me I like the life I have at 43 I have been married had kids blah stuff so I am happy being the mistress ..And hell I don't have to do his laundry BUT I know where I stand with this guy!

if you just want to be a friend with benefits come right out and say it with this guy but never if you have feelings for him continue

good luck x

sexkyten · Accepted Answer

It's more than obvious you want more than just a friend with benefits with this guy but you're not admitting it. He's not ever going to be something else till he decides that's what he wants out of life.

If you get emotionally involved with this guy you're gonna get hurt. And if all you wanted was sex, well, you could have had that already and you know it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Wow. If all you want to do is sleep with him again, it's pretty amazing you're having this much trouble. Here's what you do:

The next time he ask you to come over--where you're PRETTY sure sex (and amazing sex at that) will occur. . .

GO!

Tough, huh? ;)