Sexual Health
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What should I do about my boyfriend lying about this girl he had sex with? then he hugged her in my face

theres this girl I had constantly asked my fiance about and he alway told me she was nobody just a friend from church.. so I left it at that although, I always felt like it was something more to it. anyway, meh and my man went to some friends house that he went to high school with an we was all sittn aroung talking and it slipped up out of one of his friends mouth about this girl he was dating in high school for a year and how they use to have sex every morning before school...come to find out that was the same girl I had repeately asked him about throughout our relationship...and to make it even worse he hugged her one day we was in church knowing all along in his head and heart that that was sombody that he had feelings and intimacy with...if he hd just been honest from the jump I wouldn't had been so mad. but he lied about her,how many people he had sex with, and theworse thing of all he hugged a girl that he was having sex with right in front of me like it didn't matter
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Most Helpful Girls

  • OK sooo... you're mad because he hugged a girl... Yeah, that's rational...

    I guess you don't really want to be with this guy, do you? You want to find an excuse to break it off and this is your crutch? Do yourself and him a favour and just break it off already. Prevent the misery!

    Now, if you DO want to keep this guy then I suggest you drop this subject. This is stupid. I realize you're young and hormones and everythign's a big deal to you but trust me, DROP IT.

    He hugged a girl. She's nobody from church. He's telling you the truth on that, right?

    That he effed her in high school, who gives a f*ck, seriously?! That was ages ago! What's important is, who's he f*cking now? Not her, right?

    Get over yourself. Focus on the now, not then.

    On the other hand if he's chatty with her and rubs up against her or does something other than being polite, that's cause to worry. And IF that's your instinct then I go back to what I said in the first place. Get a new guy.

  • That is absolutely terrible. You probably even exchanged some sort of conversation with this woman not knowing that she'd slept with your fiance...ugh. He was indoubtably wrong for doing this because you've asked him about it and he denied it; possibly just to avoid confrontation or awkwardness when you and the other woman see each other but it would also be that he had some strong feelings for her that he's not confortable discussing with you. Either way its a pretty big deal in my eyes because bottom line, him lying about such a thing created a breach in trust between the two of you.

  • he shouldn't have lied about it, that's wrong & you have a right to be mad about THAT. don't let this girl from his past get in the way of your happiness with him. he's with YOU now & it seems like he doesn't want anything from his past to mess you guy's relationship up. just ask him why he thought he needed to lie to you, and be sure to listen to what his reason is. remember - THERE'S A REASON HE'S NOT WITH HER AND HE IS NOW WITH YOU! :)

    • thanx...your right

Most Helpful Guys

  • I would be upset about the lie. Once a liar, always a liar. Dump him and move on to someone you can trust. He violated your trust and he also showed that by not being honest, he doesn't respect you.

    He hugged the girl because in his mind it was no big deal. He lied to you, he didn't have sex, so why can't he hug her in front of you?

    See the convoluted mess lying creates.

    If he gets away with it now, he will do it again. And again. And again...

    When you dump is lying ass, make sure you tell him straight up why you are dumping him.

    Then if he begs, just walk away, you don't need people like that in your life.

    Good Luck

  • That is a bad risk for a guy to take. On the other hand, he should have acted more like he wanted to avoid the girl unless something is still or in the future to be going on. Fine line. Do you suspect him of being with her recently? If not, it may be because he really did not want to mess things up with you. He is in church, he must have some sort of conscious. Then again, he may be guilty or even ashamed for having sex before marriage. Take time to look at a possible good reason for it. Good luck.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • so what's your question exactly?

  • your fiancee had sex every morning before school in HS...damn wtf

    anyways...he lied about something small, doesn't that make you wonder what else he has slipped past you?

    you may want to sit down and have a talk with him...really evaluate what the frig is going on...let him know how he feels, possibly put him in a similar situation so he understands what the hell he has done to you and your head...

    ps - sorry for the late response - hopefully everythign is worked out or you haven't gotten married w/o closure on that kind of thing

    seems sketchy to me

  • Well, you couldn't expect him to ignore such a girl and treat her like a stranger, either. Heproably thought he was sapring your feelings by lying. This is still alli nt he past, right?

    Unfortunately it''s a really common thing for high school girls to trade sex for dates with older guys. Not like he's the only one!

  • I think you should probably nip this thing in the bud, to prevent heartache when it will reaaallly hurt in the future when you have kids that it will affect, too. Odds are, you can do way better than slime.

  • have a chat among the 3 of you

  • lol I would sort of dump his ass and publically humiliate him.

  • i wouldn't care too much about the hug I like always hug good friends both male and female but he shouldn't have lied about it (you don't lie to the one you love) ask him why he did what he did maybe he just didn't want to upset you or lose his ex as friend still wouldn't completly make up for lying but at least it was with good intentions then

  • just ask him the truth, if he loves you then he'll tell you what really happened.

  • .. This is really up to you. Personally, I am great friends with some of my exes, and it doesn't bother me, nor my boyfriend that I am, nor does it bother me that his ex will be visiting him next week (she is actually quite a lovely person).

    However, if this is something you have a problem with, you should maybe share your concerns with your boyfriend. Honesty about feelings etc is the very foundation of any relationship, so I think you should just be honest about your feelings about this.

    I'm sure it'll be alright! Please update so we'll know how it goes!

  • i don't think you should be too upset with him for having sex way back in high school. and she will inevitably be around. but I guess the lying thing is annoying

    • I don't think its that she's mad that he had sex with this girl way back in highschool.. she's mad at the fact that she asked who she was to him and he lied to her face about her over and over again... she had to find out through a word of mouth when him telling her would have been so much easier and she probably wouldn't have been pissed off in the first place. I know... my boyfriend does it to me all the time. "how many people did you sleep with." -3 or 4 ... then I find out its more then 10.

    • MAYBE he was embarrased at the number. Maybe she was a wh0re and he's embarrased that he banged her. WHO KNOWS why he didn't say he did her in high school. Do you (or anyone) really want to be judged for sh they did back in high school?

  • the past is the past but a liar is a liar

  • He hugged her...wow that is so bad! (sarcasm)

    just deal with it! they are friends...and unless he is cheating on you, he isn't doing anything wrong...

    I bet you have ex-boyfriends too...

    Don't be so dramatic...

  • Confront the girl and ask her about your fiance and her relationship.

  • i AGREE WITH MAJORITY OF THE WOMEN. MY MAN DID THE SAME THING. ALTHOUGH I NEVER THE MET THE GIRL HE LIED TO ME ABOUT, BUT WHEN I REALIZED THAT HE'S LOVING ME(EVERY NIGHT) AND NOT HER, THAT MADE ME FORGET ABOUT THE GIRL AND THE LIE. I TOLD THE SAME LITTLE WHITE LIE MYSELF! SO WE'RE EVEN!

    • your right I thought about it like that myself...im over it now...lol

  • See in todays world a lot of sh*t happens I hope everything smoothens out with you guys but yeah the conversation with the 3 sitting togther I think will work unless you kick her ass hehe

  • I know you're mad and he probably didn't tell you because he was embarrassed or made a promise to her not to tell because those situations can become sticky! My ex while we were going out drank too much and had sex with this girl and didn't make me aware of it until three months had passed. He might have planned to tell you but way later like after the honeymoon! The truth is we're all human and we all make mistakes. So if you love him forgive him, besides he's YOUR man now!

  • Honestly tell him how you feel about the whole situation and also ask him to tell you the truth and if it seems like he is lying step back and recuperate and do the same to him to see hoe he will feel but at the end of the day tell him how much it bother you and that you can not marry a liar you probably will see some changes.

  • If he's lying now, wait till you get married.

    • tell me about it.

  • I'm going to disagree with most of the responses here. He did the right thing by not teling you. When you say "if he had just been honest from the jump I wouldn't have been so mad," I'm 99% sure that's not at all true. He knew this too. And he probably also knew you'd both end up seeing this girl again so it'd be more of a pain if you freaked out every time that happened. Plus, social convention requires him to greet or even hug her on occasion and your reaction has justified his fear.

    So just drop it. Unless he started dry humping her or grabbing her ass when he was hugging her, she's not a big deal to him anymore. There's a reason he's boning you and not her.

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