Sexual Health
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How should I tell my boyfriend that I cheated on him? should i? (long explanation!)

at this point I think its pointless to tell him. we're young but we've been together for almost 6 years since high school. we are so far ahead of most of our friends in terms of our relationship. we have travelled together, we live together in an apartment, we have been there for each other through thick and thin, we've emotionally supported each other and forgiven each others mistakes. then I had to cheat. I don't know why I did it, and I'm not really sure I regret it. I regret the impact it will have on my relationship but I don't actually regret doing it. I didn't have sex or anything though. I came close to that, but I found ways to get around that... theres this guy at my university (bf and I go to separate schools even though we live in the same city) who I have been extremely attracted to. he's intelligent, great guy, and he's gorgeous. very sexy. so we started sexting basically. I started it without knowing, an innocent flirty joke about how he couldn't handle me in bed lead him to dig deeper and turn it into something dirty. I didn't stop him though and sexting became more frequent, we did it for a month. then we started having phone sex, sending dirty pictures to each other. I got naked on webcam for him a few times, touching myself and making myself orgasm. he made me feel the way I wanted to feel - he was into the nasty kind of dirty talking that my boyfriend hates. he always knew exactly what to say to make me wet and sometimes id read his emails or texts in class and get wet right there, which made me want him even more and I couldn't wait to get home to call him or get on webcam. he wanted to start doing things together in person but he knew I had a boyfriend though so he wasn't going to force it on me. he had a girlfriend as well, but he really didn't seem to care much about her feelings.i wanted it just as much. I came to the idea of dry humping. for some reason that seemed not as bad to me. if I ever had to tell my boyfriend I could just say "i didn't f*** him, we just made out," which is more or less true. i think that's how I would explain it to my boyfriend. just say we did a lot of making out and feeling up. the reality of it would be too much I think. even though we never actually f***ed, we were usually completely naked or sometimes I had a thong on. I was grinding hard on him, in different positions, but usually with me on top. our hands were everywhere, he fingered me a lot, I gave him hand jobs, we kissed, he played with my boobs, and he used some toys on me. no actual sex or oral sex. that was hard to avoid but I didn't want to cross that line. im not going to tell him all of this even if I do admit to cheating. how do you think I should tell him? or do you think I shouldnt? I'm leaning toward not telling him because we have been together so long that to let something that lasted several months get in the way seems like the wrong thing to allow to happen.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • i know how you feel. I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years 5 times and I don't really regret it, it was fun but I really have a hard time accepting that it changed my relationship. I couldn't tell my boyfriend, so I didn't. I don't think I would tell him until years down the line when it won't matter as much.

    i think it takes a lot of courage to admit that you cheated, or to break up with him. I don't know if it would be for his own good, but he probably deserves to know. I'm not ready for that though. I won't lose my boyfriend over some random hookups. and I did have sex with all five of them. :(

    my boyfriend is religious though, he's waiting for marriage and I know he would be so hurt if he knew. he knows I'm not a virgin, he's fine with that, but cheating really isn't okay. I've admitted that to myself but I have this life I see ffor us and I'm not willing to just let it all go. so I feel your pain. its hard to do whatever we know to be the right thing. I would say its worth it, but that may be a lie. "what they don't know won't hurt them" is how I see it.

    • obviously you and the op are willing to let there relationships go being as selfish as you girls continue to be lol

    • Sorry but you DESERVE to lose your boyfriend over "some random hookups."

  • You should tell him, your basically saying that what you did was alright because you had no sex but what you did seems even wronger because you enjoyed it. Tell him now and get it out of the way and then you can move on to the guy you really want

  • I wouldn't tell him. But if you are gonna keep doing it, you need to break up with him.

Most Helpful Guys

  • The fact that you think because you two didn't f*ck makes it not a big deal and that you don't regret it says everything to me. You didn't cheat, you had a long-lasting affair which you apparently initiated. That's WORSE than if you'd had sex with him one time! And don't try to tell me you respect him, because if you actually did you would feel like CRAP with the guilt constantly eating away at you! Your nonchalant attitude about the entire thing is, simply put, horrible. You're right about one thing, though. You definitely shouldn't tell him (because from the sound of things he's done nothing like this to you) and so need to break up with him because you betrayed his trust in a way that probably shouldn't be forgiven.

  • Wow... ftw! haha... You cheated in a 6 year relationship, don't regret it, and actually enjoyed it. Tell him exactly what happened and let him find someone who wants him. ahhhhhh Just when I think I am ready to try relationships again something comes along and wises me up! Be fair to him. If you actually care about him tell him.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 11

  • If doing these things with another guy made you happy and you don't regret them, then obviously you shouldn't be in a relationship with the 6-year guy. That's not how loving long term relationships work. Usually when there's infidelity, the person who committed it would do ANYTHING to take it back.

  • Haha you sure went into depth describing what you've done with this new guy. You did every thing except the act itself cause you "didn't want to cross that line" lol. Slut logic ftw?

  • Why are you still with your bf? It's clear you don't respect him. Have the courage to let him go, for his benefit and yours. I agree, no point on telling him you cheated. But stop wasting both of your times.

    • i don't think that's fair. I do respect him, I was just probably wanting something that was missing from the relationship. I don't think it has to do with a lack of resect for him, I just had my own things to work out.

    • Start taking responsibility for yourself, please. He's the one that was cheated on for months, ask him what he thinks about the fairness of your actions and if he feels you respected him or not. I think you are taking it way too easy on yourself. But it's just my two cents.

  • The real question is if you'd do it again if you could / Will you stop doing it?

    Telling him isn't a 100% green light; honestly I'd just leave it dead because if I know anything about life itself things that happened in the past that won't happen again are dead, no point even to alleviate your guilt, unless you intend to re-offend or are currently offending.

  • Just tell him so he can dump you and find a woman who actually respects him enough to NEVER put him in that situation. Because you clearly aren't that woman.

  • i'd be honest and you prob should let him know about the whole talking for the last few months thing to. just saying from my perspective I find what you did is worse then like a one night stand type of thing.

  • i think you should have broke up with your boyfriend 5 1/2 years ago tell him you just don't want to be with him because he doenst make you happy and you cheated on him

  • Hey, dear my boyfriend I'm a slut

  • Just grow up and tell him. If your relationship is strong, you guys will work it out. But I don't give a f*** if you didn't put his d*** anywhere inside you. What you did was cheating, pure and simple, and even worse you did it multiple times without regret. If your boyfriend breaks up with you, which he has every right to do, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Sorry, but that's the truth. Sounds like you need a wake up call.

  • you sound like a good time. ;)

    btw make sure you're on the right account when you post a comment. I can see you slipped and made a boo boo below. lol

  • you should tell him, its not fair to him, at all not matter how long you have been together

    if you guys have been together that long, you shouldn't have done what you did

    just be straight up with him and tell him

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