My girlfriend was molested, HELP!

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend of one year told me last night that she was molested at age 7 (she is now 20). I'm the only person who she has told and she doesn't plan to do anything about it. She still runs into the man who did it but just blocks it out and imagined it never happened. I told her she has to do something but she says she is fine and doesn't want to do anything and go through all that. I feel though that something must be done and justice must prevail. This man deserves to rot behind bars. I don't know what to do, she told me if I didn't respect her opinion and I tell authorities we would be over. I have contemplated talking to her older brother (24) about this but haven't as of yet. What can I do? Any advice is much appreciated! Thank you!

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Well considering how it happened over 12 years ago Justice can't do anything about it. There are a statute of limitations on this kinda thing, and I'm pretty sure 12 years means it ran out by now. Honestly though there isn't much that can be done. At this point the most.

I'm sorry to say this but you're just going to have to respect her wishes to not do anything about it. Telling her older brother is just going to p*ss her off, and p*ss her brother off for entirely different reasons. If she ever feels comfortable enough to tell someone she will, but you forcing the issue isn't gonna do anything but make things worse.

I agree, this guy deserves punishment, but there is little to nothing you can do about this. So in the mean time, just accept your girlfriend for who she is, and try not to make her feel like there's something wrong with her because of this. Comfort her if she talks about it, be there to listen to her. Let her know you care about her, and that you support her no matter what she chooses to do or not do with this.

That is seriously all you can do. It sucks but that's just how it is.

[Asker]

WHAT?! Are you sure nothing can be legally done? She was 7 the law can't expect her do act at that age? We are under Austalian law. I have no problem accepting her for who she is, I love her just as I did before I knew but there MUST be something that can be done to this sick bastard..

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

No I'm not sure about that as far as Australian laws are concerned. For that you may need to look it up on your own. Still the chances are pretty high that if there is a statute of limitations, then they would have likely run out by now. But again I can't say for sure.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Either way, there is nothing that you can do on your own. At this point I'm relatively sure you'd need her to decide ON HER OWN to come forward and do something about it. But likely this will need to be done on ***HER*** decision. Yes I know you're outraged, and I can get why too. But what you're not getting is that she very clearly doesn't want to do anything about it. She doesn't want to make a spectacle or to relive all this crap that may have seriously traumatized her the first time around.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

This is her baggage, and hers to deal with. She clearly trusted you alot, to tell you this stuff in the first place. Now how about you respect her wishes on this matter, because you taking initiative when she's clearly telling you not to, is going to make it harder to open up to you or anyone else. Anything you do right now will NOT help her. Do you understand me?

[Asker]

Thanks mate and yes I do understand, sorry for my tone earlier to. I was so frustrated that the woman I love was hurt so badly and I couldn't do anything about it. I spoke to her yesterday and told her I would respect her decision. I still feel unsettled and upset but at least she is alright. I do hope one day she does decide to confront this even without prosecution at least a man of his religious stature will be shamed for the criminal he is. Thanks again!

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Hey, here's hoping for the best.

[martyfellow]

Hard as it may be for her, she has to do something about this if she wants to get over it, in my opinion Otherwise she'll never really heal inside. Yes, I'd start with her brother; he knows the people involved.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

DO NOT go behind her back with this, you'll completely lose her trust. It happened 13 years ago, so unfortunately nothing can be done legally. Discuss things with her, and if she wants to open up with other people about this, then that's her choice. He's a sick guy, but since there's no way to put him behind bars at this point, the best thing would be to leave the choice of telling others about it to her. Respect that please, take it from someone who's been in her position.

[Asker]

WHAT?! Are you sure nothing can be legally done? She was 7 the law can't expect her to act at that age? We are under Austalian law

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

No I'm not sure about that as far as Australian laws are concerned. For that you may need to look it up on your own. Still the chances are pretty high that if there is a statute of limitations, then they would have likely run out by now. But again I can't say for sure.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Either way, there is nothing that you can do on your own. At this point I'm relatively sure you'd need her to decide ON HER OWN to come forward and do something about it. But likely this will need to be done on ***HER*** decision.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Yes I know you're outraged, and I can get why too. But what you're not getting is that she very clearly doesn't want to do anything about it. She doesn't want to make a spectacle or to relive all this crap that may have seriously traumatized her the first time around.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

This is her baggage, and hers to deal with. She clearly trusted you alot, to tell you this stuff in the first place. Now how about you respect her wishes on this matter, because you taking initiative when she's clearly telling you not to, is going to make it harder to open up to you or anyone else. Anything you do right now will NOT help her. Do you understand me?

[Anonymous]

But tell her you're going to talk to him.

She trusts you immensely by telling you. If you harm that trust, you lose it.

I have the same with a good friend of mine, so I can tell you now: whatever you do, discuss it first with her.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

Okay, to her, this is way too personal and painful to talk about.

So yes, I think you should talk to her brother/parents.

This is, ofcourse, too huge for her not to be helped with.

If she told you this after A YEAR of being a couple, this is very hard for her to bring up.

An emotional scar like this one will continue to mess her up until she does get the help she deserves and needs.

So yes, tell her brother. Or parents, or whoever seems wisest.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you!