Can a promiscuous woman be trusted?

[Anonymous]

I found out the girl I am seeing (not having sex with) sleep with 8 different guys last years. 2 of them in a 3some. I'm 25+ and never had sex, waiting for the right girl. She made it very clear that she wanted to have sex, and seem very disappointed when I said I was waiting till marriage, but said she was OK with it. She tells me, that I treat her better then any one ever has, that for the first time in her life she feels loved. Now for the last few weeks, I'm finding it hard to see her in the same light. I have a very high sex drive, yet have been able to control myself.. and she wasn't able too... In every marriage, there are going to be times when the going get tough, I want to know others opinion, can she be trusted, or will she run to another mans arms when times get tough?

[Brando]

You have a high sex drive, her's seems to be higher...you wouldn't happen to be intimidated or envious of her sleeping with other men would you? Honestly "in today's world", I think we're coming over that hill where we are neither for nor against women sleeping around like men do. It's becoming more common, but it's still challenging to a lot of people to accept that a woman can sleep around if she wants. That might be an issue of yours to deal with, but I couldn't say for sure.

Also, if you're having trouble with this girl then I don't think she would be the best fit for you. Expecting monogamy from a promiscuous girl is basically asking her to go against how she usually lives. I'm not saying they are bad people and are not to be trusted, but if she likes sex with little commitment with people then you have to realize that you might not be the one in the process that changes her ways and viewpoint.

And again, if you have a problem imagining her sleeping with a bunch of other people or if it hurts your ego to think of it, then I'd say she might not be the best fit for you. I'm going as far as to say that it's almost normal for a guy to feel at the very least somewhat jealous of his lady's sexual past (generally, but there are obviously exceptions). Guys just don't like imagining their lady being intimate or having sex with another guy. It's like a violation of not only our "territory" but of our pride. It's an old feeling that has stuck with men from how society used to be. So that's why I say if you are having trouble accepting a girl from the "new age", then you might be better suited to finding someone else.

Just my $0.02

[cazza3]

Of course a girl that was promiscuous can be monogamous. Just because she had sex with other guys doesn't mean she can't commit to one guy

[Brando]

I agree. Though what I was meaning by what I said is that expecting it out of her when she doesn't want it is basically liking something that doesn't fit for you. That's what I meant by saying "how she usually lives"...if she likes having safe sex with people, then that's fine. But expecting her to change her lifestyle because the QA wants her to is not right.

[Asker]

No mines much higher. So if a few men sleep with dozens of women a year, everyone should. That is some twisted screw up logic. Yes it maybe her nature. No, I just find it disgusting, like wearing underwear that has been previously worn by 8 other guys.

[Monk38]

1. Some of us have a sex drive AND self-control, as would seem to be the case of the OP. MOST of us men prefer quality to quantity and don't sleep around. It is true that a woman can sleep around as much as she wants with whoever she wants. It is also true that this illustrates a lack of self-control and a tendency toward infidelity. 2. He specifically said 8 in the last year, intruding a threesome. Clearly this girl is too promiscuous to be wholesome or worth his time.

[hALLDAY]

I will never trust a promiscuous girl.

[heatherlu]

You said you've been able to control yourself, and that she wasn't able to.

That's not strictly true - she chose not to. It's not necessarily that she can't control herself, and can't go without sex, it's that she didn't want to. Now it appears - with her saying that she's okay with you waiting until marriage, it means that she's chosen to go without sex.

Has she ever cheated, or was this just when she was free, single, and enjoying herself? I'm a big believer in not judging people on their past; but if you're wary, finding it hard to trust her, and always second guessing her - then it's probably not the best basis for a relationship.

[elliesaur]

That depends.Did she ever cheat?If she did that without hurting any partner, I don't think she'd cheat on you just because she likes sex.If you're terrible in bed though, you might have problems in your marriage.

[Asker]

There's liking sex, and putting your health at risk by sleeping with 8 different guys in 1 year...

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

There's that stupid thought from so many women out there.. the only reason ANYONE is terrible in bed is not due to experience, it's due to lack of communication or knowing your body/what you like (which can be figured out from self exploration if you must). It's mostly the communication thing. Great sex, like anything great in a relationship, will be the result of good communication.

[elliesaur]

@ QA - true, but some people are fine with that.I for one am not, and it seems like you aren't either.If you can't deal with her past you shouldn't keep dating. @ TheGodEmperorLeto - I never said it would be his fault or that lack of experience=bad sex.Some people are a match for sex right off the bat, while others need a lot of work to get there.I'm just saying I don't know how patient she'd be, seeing she was used to what I assume were experimented guys.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Well, if she's like that then she's clearly not ready for a serious relationship anyways. If she's that shallow she's not worth it at all. If she can't understand sex isn't inherently good due to whatever (penis size, compatibility in interests, experience of other, whatever) than he's better off not being with her :\

[cazza3]

Regardless of how many guys she's slept with. You two have completely different values so I can't see it working.

[udolipixie]

No.

Promiscuous women/men can't be trusted.

[DariusW]

I'm amazed that in this day and age, this is even a question. Generally, women who are going to say a previously promiscuous woman is an ok bet to marry are trying to justify their own past behavior. Similarly guys who agree to this probably cannot do any better than a slutty female, so they try to justify their bad choices, not wanting to admit reality. If a woman thinks so little of herself that she is open (literally) to that many men, there's low self esteem at play here. No self respecting woman would be that indiscriminate about her body, period. It's plain nasty. Who'd wan tthat? The only answer they can give you is, "men do it and nobody says anything." It's idiotic logic. If you get together with someone like this, it's a lock you're in for some pretty big problems down the road. Better to deal with women who hold themselves in a lot higher esteem. Women who respect themselves tend to respect their partners better also. But, hey, if you think it's a good idea, do you.

[thenextgreatepic]

HO! come on dude really? never had sex and you wanna be with someone at the level of sleeping with two dudes at the same time and she is okay with it. Just totally different levels of people. I so wouldn't even step near a girl like this. And I'm sure I'll get beat up for my commit but whatever. Every dude on here will tell you a girl that does 8 dudes in a year is alot. I mean damn can't you keep your pants on? I'm assuming she is 25ish too, 8 a year and with a reasonable starting age of 18 when cherry was popped would be 56 dudes at a rate of 8 a year. And those are just f***s. Not to mention d*** sucks and whatever else. Have fun testing that left over...

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

8 dudes in 5 years is a lot. This woman doing 8 in a single year is... kinda pathetic.

[l-hedoniste]

She wasn't unable to control herself--she was unwilling. Our sex is ours to do as we please. She chose to share hers. You didn't. Both valid choices, and equal choices.

Can she be trusted? Perhaps. A promiscuous girl isn't necessarily more or less trustworthy than a virgin. Both can commit, both can be faithless; many have met a nasty surprise thinking because he's his woman's first, he'll be her last.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Honestly, I'd probably be wary of her, but unless she actually cheated on anyone, I don't see why not. Still, I'd rather not give it a shot. Who knows what STDs she has if she sleeps around that easily.

And ya, I can understand that :\ really high sex drive doesn't mean you get to f*** around easily. Where is the damn self control. It's so admirable when people have self control. Oh well...

[Peggelyn]

There's a difference between a promiscuous woman and and a woman who enjoys sex and engages in it in a safe an consensual way.

I personally don't see the issue, unless she's cheated on someone in the past. But for some reason a lot of people see a woman with a 'number' higher than about 5 as an instant 'slut'...

[Asker]

Guessing you have more then 5...

[Peggelyn]

Incorrect - I'm actually a virgin.

[Shaun]

If she's promiscuous, it's because she can't be satisfied with one lover. That's what promiscuous means.