I got raped and now I'm pregnant...what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm 21 and still in college. I got pregnant 5 months ago when I was raped by my ex boyfriend (who I was with for about 3 months a whole year before the rape). It was devastating for me and I nearly dropped out of college, I still am not completely over it (I have nightmares, panic attacks). He has been arrested and is awaiting trial - hopefully he will get sent to jail. I haven't aborted the baby and I'm still pregnant with his child. That has been a really tough decision for me and I'm not sure if I've made the right choice as if he gets out of jail I'm worried he'll try and get visitation rights. I think I'd break down if I ever had to see him again but the baby is innocent in this. To compound this my friends are treating me like a freak for keeping the baby and some are refusing to talk to me. I feel like I'm being made into a bad person when I'm just trying to do what I think is right. I don't know why people are treating me this way and I think it'll get worse once my son arrives. I'm confused and I don't know what to do. Some people, including some friends, have suggested a late term abortion. I've gone this far with the pregnancy and although I hate the father I don't think my son is to blame. However I'm worried when I look at him I'll see his dad and end up resenting him too. I don't want to get him adopted, I've lost friends already and I've been too upset to form another relationship after the rape so I can't have another person taken away from me. I don't now how I'm going to raise this baby though as I work part time and I'm still in college. My family aren't very supportive of my decision so far and want me to get an abortion, but I barely speak to them anyway. I don't know whether to keep the baby or not, get him adopted, raise him myself. Someone please give me sensible advise considering everything I've mentioned. And don't judge me for (ideally) wanting to keep the baby, I've had enough of that already.

[XxBabyDollxX]

Nobody can tell you what's right or wrong. Like you said the baby is innocent in all this and is just as much a victim in the situation as you are. I'm very very deeply sorry for this and nobody deserve this. Only you know what's right for you and the little guy. I'm completely pro choice but let me just say this as some words or wisdom:

Any man can make a baby but only a real man can be a father. If you keep the baby never ever conceder this man his father because he's a worthless human being. You can get a court order to take away all perental rights from the father and a restraining order for both you and the baby. You're a strong strong women for being able to concider keeping him. If you do keep your son then others will get past it and your family will fall in love with the little baby you do.

You would likely love your little baby far too much to ever be able to see that terrible man in him.

I pass no judgement against you, you've been through a great deal and it's okay to feel the way you do, it's okay for you too be scared but one day a time will come when you can forget him and maybe one day if you keep him you can tell him about this and tell him that despite who his "biological father" is he has been the best thing to happen to you.

No matter how cliche it is the saying "It's always darkest before the dawn" still holds true.

If you want to keep him then do it. Nobody can really tell you what to do, I'm sorry can't give you a better answer. Feel free to message me though if you need someone to talk to.

[Livvypuent]

Ok...this is what you need to do...ask yourself a couple questions...Do I want this baby? Do I love this baby? Do I believe abortion is wrong? Can I overcome what happened to me? Can I learn from it and be stronger? Does it really matter what others think? I have also been raped...when I was 12 by an old man...I didn't get pregnant...but if I had, I know what my choice would of been...due to age, immaturity, lack of understanding, and the fact that I get nervous around children...but if you are capable of loving this child and giving him a good life...and you want him in your life...you should keep him...don't let others influence a decision coming from your heart...you already deep down know what you are going to do and why. If people can't be supportive your choice then you can simply cancel them out...except your parents (they will come around...as soon as he's born, I promise) and as for the dad wanting to see his child...I would take this to the courts...and you will probably get more people on your side then his...since there is substantial evidence that he raped you. (there are no guarantees on this though) you just have to ride that one out...but just remember...you are not the only one who has had to go through this...and my heart goes out to you...and I hope you make the decision that best suits you...

[fascination_streak]

OMG, you have been to hell and back. I am so sorry for everything you have been through. I think you need to start by going to the counseling center at your college and find a therapist. The services are free to all students and will be kept confidential. I think you need someone trained to help you cope with the rape, to ease your nightmares and guide you with regard to your unborn child.

In terms of keeping the baby, here are some things to consider: You will be a single mother and having a baby is quite expensive. If you keep him, can you apply for financial aid to pay for school so you can finish? Does the college provide any type of day care while you attend class? Other than your immediate family, do you have any friends or family who would be willing to help you when he is born? Look after him if you cannot find day care? Does your part time job offer benefits so you can get insurance to pay for doctor visits, vaccinations, hospital stays? These are all variables to consider.

I really think an objective third party like a therapist will guide you best. I think you need to carefully weigh all of your options to determine what is in your and your baby's best interest.

All the best.

[MrOracle]

First, this is a huge decision for you, and you have to do what's best for YOU. There are going to be consequences no matter what you decide, but ultimately you're the one who is going to have to live with your decision.

Know from the beginning that this is not your fault, and that you've done nothing to deserve to be put in this position. But you are being incredibly mature and strong and are trying to do the right thing. You are turning adversity into strength, and that's fantastic.

Clearly you want to keep the baby. So, that's what you should do. Will it be difficult? Yes, but many women have been single and raised babies while going to school. If you want to do it, you'll find a way. It may take some adjustments, but it can be done.

I also think you'll find that once the baby is born, the people in your life will step up and help you. They don't want to see you hurt, and so they're trying to give you advice to help "make it go away", but it sounds to me, from the limited info we have, that you're dealing with all of this in a very mature way, and are able to get past the rape itself and understand that a child is much more than that.

I think you'll be fine. Yes, there still may be issues that you'll need to deal with, and raising a baby as a single mother won't be easy, but I think that you'll ultimately be proud of the decision you made. It isn't what you'd have wanted to happen, but you're making the very best of it.

[CuChullan]

You do what you think is in your best interest. You have to live with whatever decision you make. No one else will.
From what you wrote, it seems to me you are happy to bring the pregnancy to term. The opinions people are giving you may not be what you want to hear. But they are worth giving full consideration to.
Having the baby will bring a huge change to your life. You may not have the resources to give the child what it needs.
There's so much to be taken into account here. Give birth and you will be juggling work, college and a baby, all at once. Are you able to do it?
Have a late term abortion and you have to live with that decision. A decision that may effect your personal life, work and college.
Ultimately the decision is yours. Some women that have been in your position have managed to cope with the problems of being a single mother and went on to live happy successful lives. Some women found they couldn't cope at all and it had a hugely negative impact on their lives.
You have a very difficult decision to make. I don't envy you at all. But make sure you consider all the pros and cons in a emotion free logical manner.
Do what is best for you.
Good luck!!

[stercor]

It's good to hear that you're keeping the baby. You'll make a good mother because of your maturity.

Your baby is part you, too. You can love him for that. The knowledge that you have about his father would be destructive to him --- at least in the future.

Visitation rights? Just say no to the judge and explain the circumstances.

Looks like you're finding out who your real friends are...

Late-term abortions are messy.

Your family is not having a baby. You are. If they're not supportive, find someone/some group that is. There may be a group with people in your position. Social services can help, and help you find such a group.

Forcible rape is a class A felony --- the absolute worst. Prosecute him so he doesn't do the same thing to another woman.

My wife was raped. She minimized it. It looking through state laws to let her know that it was a class A felony. _Then_ she realized that it WAS something. She also had an abortion, and still thinks of the baby. That was 25 years ago.

My daughter was raped (no pregnancy, though). The offender got 75 months and deportation. The law doesn't mess around with this offense.

I'd love to chat with you.

Ted

[MlleCake]

I am very sorry you're going through this. I honestly do not know what I would have done in your situation. None of your options seem very easy and each will have it's own consequences.

Ultimately I think you have to do what is in keeping with your morals. Those Christian crisis pregnancy centers can actually do a lot to support a single mom who wants to keep her baby, or they may try to strong arm you into adoption. Planned Parenthood will also direct you to resources to help with any decision you choose.

Have you applied for WIC? It can help you with food expenses and there are great nutrition classes for pregnant moms and babies and toddlers.

I support your right to choose what is best for you. I support you in whatever decision you make.

[MaisyTheCasualty]

You said you don't want to get him adopted because you can't lose another relationship. . . aborting the baby would not only make you lose a relationship, but never be able to get it back either. Have you thought of open adoptions? There are a lot of parents willing to make some kind of arrangement like that.

And I'm incredibly sorry for your circumstance and you unsympathetic "friends". Keep your chin up, and let us know if you decide to have him/ what you'll name him! :)

[zdub220]

Why would you post something like this one here? Something like that needs to be kept and told to certain people not put on a place like this. You know what you should do if you in college then you can be smart to think about that. You def didn't deserve what happen to you and I'm sorry for what happen and he get's what he deserves but you shouldn't let others make this choice for you and your friends that are saying bad things are not friends anyways. Hope all works out for ya.

[dwiller943]

I'd just consider your personal life and personal situation, weigh out the pros and cons, and do what you feel works best.

[Anonymous]

if he was unusually violent yea , but I don't understand why in hell you would want to be someones girlfriend and not have sex with them? its like signing a contract you know you can't fullfill. you ar just being too dramatic, again that's not something I would do but its ironic you have a realtionship so hopefully you can do normal things such as sex, and then you don't want it and fuss about it.

[Anonymous]

First off let me say I'm sorry for what you have been threw

my opinion I would support you either way but it sounds like you deserve a pass on this one because you are affraid that he might come back now that he knows you have his kid and if you abort he would never want or need to come back. now don't get me wrong I'm all against abortions but in this case and every rap case I think that that girl gets to choose and I think that god would agree because it was somthign forced upon you you had no choice in this dessision he forced it upon you and for that reason I think you deserve a pass I think that you are to young to have a kid in your life seeing that you might be young and in collage you need to finnish then carry on in life but I could say that I have seen people comeout of your situation with the kid and come out much stronger but your friends are not your friends if they can't except you for you and your decisions f*** those guys you need support not fun at the moment your friends should be at your side right now those people are your friends not the people that disagee and walk away and even if hey dissagee and stay even more of a true friend