Question for guys who have been to strip clubs about lapdances?

[Anonymous]

If you're in a relationship and your significant other opposes lap dances, do you still get one? Do you usually lie about it afterwards? Do you see friends getting lapdances after promising their girlfriends or wives that they wouldn't, then just lying about it afterwards? Or, do most guys stay true to their word? I'd like to trust my guy, but I feel like the combination of lots of alcohol with naked women makes it impossible for even him to trust that he wouldn't get a lapdance in that situation, regardless of what I asked. I think his friends will pressure him. To me, sexual touching (e.g. lapdance, grinding) is absolutely cheating and I've told him so. And for the record, I'm not a prude, we have a great sex life, I give him lapdances on my own, I don't care if he watches p*rn, etc. But lapdances are just over a line to me, crosses from fantasy to real physical reality.

[Anonymous]

"If you're in a relationship and your significant other opposes lap dances..." This doesn't happen; I say, "I'm into lap dances." She says, "I oppose lap dances." I say, "You'll make some guy very happy one day. Good luck." Problem solved.

"Do you see friends getting lapdances after promising their girlfriends or wives that they wouldn't, then just lying about it afterwards?" My friends do as I do--date women secure enough to deal with their men going to strip clubs. Cuts through all the nonsense.

As for you, you complicate your life by dating a guy who goes to strip clubs, but if this is what you *must* do, you would be wisest not to ask dangerous questions.

[Asker]

I'm married to a guy who has five bachelor parties this year, he doesn't go to strip clubs otherwise... why is this a dangerous question?

[Asker]

Also, I don't think having issues with lapdances makes a girl insecure. I'm secure about plenty that others can be insecure about. It just means that I define boundaries of what is cheating a certain way. I've known guys to be insecure about different types of 'grey area' things that girls might do such as flirting with another guy. In that situation, I said " I won't do it again" and I meant it. So in a similar situation, replacing flirting with lap dancing, would guys fulfill that promise?

[Opinion Owner]

"I've known guys to be insecure about different types of 'grey area' things that girls might do" but "I don't think having issues with lapdances makes a girl insecure." This is inconsistent; either both are insecure, or neither are. And it's okay not to be okay with something. But if I'm not okay with, say, flirting, I'm not going to make it my partner's problem--I'm just going to pick partners who don't flirt. If I pick a flirt, knowing I'm not okay with it, then I get what's coming to me.

[thisGUYknows]

if they go then that means they're going for a purpose. they're not just gonna go to watch lol. so either they value their gf's request and don't go at all or they go anyway. if their friends are there and the guy in question is there but doesn't want a dance, you can bet your bottom dollar that the friends will pay for him.

[Asker]

so basically I'm put in a position where I consider something cheating that his friends will make him do. Great. It's going to seriously damage our relationship to me, for me personally, it's a line that shouldn't be crossed. I wouldn't grope another guys crotch or dry hump another guy, and my friends would never make me either.

[thisGUYknows]

ya well guys are guys. if I was at a strip club with my friends because "somehow" I got dragged along, about 85% of my friends would pay for me and "make" me have one, or else face the whipped jokes. there are only a couple of them who wouldn't peer pressure me into it.

[Asker]

and that pressure would be more important to you than your relationship if your girl had asked you not to?

[thisGUYknows]

their argument would be that no one was going to snitch on me. its the whole "if she doesn't know it won't hurt her" thing. if we saw someone else there who would snitch then they would lay off. then its up to the guy to decide. if he was 100% she wasn't going to find out would he do it?

[Asker]

How is this any different than if you could full on cheat and she wouldn't know about it, that makes it OK because nobody is there to tell on you? I guess I wouldn't date a guy in the first place if I thought his morals were that sh*tty. And you make it sound like all guys have sh*tty morals, so your comments basically make me think I should be a lesbian or asexual.

[thisGUYknows]

i'm just telling you what most guys are gonna think. that doesn't automatically make them a bad husband/boyfriend. I guarantee you that most guys you have met did or will do the same thing. now if he does it regularly then its gonna be a problem. but a one or two time thing isn't gonna be a problem if he hadn't met you yet

[Asker]

Again, your comment just makes me think men don't have morals and I'd prefer to be a lesbian. To me, one lap dance is cheating. It doesn't matter if you cheat more than once... once is enough. So basically, I'd just have to accept cheating in my relationship because no guy has balls enough to stand up to his friends? Seriously, men really are the weaker race, would prefer to be a lesbian.

[MulanBarbie]

I am under 18.

In my opinion you should just trust him. How long have you guys been together? Do you fight/argue often? Has he gone against your trust before?

[bluenose12]

my point is you shouldn't be giving him an ultimatum in the first place! It's harmless. Re-evaluate your opinion, it's fairly immature. Hell girls go to male strippers and can suck their cocks behind towels or put dollar bills over their cocks. Who cares? It's harmless fun

[Asker]

I, and no girl I know would go to a male stripper, and hells no on sucking cocks. I can't re-evaluate my opinion. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it... to me, cheating is physical. I know some people believe in emotional cheating, but I could care less if he fantasized about other women, I just don't want another women grinding on him. That is my job - another women dryhumping is no different than kissing, fondling, groping, or engaging in a hand job or blow job.

[Asker]

I mean hells no on sucking male stripper cocks (I'll suck my guy's anytime)

[bluenose12]

Nobody is going to be happy banging the same person for 60 years. you can be the best f*** in the world and once in awhile he is going to be with you and fantasizing about his ex! Everyone wants change. All I'm saying is become secure in your relationship and let him have his HARMLESS fantasies

[Asker]

Right, and like I said, I could care less if he watches p*rn, or fantasizes about other women. I do the same thing, I watch p*rn and fantasize about other men - I get bored to, it's not just men... why do you think so many men complain their women don't want sex? We get bored too of the same thing. But I draw the line at touching real live naked people, that's NOT fantasy if they're grinding your crotch.

[bluenose12]

of course it's fantasy! They are paying a woman who under normal circumstances would not come within twenty feet of them, to show them their bodies. If he pays for a blowjob (and doesn't get his head bounced off the sidewalk by a doorman) than maybe I can see why you would be worried.

[Asker]

But this is my point: I define cheating differently, so even if it's not harmless to him, it's permanent damage as far as I'm concerned.

[bluenose12]

Girls have this paranoia about strip clubs because on some level they think that they are going to lose their boyfriend to these strippers. Ladies LISTEN! You're boyfriend is NOT hot enough to get a stripper! No matter what you think. Chances are almost 100% that she thinks your boyfriend is a bloody loser that will pay a girl a hundred bucks to dance on him and show him her t*ts for three minutes. Let him have his lap dance and feel like a hero. Everyone who matters thinks he's a loser.

[Asker]

You really didn't answer my question at all... I don't think he's going to screw a stripper, just break his promise to me not to get a lapdance.

[Shaun]

You should go to the club with him and both get lapdances. I don't lie and I don't like to lie, so when I'm in a relationship, I refrain from doing things which will lead to me lying.

[Asker]

He's going for bachelor parties, so I can't go with him

[Realdealdude]

F*** ya he is getting lap dances but if he's drunk what would you expect, also lying may not be a bad thing because although its not honest maybe he wants to protect you? or he's a bitch