Was I a booty call? Should I need to explain why I rejected his midnight hangouts?

[Anonymous]

Is it a booty call? I went out with this guy a month ago to a bar, we danced for a bit and we had an unexpected kiss. somehow part of the reason I let him kiss me is because some dudes were chanting loudly (to him) to kiss the girl (me). but nothing else happened after that, and we went home separately at 4 am. so I thought the kiss was nothing really. However, I was surprised that he texted me the next day suggesting to take a few days off and go on a vacation together. I thought it was way too fast and besides, I can't take leaves from my work around that time of the year. Then, he asked to hangout and get drunk at his house +sleepover the coming weekend. I was OK with that until the next day when he suggested the time to meet to be midnight. Tho I admit that time was never an issue to me when it comes to hangout outside with friends, and he knows it, but I hinted him that I am not comfortable in a nice way that I don't like to start hanging at that time of the night since my parents have become suspicious of me lately. He didn't try to change his plans or anything, so I assumed that the plan was dropped. But when Saturday came, he asked me to come out and join him and his friends at 11:30pm. I turned him down as I already showered +dad +it's too of a rush to get ready for a night out. Later next week he texted me to have a movies night at his house starting at 11pm and hinted perhaps to have some "fun" on his bed or his shower and said he will put honey on his skin and wait for me. I told him that I was not ready and he said he will wait. After that we went out once but I didn't think it was a good date. he was suppose to have dinner with his uncle and we will meet up afterward. But while I was having my dinner, he texted me to come out and have dinner with his uncle. I was not prepared to see his family at our first date and so I asked him who is his uncle, and he went from "actually I am with a pair of young couples". As confused as I was, I asked again are they his friends and he texted me "yes and just come out". at the end, I came out anyways but I was in bad mood. After I went home, I was surprised he texted me. However, he suggested after I settled my car, come to his place to drink and he will pay the taxi fare. I told him no because I wanted to shower and sleep, and he suggested me to shower at his place and he could "help". I basically said no and I decided to ignored him because atm I felt its a booty call. But then, the next day, he asked me to go beach with him on the holiday but I rejected cos I really do have plans. Later on the eve of the holiday, he texted me again at 12am to come out and hangout with his friends. after I say no, he asked me to come to his house, and since he suggested sex on previously, I texted him I don't want to do anything else (sex) except hangout cos I'm tired. He then texted and say I should rest then. Then I saw on his fb wall that he is confused. Does he need an explanation from me?

[kennyk]

Yeah I really don't think he's serious about you, he just wants to get in your pants. He's confused because you're sending positive signals while at the same time rejecting him and he doesn't know what to make of you. Let him know you're looking for a committed relationship, if he runs for the hills you have your answer and you're better off for it. But it's pretty obvious he just wants to get in your pants.

[Asker]

hmm.. so according to you... since I said I did not want sex with him anymore and he hasn't contacted me since then... I should still let him know that I'm looking for a committed relationship but it doesn't have to be him...?

[Asker]

because we have mutual friends tho we two usually don't hangout w them at the same time and they don't know about us?

[kennyk]

reading your other responses, if you want to be subtle you can tell him you aren't interested in being a booty call. If you want to be really subtle you can bring it up semi-jokingly, something like "I don't do booty calls, but how about we " But if he's asking you over for nights, he thinks you're easy. It's also possible he has no idea how to have a relationship with a girl, and has no idea about the rate at which things progress. Like he asked you to go on vacation

[kennyk]

with him right after meeting? Either he expected a week long FWB-type orgy fest with you, or he's utterly clueless about how relationships work. Either way, if you're truly interested in him you should express that you aren't interested in being his booty call, but you'd like to get to know him better. If he's just horny he'll lose interest when he finds out you aren't just easy sex. If he's just clueless, he may start trying to revise his methods?

[l-hedoniste]

Wait, back up a second: what do you want from this guy, if anything?

[Asker]

I'm looking for a relationship: it could be serious, or not , but I know that I do not want anything like FWB, as I‘m not sure whether I could be as cool and casual all the way thru. My problem right now is that I am confused: they sound like booty calls, but what was the vacation/uncle/friends/beach? also he seems to like talking about his dreams, hobbies, etc when we are together... Atm, he hasn't contact me since the status on his fb wall. Did I hurt him w constant rejections? leave him be?

[l-hedoniste]

First, at a minimum, explain to him what you just explained to me. He ought to know what he's getting into with you. Also, FWB *is* a relationship, just of a particular type--"cool and casual" as you say. That doesn't, however, mean you're strangers, but friends.

[Asker]

oh my.. explaining.. sounds like alright to me, but when it comes to thinking how I should start the convo and guide it without it becoming awkward.. a 'hey' after all that.. won't it hurt his ego? annoys him? we do hv mutual frds shall I just be straight forward and text something like: sorry abt earlier .. are you cool w jus hanging out cos I will b attached if we do sleep, also the reason I said I'm not looking for playing around (including FWB) like I told you at the very very beginning..

[l-hedoniste]

Absolutely be straightforward. Better that he know what to expect and why then to leave him forever in doubt.

[Asker]

in our last convo before he posted he's confused.. I told him that I have no more urge for sex w him.. does that change anything?

[l-hedoniste]

Nope. As long as you're clear and honest, it should work out. He just needs to accept what you're telling him.

[Asker]

lol sorri.. but its actually starting to sound bizarre... if I do tell him ... then he will for sure have no more interest in me cos I am like all the other gals... too easy... and it would also mean that I fell for him but he was just booty calling me... I mean I dun wanna waste my time and reputation on him when you guys are all saying that he is obviously jus wanna get in my pants.. Would he even care if I explained?!

[Asker]

leaving him in doubt at least leaves him wondering did I ever like him after all? and when we do meet again in some social events, since we have mutual friends, mayb I could get him again if I might still like him.. and communicate my wants to him without making things awkward in text or thinking that I'm some kinda weirdo if he doesn't give a d**n...

[l-hedoniste]

But if he wants a booty call, and you don't, you each need to go find people who want what you want, and not waste time with one another.

[Loopiou]

You my friend...experienced your first booty call. Congrats!