Deep Breath... I've always wanted to be a girl.

[Wilsky]

All my life. I have hidden this. It's why I can never form a relationship. I know I can attract girls, but when I have them in my hand, I don't want them. I'm not gay. I'm just a girl. And you know something, this is from the heart. And if I have to tell group of strangers on the Internet to stop the screaming inside that longs to tell people, friends, family. I have children for godsake. How do I tell all these people. I feel quite dizzy know I am about to press the preview question button and tell a bunch of randomers. I've haunted this place a lot, and I know that there are no idiots here, which is rare on the Internet. And I feel quite a kinship with this place. And than you, for listening, and allowing me the time to get that off my chest. I've never told anyone, but for some strange reason I feel comfortable telling the world. I can't imagine what would happen if someone recognizes me. I guess, perhaps, deep down, that's what I am hoping for. Thanks, again. :)

[DonMichelle]

First thing mate... this place is brimming with idiots, jokers galore with myself being one of them.

If you'd posted anonymously... you'd have prob given the impression it's a joke, a lot of questions are posted anonymously like this and are completely written with the intention of taking the piss... I admire your bravery, it must be difficult.

1 thing you MUST realize is that it's a small world mate, A VERY SMALL world... the chances of someone you knwing being a menber on here are bigger than you'd like to think. What you have to think about now are your kids, how potentially damaging, confusing it could be for them IF it leaked out. You're thier dad. Also I don't know if you still have a partner but how damaging that could be. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but I hope you admire my straight talk as much as I've admired your honesty... you need to wait until your kids are old enough to understand, have a very good think about it aswell. People have rough patches in life, situations trigger feelings and thoughts that aren't really there... are you CERTAIN that what you're saying now has ALWAYS been? You can honestly say you've lived a lie, been who others' wanted you to be?

[Wilsky]

Yes, I thought about posting anon, but, that's what I've been doing all my life. There comes a time, where you say, enough is enough, and I'm going to tell someone. :)

[DonMichelle]

How old arte your kids? Surely you must have some attraction to women if you're having sex and children? You can't be certain of this?!?!

[Wilsky]

I've not been having sex for years. I had children, yes, she was the last girl I ever slept with.

[KarKingJack]

Me too =/ Just... Find a way to express it. Its maybe not worth it turning yourself into a girl, especially at your time of life, kids and all. For what is that, a title? Right? But... Find a way to get that side out. I mean, I wear girls clothing, makeup, hairspray, jewlery, everything. And my bedrooms like, purple and pink, hahaha. And, because I'm okay with my girlie side, the side I find is most predominant, I'm also okay with my masculine side.

I think everyone has a feminine and masculine side, you know. In psychology, its fairly well accepted, to my knowledge...? So, if you can find a way to eventually not supress either one, you'd do well. But that's deviating from the point...

Just... Find an outlet for it. Be it physical, emotional, sensational or even sexual. There are plenty ways to get that out there. If you have a few close friends you could talk to about it, do... This is a good step, though, telling GirlsAskGuys. And, well, you know...There's a lot of confused people out there, you dig? Your not alone.

Dunno what to think about 'no idiots', though, LOL.

[Wilsky]

I really want boobs. And hips, and those bits gone. :)

[KarKingJack]

I get the suspicion your taking the piss...

[Wilsky]

I can assure you, not one bit.

[KarKingJack]

Oh, alright. Just the... Slightly irrelevant answers, I dunno. I don't know what you could do about t*ts and hips though, that some next level wants. Oestrogen pills would sort that out, probably. But like, that a serrrious commitment

[Wilsky]

Don't mean to be a meanie, but wanting boobs and hibs and those bits gone is not irrelevant. It's everything! :)

[KarKingJack]

Lol, yeah, well, alriight. You have me there, hahaha

[38rakia38]

I don't know about there being no "idiots here", we actually have a plethora of them.

If deep down you're a female, well, then there's really no denying it. Hell, denying it just makes it worse.

You want my advice?

Wait for your children to reach an age where they can understand what "daddy" is going through, otherwise, well...like divorces do...it might mess them up.

You shouldn't have to hide your real life from people, but like I said, when your kids get into high school and have some understanding of how the world actually works--drop the bomb then.

[Wilsky]

That's very thoughtful.

[38rakia38]

Someone's gotta think about the children, you know? When you become a parent, you gotta sacrifice a lot of what makes you happy so they can grow up happy. Hell, and I'm not even a mother.

[Wilsky]

I've been thinking about other people all my life. I want boobs, and hips. God knows, I've got such a blokey face. I best start getting really good at makeup! But I take your point. Just good to be able to express this.

[38rakia38]

Make up can make even the blokeyest face into a feminine one.

[Wilsky]

:)

[38rakia38]

I get what everyone is saying by feeling only half male or half female. I'm more masculine than anything else, however I do have a feminine side. Truth is, I used to want to be a boy...when I was younger. Now, I'm quite content with remaining female. I just needed to embrace it really. That I could still be "one of the guys" while being a girl.

[Wilsky]

You raise an interesting point. Should I just embrace it? Should I just remain a man, and perhaps find a very understanding woman. Or even a woman who wants to be a man, where we could live out that lifestyle together, but without having the sex change. There is a thought. Hmm. That's got me thinking. It would be nice to tell a woman that I imagine being the woman, so I imagine a woman who wanted to be a man may feel the same. I'll look more into that.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a really tough situation. But you're not alone. Lots of people are born in the wrong bodies, unfortunately. I bet you can find a support group of some kind for others who are going through the same thing. That could help you deal with it.

As another user said, I recommend waiting until your children are old enough before explaining this to them or considering a gender change (if you are considering that). But there are options for you and you don't have to feel stuck. I wish you the best!

[Opinion Owner]

Also, I'm a bit confused. You're not gay- meaning you're not attracted to guys- yet you're not attracted to girls either?

[Wilsky]

I don't fancy gay men. Sorry, probably didn't word it properly.

[Anonymous]

what do you want to do? do you just want to tell your loved ones that you want to be a girl? or do you want to take steps in becoming one?

[Wilsky]

I've not decided on either of those yet. But that was my next decision. Awesome question by the way. Honest answer, I don't know yet. I'm going to see how I feel after telling people.

[Opinion Owner]

it won't be easy, but I honestly do believe that the people who love you the most will accept you in any shape or form. good luck

[Wilsky]

Thanks. It's been quite liberating discussing it on here. And I am surprised at the guys responses. I didn't expect that. It's quite good TBH, as I wouldn't have said anything if the response here were terrible. And if the response I do get are terrible, at least I know there are people who don't see it like that. So, it's been quite good. Glad I said it. I've always, always felt like this. If I could wake up tommorow and be a woman, I would be over the moon.

[NewYorkCity]

I always waned to fly, I wanted to be free. No job, no problems, no nothing, just a pure happiness. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way, not on this planet at least lol.

[Wilsky]

Ok...

[KarKingJack]

Pilot

[NewYorkCity]

I'w tried joining an Air Force, but they declined me, due to my cluster headaches. pity

[KarKingJack]

Awh =[ I'm sorry

[NewYorkCity]

Ahh That's all right lol. If you look from other side I'm not going to blow anyone sky high, therefore without me some people ( kids, woman, grandpps can still live and enjoy their lives. ) I Hate wars but the best toys are there unfortunately.

[goflipaburger]

:)There's nothing wrong with that. I really wish stuff like this didn't have to be so difficult for individuals, if only society would stop getting it's panties in a bunch over everything. I wish you could just be you and unafraid of being you, but at least you got to do that here!

[Wilsky]

I was wondering where you were going with that statement at first, but now I just have to say thank you. :)

[Dragonblood21]

I don't know if you would say "I want to be a girl" but I have a lot of feminine ways about me. I'm pretty freely open about this though, I'll come out and say I feel like I'm 1/2 girl or something. A lot of things include stuff like:

- My IM text is fancy purple writting. It looks very feminine and I love it.

- I'm very into romantic/sensual relationships.

- Every time I can choose between male/female in a game, I'm always female.

I also to no surprise, have friends that are mostly girls, instead of guys. I don't mind being a guy though, and I definitely have guy qualities mixed in with my girl-like ones. But, I understand where you are coming from.

[Wilsky]

Yes, there is a guy like that at work. You're not him are you? Eeek!

[Dragonblood21]

lol! I highly doubt it. It says you are from the UK. I'm in America. We don't even live in the same country XP.

[Wilsky]

I know. :)

[diamond3]

so you are a girl inside but you also like girls?

[Wilsky]

I was convinced I did. But I just don't enjoy the sex with them. As I've got older, I find I am turning more and more girls down. And thinking of silly reasons to. I just don't feel right after having sex with them. I enjoy the feeling of their bodies, but only because I was imaging what it must feel like to have a girls body myself. Where the curves are, where the soft bits are. I know I'm just using them. It's wrong, so I haven't bothered with sex for 2 years. Pretty much it.

[diamond3]

so you like guys.. but you see yourself as a women so therefore straight?

[Wilsky]

Yes.

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Did you not have a father figure while growing up? When did you first notice feeling this way?

[Wilsky]

about 8, or 9 I used to dress in mums clothes, and to this day I have no idea if I got caught or not. Around 11-12, I used to imagine what its like having sex (but, um as a girl would... if that makes any sense). And when I enter relationships, I always imagine myself to be my partner, and imagine what she feels. I also have a lot of female tendencies, that I have had to keep in check.

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

What kind of female tendencies?

[Wilsky]

You asking? :)

[KarKingJack]

(lol'd at 'You asking?')

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Yep, I'm asking?

[Wilsky]

Check you out! :P

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Oh I see. Well congrats on coming out with how you feel, there is nothing wrong or weird about it to me so more power to ya!

[Wilsky]

ta!

[Sammyness]

You're a brave person, and well done for finally getting it off your chest. I do recommend you get in contact with a Therapist or Gender Identity group though, if not just to be able to talk to people IRL about this kinda stuff. They won't judge you, just listen to what you've got to say. Rakia's right though - if you intend to do anything with these feelings, then it'd be best to wait till your kids are the right age.

I'm not transgendered myself, just a occasional cross-dresser, but I know a lot of people in your situation, so if ya ever need someone to talk too, feel free to hit me up, or whatever.

Good luck to you, Wilsky, with whatever you decide to do. =)

[Wilsky]

Cheers. Thank you, I will do.

[7gnat]

Great. That was probably good for you to say, even if it was to girls ask guys forum. I have a theory. When we are born I think that there is a percentage of us that is part man and part woman physically and emotionally. And I think that there is a percentage of str8 to gay in each one of us. Ever see some transgender woman that have very little curves? very masculine lesbians do you see curves(especially hips and butt). This is not a coincidence. It seems to me that nature has a mixture of male and female in all of us. I am very much female and very much male in so many ways. I always felt kind of maternal when it cxame to raising a child. I am very sensitive, I cry often(going through some incredibly bad times now) and I have a strong sense of keeping a clean home and I love to cook and entertain. On the other hand I remodel homes and swing a hammer as hard as hell and use chainsaws and lots of power equipment. Tons have people have heard this before but I believe partly that I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body. I want to be held and cared for. I love to be kissed gently all over my face and I do have my moods where I like rough sex but if I am with a woman I love I adore making love to her and love to please her over and over and when I get off I get off(I am guessing that is different than most men). I would say that overall I hate being a man. We are not supposed to cry and we are supposed to be so strong. I really wish that we knew everything about the brain and sexuality then we would be able to be open and honest with everyone. I really think that what you fell is normal. I am sure there are men on here that feel kinda like you or maybe me. I wish you good luck and I am glad that you feel better about telling us

[Anonymous]

I think the best thing to do is to talk to someone professionally. Getting a sex change costs a lot of money and it's a long process. If there is confusion they can better explain things for you. It's normal for people to feel a bit transgendered but for the most part we accept and enjoy what we are. I also think you like men by the way.

[Wilsky]

Yes, I do like men. But not men who like men. If that makes any sense. :/

[saphirasilverwings]

So you want to be a girl and be in a relationship with a guy? I guess that makes sense.

[Wilsky]

Yeah, pretty much.