Sexual Health
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Why does my boyfriend pleasuring me get unbearably intense and how do I overcome it?

I'll just apologize in advance if this gets a little too "graphic" but I need to so I can explain my issue... My boyfriend wants to pleasure me, he fingers me and plays with my clit. I love it because it feels great! But then it gets to the point after maybe 5 or 10 min where it begins to feel really intense, kinda unbearable and it starts to not feel as good anymore. When it gets this intense I panic and tell him to stop, a couple of times literally forcing his hand away. He always looks hurt and concerned (because he really does want to pleasure me) and I just feel horrible that I can't let him. I won't even let him start any of that anymore because I'm worried about how intense and unbearable it will get... So any ideas what's causing this? And how do I overcome it? If its of any relevance, I don't masturbate because I reach the same sort of unbearable point and always stop and have now just given up with it. My boyfriend is also the only guy I've ever slept with and I'm 18. I'd really appreciate any feedback or suggestions because I want to be able to let him carry on to the end, if you get what I mean, but in all honesty, I'm not even sure if this sensation is me climaxing. I'm too naive about this to know... :/ Sorry I've rambled on but all and any help is very much appreciated! Thanks! :P
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, your clit and gspot have more desified nerves than almost your whole body combined. Think about how your body responds to an itch. At first it feels great, but as you keep scratching eventually it just starts to hurt. That perfectly normal.

    So in this case your man needs to learn the concept of "building" tension. If you just start rubbing the clit and don't stop it will always eventually get soar/over stimulated and just plain hurt. The key is to mix it up a little. He has to move away from it and focus on other areas for a little while, then wait until you are anticipating his touch there again. if he holds off until you are really anxiously waiting for it it will feel like a fresh itch all over again. Each time he does this it should increase in sensation in a good way until - as you put it - you just can't take it anymore (but again in a GOOD way).

    Tell him for now just to alternate between slow/fast to give things a break and see how much more you can take. Maybe suggest other areas of your body you want played with like nipples or other sensative spots to give it a rest for a bit.

    This is the basis of really powerfull and deep long lasting orgasms. Also keep in mind sensative areas like that will eventually just be too over stimulated period and your body needs a break. Again that's normal and natural. But if you want to extend that period of time as much as possible, he has to break it up.

  • The clitoris is generally the main organ for sexual pleasure (other than the brain). As you get more aroused, it gets more sensitive. Now imagine that you leave the finger stimulation and go to intercourse (which is the natural next step once you are fully aroused). Your clitoris would continue to be stimulated by the pressure of his groin, and by the pulling in the area from the motion of his penis in your vagina. The clitoris continues to receive stimulation as you reach orgasm. The very important point here, is that it is indirect stimulation!

    Once your arousal reaches that point it is time to go to indirect stimulation of the clitoris, even if you do not go to intercourse. For instance, fingering in which he moves forward and back, not just in and out. Or lays fingers next to the clitoris but not on it and stimulates it that way. Or just rubs over it from outside the labia.

    The best way to find the solution is to do it yourself. Masturbate and try these different things. Find what relieves the intensity, while still taking you to orgasm. Then teach him. And he will not feel bad about you explaining it to him. He will love learning it from you.

Most Helpful Girls

  • i honestly think that you might be close to having an orgasm, if not actually having them (although orgasms should generally be pleasurable, not at all painful!) if you've never had one before, they can be really intense and I know at least for me that right after its over it is not comfortable for my clit to be touched at all. For me, the first few I had were almost too much, but the more you have them they kind of lessen in intensity a little.

    i would definitely try touching yourself on your own to figure it out, and try to work through that part, or back off on the stimulation as it starts becoming uncomfortable and see if it helps. you are the only one that can know if something feels good to you or not, and once you figure it out you can start bringing your boyfriend back into the picture. How is he supposed to know how to get you to climax if you aren't sure yourself?

    if you try masturbating and it still isn't pleasurable, I would consider seeing a doctor or something because you deserve to experience orgasms and pleasure during sex!

    • So I could actually be climaxing? Would another indication be that my legs do kinda turn to "jelly" sometimes? And thanks for the input! :)

    • yea, I think so. of course, you know your body better than I would, but if it gets really intense and than no longer feels good to be touched, to me that sounds like you're climaxing.

  • Ask him to back off a few notches.

    @Red_Arrow is right that it will help if you masturbate and can show him what works for you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 9

  • The area is overly stimulated which becomes super sensitive. It can throb uncontrollably afterward maybe even painfully so. Just tell him to switch things up a bit. If he does a little in one area then goes to another sweet spot on you then back to the first one a few things happen.

    That first area has taken a break, you psychologically know he will return to that area building up tension, and he hasn't paused long enough to get you out of the mood. Look at the erogenous zones of the typical woman and see if those areas affect you as well.

    link

    There is a second page to this article

    • Thanks! That link was really useful :)

  • One thing to rule out is lack of lube. Lube does not reach your clit from your Vag and pleasure can move into irritation and chafing in no time.. Next time, bring a sample size of lotion in your purse. Lay it on and finger it in at and below your clit all the way to your Vag before he starts to play. It will soothe you and it mixes well with your fluid. Cocoa butter is a personal favorite. Do the same thing before you masturbate.

  • I really can't understand it =/ Maybe you have an orgasm allergy?

  • Is his pleasuring vigorous, fast paced? Remember that our 'bits' are EXTREMELY sensitive, that's the whole point, that's why sex feels so intense and pleasurable. With these parts being so sensitive they'll also be in discomfort when over-stimulated, they become 'raw'. Men are exactly the same, having your d*** sucked/sex very recently after already doing it it isn't as pleasurable as it was, it's quite uncomfortable depending on how long the sex, bj lasted and how intense it was. These are sensitive parts, they need abit of time to recover lol

    One thing I can suggest is that maybe you should start doing things by yourself purely for the fact that if become more used to the uncomfortable parts, begin to cope with it, eventually it won't be as uncomfortable, it's simply training yourself :)

    Explain to your boyfriend what it feels like, that it can get a bit sore... he'll inderstand

  • like red said, he needs to change things up a bit. If it's really about pleasuring you, and not just about what he like doing, he should be willing to do what you want.

  • Try to explain your problem to him. Try convince him about this. That's it too unbearable for me. Maybe he can change his mind about this.

  • attention

  • bored

  • Try using your own juice to lubricate it when you or he rubs it, go slower than usual and maybe not focusing straight on the clit but I've heard the 10 and 2 position feels good for sensitive girls, also circling the clit

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