Girls, why would you stop having sex with your boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my girl for a little over a year. in the beginning we had great sex. a lot of sex. now its barely ever and when we do have it its almost like she doesn't enjoy it or want it. The last time she wanted to have sex with me was on my birthday over a month ago. I try to turn her on and she just gets annoyed. I've been trying to give her space, but then during the she will make me feel like she is interested in having sex but then when the time comes she is annoyed again. How do I handle this situation? All I want is for her to want me again. All I want is for her to enjoy sex with me. It bothers me because I've never been a guy to go out and cheat, but this has been going on for a while now and I fear that if it continues I'm going to become very unhappy. I've tried to talk to her about how I feel and she says its because we have different schedules. She works at night and I work during the day. She says she is in the mood during the day while I'm at work, but the thing is I live so close to home I can come home on work. The only time she seems to enjoy sex is when she has been drinking. only then she is all over me. frustrated.

[Anonymous]

every girl is different. what I'm about to say is only what I notice in many girls, but not all girls. :)

idk sometimes it just gets old if its the same old stuff all the time.we have lots of emotions going on too and sometimes there's something happening psychologically or emotionally that doesn't allow us to easily fall into the mood of getting it on. like if there's drama with friends that really gets you down, you lost a family member, you're having some depression or self esteem issues, you're thinking about your life goals or you are unsatisfied with where you are in life, unhappy, etc. many things can just drain us on sexual desire, or simply consume our minds with worry, stress, problems with our bodies, hormones, etc.

sometimes girls feel like sex is the thing that is important at first, but then as the relationship goes on, we sometimes feel that the guy loves us so much that who we are as people is enough. if we don't want to have sex very much, many of us will simply feel that's its not a big deal and we may be satisfied by the emotional connection alone or the feeling of comfort and security. we don't feel like sex is necessary at a certain point. also, constant sex may seem like the honeymoon phase. many girls pass that phase at a certain point, some don't ever pass it, but after that we just don't see that same firey sex life as necessary.

different schedules is a huge factor. I know that working around that would get really exhausting and I know that if it doesn't happen when I'm really in the mood, that's it. there's no trying to get myself into wanting sex with you. that's just annoying.

of course, she may just be saying that because she's not interested in having sex much with you. I know I've done that before. said "oh I'm in the mood at this time, but you're not here at that time so meh. and no don't even bother trying to get here when I'm in the mood anyway..." lol

idk not everyone feels like constant sex is necessary in a relationship. difference in what you see is important.

plus, I notice sex with guys sometimes isn't all that. sex with girls tends to be amazing (im bi)but a lot of guys just don't know what theyre doing and if the girl feels the same way, she's going to doing a lot of faking probably. after a while, that gets tiresome and annoying so we just stop.

there are a number of reasons why she could be acting this way. could not be interested in you anymore, could just not be interested in sex, all the reasons I mentioned in the beginning within her, or she could be cheating on you. just talk to her, ask her why she isn't into sex anymore. if sex is that important to you, you might end up going your separate ways. don't cheat though. just peace out before you do something like that.

[Asker]

yeah I hear ya, I've been trying to come at this thing from all different angles. I mean I know I'm there for her emotionally. I've just never been with a girl who doesn't like oral sex!? I wish she loved it because normally it turns a girl on enough that I can bring her to orgasm really quickly while having sex, but not in this situation. I'm not one to cheat. I just wish she came at me more. I wish she would just realize that I enjoyed it when she was a little more aggressive.

[Asker]

My view is, sex is suppose to be fun, aggressive, passionate, and messy. its something her and I should enjoy together. It shouldn't be something that one person just puts up with. If that is the case it makes me sad.

[Opinion Owner]

a lot of girls don't like oral sex, but yeah. and a lot of women just put up with it, you have no idea lol

[Asker]

i'm confused... are you talking about giving or receiving... or both?

[Minxxe]

is there something going on for her personally, medically or professionally that might be more important than having sex perhaps, understandably your energies are in conflict what with working different schedules. you say you've tried to talk to her about it and you're not the sort to cheat.

maybe your libido's are mismatched, or she *needs alcohol/special occasions to feel horny - have you thought about taking her away for a weekend or overnight, away from the usual mundane crap that couples get bogged-down in? treat her to something different, sounds to me like she's bored of you or of the love-making. try something different, women need more mental stimulation that physical and it sounds like you want her to tell you what to do. use your imagination, it's not appealing if a partner has no new ideas to offer. take her to task, ask her to send you dirty text's when she's horny during the day, or make a schedule for sex if you feel you're entitled to it. is she menopausal maybe? who knows, the possibilities are infinite.

TBH if my man was standing there telling me how important sex is to him then I'd likely ignore him until he could come up with a better line of conversation and way of approaching me. I wouldn't take it lightly that he mentions "i'm not the sort to cheat" kind of sounds like a threat to me and if he thought that's all I need to hear to get my mind and body stimulated then he'd be pushed in the direction of the front door.

[Asker]

lmao I didn't tell her that I was just saying that in the question. but honestly I'm always trying different things when it comes to sparking the relationship. sex shouldn't be the same routine over and over again it should be fun!

[vmw2008]

I think she's losing feelings for you. When a girl is emotionally unsatisfied, she'll lose the desire to connect physically. Your choice of how you want to handle that, but cheating is never the answer. If you feel that unhappy, break up with her. Cheating is a coward's way out.

[Asker]

thats interesting but confusing in my situation. I believe I do emotionally satisfy her. She is happy with me and she does feel at home with me. We basically sleep on top of each other, she tells me all the time how much she loves me and how she never wants me to leave. The only time she has ever said anything about me not getting her emotionally is when we get into a huge argument. and that is one of the hurtful things she says. I'm a very supportive guy. I do actively listen.

[vmw2008]

Then perhaps maybe it's the attraction that's missing, if she still feels safe home and at home with you. The initial courting, make her feel beautiful, excitement, etc. Those things can re-spark sex for a woman.

[Asker]

i've been trying. I just recently texted her telling how sexy she looked last night and how sick her body was. She said that made her smile...

[vmw2008]

Try taking her out for a hot date. Make her feel like when you first started dating.

[Asker]

I'm going to try and take off next week to spend more time with her. I mean we don't get to spend a lot of time together. I would have thought that would have made the sex better or her want it more.

[jasonknowsit]

if a guy has a lot to offer. the woman will never loss interest in her man. very sad but very true.

[kheserthorpe]

This is her issue. You could support her in working on this issue, but she doesn't care.

Its not going to get better, its going to get worse.

Just move on.

[Asker]

can you elaborate on your answer as to why you believe its going to get worse?

[kheserthorpe]

The way things are in the first few months is not a good representation of her long term sex drive. Why will it get worse? Because actual reasons will come up that will knock her from monthly to nothing. Every time you go a month or two without, its setting up a new 'normal' for her. Then something will come up, and it will be three months, etc. Look, there are things that might improve it somewhat, but as someone who has lived it, just get out now and find someone with a higher libido.

[Minxxe]

QA it's not necessarily true that it won't improve, but it depends on your level of comittment. with first hand experience I'm pleased to say that although he didn't understand it my man put up with my loss of sex drive for 4 years. I did it but hated it, it was a sign of other things, depression, medication, you name it. I'm glad to say I perked up again about a year ago and can't get enough sex now, the shock's wearing off for him and he's immersing himself nicely again. there's hope ;O)

[kheserthorpe]

Minxxe, I'm glad to hear it. I've _been_ through stretches like this with my wife, where she just flat out did not do it. There are some signs of improvement now, but we'll see. But a year old relationship? I wouldn't stick around, knowing what I know now.

[Minxxe]

true, a year is not long but it sounds like they really care for each other in other aspects of the relationship. hope it works out for them someway or another, one thing I learned though is the additional love and passion I feel for him having stood for it for so long, kind of makes me extra *grateful to him in the bedroom which is a plus ;0)

[dryad]

I would stop having sex with a guy if his STD test came back positive, or he did something offensive to me such as hit me or showed up late to my place without a good excuse.

[Asker]

i've done none of the above lol

[Asker]

as a matter of fact the girl just yesterday was telling me how much she misses me and loves me. how she wish we had more time to spend together.

[dryad]

It sounds like there is something else going on between you two. I wasn't going to mention a reason that the sex wasn't all that good anymore since you didn't give that indication

[Asker]

it isn't the same as it use to be. she went from a girl who liked it rough and in every room in the house to a girl who just lies there on her back with her eyes closed.

[Asker]

it really makes me sad when I think about it.

[dryad]

It could be that she's getting bored, I really don't know. But I will say that happens to me because there are no more surprises, I get to know the guy really well. I know this is going to sound sluty but I have more than one male playmate at a time, right now it's just two (usually I have three, but I'm off to a slow year). This works for me because it's like eating 3 different flavors a week or so, thus I don't tired of the same taste every time.

[Anonymous]

idk maybe you could do the things you did in the beginning now. I noticed a lot of couples go through this when they've been together a while but sometimes guys forget that they have to still "date" the woman even after they have her.

also how good in bed are you? if the d*** is spectacular most women will not give that up. next time you do have sex give her 3-4 orgasms and then see how fast she hops on your D again

[Asker]

She said she has never had an orgasm. And she doesn't like oral sex!? which is ironic because I love giving it! I'd figure even if I couldn't give her a d*** orgasm I could at least give her a oral one, but that's not possible

[Anonymous]

It's normal for women to lose interest in sex, it's not that great. She probably only did it in the beginning to secure you. Truth is, she might not like sex. It's like a chore to some women.

[Bazinga]

I meant to downvote so ignore the +2.