When a guy comes quick, does it mean he is more excited than if it takes him a long time?

[violentvelvet]

This guy I am in love with. Okay. I was with him four years ago when I didn't have much experience. He was able to stay inside me for a lot longer without cumming. Now when he is with me. (and it has been four years since those last times) we were together twice, one time just a blow job, the second time sex, and he came really fast. He felt bad afterwards saying how I must have had better performances before. He didn't get it. I totally wasnt thinking about anything but him at the time. I wasnt thinking about how to be good or bad at sex. Now, when we were emailing before. . before we did anything together. he told me he had really long sex with this girl he was with for a SUPER LONG TIME because he liked long sex. Does that mean I am bad? Or does it mean he really enjoyed it because he came fast? Am I at fault here? How come the other woman who he said it was "THE BEST" with he was able to keep from cumming for so long? Damnit, what does it mean! His first words were "we aren't very good at this are we" and I said "that's not a nice thing to say" and he said he meant he wasnt very good at this. He is totally wrong. I don't know about technique, but I've never been with somebody who I like on all levels as much as I do him. Maybe I like him more than he likes me. I don't know. I hate the idea that it's unreciprocated. I hate it. I have a lot of experience and should know the answers from being with guys but I don't! I don't know at all. And when he left I don't think he realized how much I loved being with him. Because I hadnt had sex in a really long time and being with him it was like. the first time again, you know? Also, he's going off to Europe for three weeks, I probably won't see him for more than a month. I could ask him, but our communication styles are similar. We are both evasive, and then ocassionally shockingly blunt. But I don't know if I want to act all insecure and say "do you not like having sex with me because it doesn't last long enough?" Or. "Did you like having sex with me four years ago MORE?" For some reason, I really don't want to bring up the past and ask him that. I don't know why. I want to be coy about this and just not ask and that's why I am asking here. The more answers the better, please.

[preacherman]

Ok, sometimes I can go a long time and sometimes its quite short. It doesn't really have much to do with how turned on I am. You might be tighter than the last girl he was with, or he feels a closer connection to you. He was probably embarassed about how quick he came and didn't know how to aproach the subject, but no matter what he thinks, this isn't your fault, or his. A penis doesn't work like clockwork, they are kind of unpredictable. Some days, for example, when I get an erection it is about an inch shorter than other times, even when its like a rock. Its an organ, a body piece with special features. Him cumming quick may mean that the O isn't as powerful as one that takes longer and builds up, so maybe that's what he meant. He should have been more worried about pleasing you after he came. When I come quickly, I still make sure the job gets done, sometimes they like what I do then better than the actual sex, plus with my fingers, mouth or a toy, I get to deside when and how and how many times to make her cum. Just drop the subject with him or you will give the poor guy a complex. Things like this vary. best of luck

[violentvelvet]

Thank you so much, both of you..I have completely been over thinking this issue.

[preacherman]

Next time he comes quick and says sorry, you say " don't be, because you are gonna finish what you started". Then, after you cum, it won't seem like a big deal to either one of you.

[dave216]

It can be affected by 2 things, how aroused he is, and how long since the last time he ejaculated. If it has only been an hour ago, he might last a long time. If he hasn't come in a week, it might be less than a minute. A lot of you girls think when a guy cums sex is over. Well only if you let it be over. Cuddle together, massage him, just keep him naked and with you. In a short while he will be up and ready to go again, and he will last much longer this time.

[violentvelvet]

I wanted that, but he always gets dressed and doesn't cuddle much afterwards. Or before. I wish he would spend more of that. I think part of him wants to keep his distance and is afraid if he does that we will get even closer to each other than we already are. Instead, he's just making it worse by giving me more than a taste but not enough for me to feel full...Not that getting me off isn't super important to him, it is.

[violentvelvet]

I want more than anything for there to be a little more assurance from him. I know, it's weird, especially since I've come to the conclusion he came fast because he was really into it. But I'm upset at these little things. Four years ago he broke me. Literally. I feel like I went from Clementine in Eternal Sunshine to Fiona Apple. But now we are on the same damaged level and... yesterday was the first time in my life I was not conscious of my self-consciousness, which is huge for me.

[violentvelvet]

The part most eating away at me is those four years and what he represses and doesn't say. I asked him... I write you these long, long, personal letters.. and he doesn't respond much at all. I liked it at first, I loved the not knowing what he thought. But now I feel upset, because at lunch he said that it was hard to read because I didn't put enough PUNCTUATION or PARAGRAPHS in. He's contradicted himself by saying I was TOO literary in emails before. And... hold on.

[violentvelvet]

I hide my feelings a lot but I would also have moments where I would disclose something so shocking, explicit, and possibly self-destructive, or full of direct meaning he could not misunderstand, he generally would go on talking like nothing had happened. I wrote him a lot of letters in the last six months. while I was happy he could "handle" my wild emails, now it hurts to think that he fails to grasp the signification of the many subjects I have broached and he has left untouched.

[violentvelvet]

At times I try to raise the emotional stakes SO HIGH that I say something so bold/direct and you really cannot misunderstand the meaning. It will be so direct and so heartfelt.Mostly he will go on talking like nothing happened. Except for these bursts, I NEVER even insinuate I care. Four years ago, it was different because I was less like a person, more like a force of nature/more candid. But...hold on

[violentvelvet]

(Sorry for the incoherency here and the redundancy; there aren't enough letters, and I kept pressing comment instead of "submit comment," erasing my previous comment as a mistake, then having to re-write it. ANyway, I was trained at the age of three to be a concert pianist/composer. I knew nothing about the outside world. Except for books.. and now I read a book a day; and I write and write because I can't stop. I HAVE to write to contain the f-cking pain. He feels what I feel-

[violentvelvet]

I saw it when he was with me. If only he didn't care about me, he wishes. Then life would be empty and simple the way he was living it. But he is too intense for it. He brings me the only tenderness I have ever known. But he is living a lie. He is choosing security and the lie over being true to what is most true. But can I blame him for being responsible? He now has another kid to take care of from another marriage. I don't want to sleep with anybody but him.

[violentvelvet]

There is a field full of lillies, trees, and beauty. There is room for us to diffuse the darkness/abuse that was inflicted on us both. It's the only refuge. But he chooses to pretend it doesn't exist, even though he keeps coming over to make sure I NEVER forget that it's there. He pierces my heart with the view, then acts as if the place doesn't exist. I hate feeling like I "am all the days he chooses to ignore." -"All I Need." He broke my heart once. "Cant happen twice" I thought.. I mean think.

[Anonymous]

That a guy comes quickly may mean different things: it can mean he is more excited, it can mean he has an issue (which doesn't seem to be the case here), it can mean he hasn't had sex in a long time, or he might be anxious. Whatever the case is, there's nothing wrong with you and it's not like sex with you was less pleasurable.

And regarding the things he told you, well, he was trying to show you that he doesn't have a sexual dysfunction lol

I think you guys need to relax, enjoy the present while you're having sex, and if next time he finishes quickly again, tell him to help you come as well, with his fingers, or tongue or something.

[Atomizer]

I think you're overthinking this issue.

A guy's time before he comes is influenced by many factors, that might not have anything to do with you.

I think that focusing so much worry on his sexual response time will make you crazy.

If you like this guy and want a long-term relationship, I suggest you stop thinking that you can "fix it" in bed. Sex is only one part of a healthy relationship.

Comparing yourself to his past sexual partners will keep you up at night. Don't expect him to respond the same to you as to her. You're different from her, and you and him have a different chemistry -- you're both different from how you were four years ago. Not better, not worse. Different.

Hope this helps.

[sarahhas]

My name is Sarah Dixon, am from Dublin. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great Dr Samura who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man Dr Samura who brought my husband back to me, I had 2 lovely kids for my husband, about 3 years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i shouldn't worry about it at all so i

[bobko]

I've had that before and in my case it was kind of a selective thing, i dont know if its chemistry or what. With some women I could have just lasted as long as I wanted to, and with the others i was done in 2 minutes. However, I have a fiancée now and at the beginning of our relationship, 2years ago, I could not last in bed no matter what. I was stressed, she was hot ( and still is) and it just did not work. I swear i own so much to "xperform", google it. I've tried many products but this one really helped and i still use it occasionally. My fiancee has no clue though :)