If a lap dance can lead to orgasm, why are people OK with them when in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Just saying, I've heard guys and girls justify lap dances by saying "oh, well you can't touch". But just cause the guy has to keep his hands at his sides doesn't mean anything, the girl still is touching him, literally dry humping and will sometimes get the guy off that way... they call them friction lap dances, and they are legal and the norm in the US... and in Montreal, they are contact lap dances, that's the norm - the guys can touch the girls t*ts and ass. And women in relationships you are OK with this? Guys in relationships, would you be OK with your girl dry humping another guy or giving him that type of lap dance? I don't get how this is not cheating. Direct physical sexual stimulation and touching with the possibility of leading to cumming seems like cheating in my book?

[timetowaste]

I've had a lap dance.. I know what goes on during one. Granted I don't have a penis.. but. I've been in relationships before and my boyfriend/s at the time told me about it and yadda yadda. I didn't think anything of it at the time. These days I'm not comfortable with that at all if we are in a monogamous closed relationship. I've become a bit more jealous over the years. It just depends on how things are from the start. I was in an open relationship.. even though I didn't go out with other guys, he had other girls on his list and I didn't really care, so we would go to the strip clubs together and he'd talk to the girls and get dances and go on about how hot they were. I had some feelings for him, but that's just the way the relationship was. I'd be angry if my current Boyfriend went out and got something like that from someone else though.

[peace-love-couture]

Cheating is subjective, not everyone has the same views on cheating and being 25 to 29, I'd think you would understand everyone shares different beliefs.

Many couples have open marriages or relationships. But just because you disagree with them doesn't mean they are cheating.

I'd be fine with my guy getting a lap dance so long as he 1)Doesn't cross the boundaries and 2)Tells me about it.

It's cheating to YOU, but not for me and many others.

[Asker]

What are the boundaries?

[Asker]

Also, I guess my question is more about - if there are girls out there who are OK with lap dances, do they really realize what happens during one? Even the guy buying it doesn't know what he's getting when he pays often enough, it could be more innocent, and it could mean he essentially cums in his pants from a woman grinding him. I don't think women realize this is a realistic potential outcome with the increasing popularity of friction lapdances and visiting montreal for full contact lapdances

[peace-love-couture]

Kissing, oral sex, manual sex(giving or receiving from someone other than themselves), vaginal sex, anal sex, sexting, emotionally cheating, becoming addicted, which isn't a boundary, but it's a dealbreaker.

[Asker]

And if a lapdance causes direct stimulation (direct grinding) with a good potential of ending in orgasm, why isn't that the same as manual sex?

[peace-love-couture]

Because hands and mouth aren't used. Not to mention it's dry humping(some would say). She's just there for the money. If he goes with his friends it's no big deal, but if it becomes a solo habit then I'd worry

[Asker]

OK so an orgasm has to arise from the hands or mouth, but if it's crotch on crotch it's ok? And if money is exchanged a sexual encounter is ok? If friends are present during a sexual encounter that makes it ok? So if you screw a prostitute in front of your friends, that's not cheating?

[peace-love-couture]

I said sex is cheating, so yes me screwing a prostitute is cheating. I don't consider it a sexual encounter because it isn't going to lead to sex. It's visual stimulation, nothing more. It'd be like considering him dancing with another girl cheating. Look, I'm not going to consider it cheating just because YOU do. I'd be perfectly fine with my guy getting a lap dance. You might not be, but I would be. I don't consider it cheating and nothing will change that except for me

[Asker]

I guess this is my whole point. It's the same response I always get, like they can't touch, and it's visual cheating, and my point is it IS touching, and it's MORE than visual. I've known guys who talk about orgasm from lap dances. So if your significant other goes to a strip club and pays to be massaged to orgasm with a crotch, as long as no mouth or hands are used in getting them to an orgasm, you don't care that they orgasm from another person directly physically stimulating them?

[Asker]

I understand that other people define cheating differently. My question is that people seem to justify lap dancing by saying they are no contact, when my point is they are contact and can lead to happy ending results. As a girl, if you dryhumped a stripper till you orgasmed, would you feel that your boyfriend or significant other would have no reason to be upset because the stripper did not use their mouth/hands and paid for it?

[peace-love-couture]

It's just a lapdance. Most of it doesn't involve touching, it involves some standing in front and shaking their ass. I wouldn't go out with the type of dude who goes to strip clubs, so it's not a concern for me. It's just dancing, so that doesn't bother me.

[Asker]

but that's my point. A lap dance is not dancing in front of a guy shaking your thing unless you live in some really conservative state. For most of the US, lapdance is actually dryhumping/grinding and clubs actually advertise that the strippers give friction lapdances (aka grinding). This is why guys say it's very possible to orgasm from them. Lapdances are essentially dry sex, NOT dancing in front of a guy.

[peace-love-couture]

Most guys I know can't orgasm from a lapdance, because it requires more than them being turned on. And I'm still fine with it.

[Animal_Girl]

To me, cheating occurs when someone does something intimate with another person, behind their boyfriend's/girlfriend's back, when they know it would upset their partner. It's different for every relationship, and personally, I don't think I'd like it if some other girl was giving my boyfriend a lapdance, but there are far worse ways to cheat, imo.

[DrLover]

You are right on that one, just watching is one thing , but dry humping is another thing, the girl can obviously feel a guys excitement and make him Cum, yeah I would say that is cheating, if a guy is in a relationship, the guy should only let his girlfriend touch him that way.

[l-hedoniste]

Totally okay with my girl humping herself creamy with some stripper. I don't need to own every single orgasm my girl ever has; her loyalty is enough.

[Belgie]

So long as you realize that not everyone in the world is reading from your book, you can think whatever you like.

[Anonymous]

girls grind on other guys all the time and call it dancing, what about that?