Why is my boyfriend not affectionate?

We have been living together for two years, I am always the one that wants to kiss or touch, he initiates sex every now and then but most of the time its me, I am a very sensual person, I am tired of telling him that he needs to be more affectionate, maybe I need to move on because I can not live with someone that is like this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • mens in general, don't have a clue as to how to treat a lady. you, as the feminine, has got to teach us- the masculine, how to love. That's how things work with the masculine feminine dynamic, init? Has he always been like this, or is it a sudden thing. Its taken me a good many years to learn the art of sensuality, and I's can tell you, that me lady is totally enamored with me.

    Thas becuz I's an immense lover init?

    Also, if he;s masturbaten to much, its possible he's drainen his masculine essence, and his feeling for you is be squirted away as it were. Its a taoist thing.

    So don't play any games, as the bloke below me states. Rather, talk to I'm about it, and see what the bloody problem is, and that you;s looken for a change right quick otherwise its aufwiedersehn.


    Bonne courage


What Guys Said 5

  • Try letting him know how much affection means to you, and how living without it is making you feel.

    If that doesn't work, leave.

  • He simply might be less affectionate than you -- not better or worse, simply different. If his being affectionate is a deal-breaker, you might have to move on.

    When you write "I am tired of telling him that he needs to be more affectionate," that makes me wonder if he feels nagged or pressured. No one likes being ordered around to please someone else's whim and if he feels nagged he'll probably withdraw.

    Has he always been less affectionate? Or has he changed?

    If he's always been less affectionate I don't think you have any right to complain: you knew what he was like when you moved in with him.

    If he's changed, that might be a different matter and perhaps you can find a solution.

  • I wish I could answer that.my ex girlfriend was the same way as your bf.

    try this before you abandon ship (but do remember if you DO leave, he will give ALL the affection in the world to win you back.but THIS is a bandaid)

    now, to my philosophical answer (misspelled I know).people want what they can't have.lean back a bit, don't give as much.just maybe he will miss it and start coming closer to YOU.so he is the pursuER not the pursueEE. hope that helps

  • if he used to be affectionate before (or, perhaps, before you started living together), he might just be drained of the relationship. he's become complacent and is pondering calling it quits. I speak from personal experience and don't mean to be bluntly rude--just truthful.

    you might wonder what to do from here. the best thing for you to do is to give him a dose of his own medicine and be the one who, all of a sudden, doesn't want to kiss or touch as much. see if he reacts to this. most likely he will crave your attention and your problem will disappear.


What Girls Said 3

  • Many men are not sensual, nor do they know how to be affectionate. In my experience with this if your man can not be or doesn't want to be more affectionate towards you. You can force him, you can make suggestions, nor can you help him. If he can not do it on his own will then that's something you can not change. If you feel you can not living with him being this way then yes, I would say move on.

    I had the same issue with man not being affectionate for me. This is an issue in many relationships. As the women we must either one get use to it, live with it, or move on.

    There are guys out there that can be thoughtful and more affectionate.and some guys just do not have that ability. Sorry ~

  • If you have ask him to be more affectionate several times and you aren't getting what you need from him, then its time to eval the relationship if its that important to you! You aren't getting what you need in this situation. You've ask.not told or demanded, and still aren't being fulfilled. I would suggest backing off and being less affectionate and see what happens. If he doesn't come around then its time to start packing!

  • wow I feel like I wrote this myself...except for the living together part. I have said many times I need more affection and that affection and/or sex is the way I feel we stay connected and I have even said I've started to think about dating other men and he always says I will try harder but it hasn't changed...I feel like I'm sitting on the fence, I don't want to be without him but this is ruining my self esteem.