My girlfriend hooked up with a girl...I feel insecure, am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Ok a majority of the guys in the world have a fantasy about seeing their gf/wife/whatever hooking up with a girl...or to have a threesome with thei girlfriend and another girl or just 2 girls... well my girlfriend was drunk one night, this girl, she was pretty hot, kept buying her drinks...they got wasted, made out (which is almsot normal now adays lol at least with the girls I know), the girl went to smoke a cig and then asked my girl if she wanted to go to the bathroom...her not thinking anything of it said sure...well they get into the bathroom and the girl pulls her shorts down and starts eating her out, my girlfriend licks her boob and rubs her clit...after she did it she asked herself why she did it, it all happened so fast, heat of the moment...she regrets doing it what I'm thinking is wow that's hot as hell(cuz it is), but at the same time I'm hiding so much...is it wrong of me to feel insecure after this? I feel different than I thought I would. Is it wrong to feel like it would be different had this happened in front of me? I mean I don't know why I feel like that. I feel like if I was there I would have LOVED it because I was included, but because I wasn't there, I feel cheated on, unworthy...i know I'm not unworthy but I can't help but feeling insecure that she did that, even tho she regrets it after realizing what was going on...im not mad at her or anything, they were both completely smashed...but does anyone else feel that it would be different in front of you rather than behind closed doors...i always thought, I would never care and that it would be hot...well I do think its hot, but now that this has happened to me and not in front of me or with me I just feel very insecure...is this wrong of me, am I being selfish?

[Olivia9]

Just because a lot of guys are pigs doesn't mean that you are. A lot of guys like to pimp out their girlfriends that doesn't mean it is "ok". Just because it is normalized by media and such doesn't mean that it is morally OK to cheat on someone because a lot of people would consider it "hot". If jumping off a bridge was hot would you do it? lol You are not being selfish you are just a good guy that feels crappy and unwanted because his girlfriend cheated on him. Furthermore if this was a girl and her boyfriend cheated on her and blew some dude in a bathroom most people would say wow he is gay. Why isn't anyone thinking that she might be gay? Plus to add to the inseccurity you really can't compete with a girl's equipment so that adds to it. It seems like your girlfriend has no class, whether it was a guy or a girl, do you really wanna be with someone who cheated on you in a public bathroom?

[Olivia9]

Thanks! Good luck hope my answer helped : )

[Slimshadylp2]

ewwww no.

[selfishstars]

No, it's not wrong at all to feel that way. If she did this without you saying that you were okay with it beforehand, she cheated on you.

[queenofpeen]

You're not wrong to feel insecure about it. It's cheating, in my opinion.

[kheserthorpe]

I'd feel the same way.

I think you should tell her that what she did was not okay. Its not the end of your relationship, but she can't get hammered and fool around with people. What of the girl had an STD? What if she was getting drunk with a cute guy? If you two don't have an open relationship, its not cool.

The flip side, and I'd bring it up at the same time, is that you don't mind her having sex with girls, hell you think its hot, but you need to be involved. IF she wants to explore that you are game, but she can't just go 'oops, I slept with someone'.

I'm now reading your comment that you're maybe not exactly a couple. You two need to discuss what your status is, what's okay, what's not. It's okay to be hurt, but maybe not to be mad, just try to talk it out and figure where you two are.

[Asker]

thank you for your advice...helps a lot

[sikoo31]

first of all, being drunk is not a good reason, that's a bullsh*t excuse.

second of all, I wouldn't be trippin cause that is hot as hell.

but the best way for you to deal with this is to talk to her, tell her how you really feel.

[Asker]

i have...this isn't really about us being boyfriend/girlfriend or on and off f/gf its mroe so about me feeling insecure, like I feel like I couldn't do enough, which I truly know isn't the case...i jsut feel like part of my manhood is gone, what can I do?

[sikoo31]

well that's just odd. what I would do is f*** her brains out. that would remind me that I can do more than enough, if I were ever to feel like you do.

[Asker]

i did already lol

[sikoo31]

then you shouldn't feel that way man. I don't know why you do, so I guess I can't help.

[kgrrl2323]

yea and no. you say its hot to do and stuff but you obviously have second thoughts about it ONLY because you weren't there to get some action too. get over it because you said you were fine with it and clearly you can't handle the heat of swinging. tell your girlfriend that it's not okay from now on to do that kind of stuff because it makes you uncomfortable and you only want her to be with you.

[Asker]

i never said it was OK for her to do that...if iw as there it would have been OK because it would have been like she was doing it for me, even if she wanted to see what it was like to get eaten out by a girl...by doing it in front of me, makes it seem like she would be trying to turn me on, which would work...but somehow by not being there, I feel insecure about the whole situation...i don't know :/

[kgrrl2323]

it's all about you not getting anything from it. she wanted to experiment hooking up with a girl and she doesn't need your permission to do it. no where did you say that you weren't uncomforable nor did you stop her when she just left with that girl. you need to stop just thinking about your selfish needs and get over it. clearly she doesn't want to ever do something like that again because of how it made her feel so you will never have a 3some like you want which is good because you can't handle neways.

[Asker]

i wasn't even at the bar this happened at, so stopping her wasn't an option...i've had 3 threesomes before, so I've handled it very well actually...i don't understand the assumptions you're making...its not about me getting ANYTHING from it, its about me feeling insecure because I wasn't asked if it was ok...it just happened, randomly...but yeah we all have to be selfish at some point with our feelings, why the hell wouldn't we...lol

[Asker]

the threesomes weren't with a girlfriend, they were in college...so it being with a girlfriend or girl I'm seeing is different and would be different, especially when emotions are attached...

[kgrrl2323]

you also say that you two are on/off so how is it you have feelings all of a sudden when she hooks up with a girl but you don't when you hook up with other girls. you aren't in a relationship if you're on/off. you need to get your facts straight if it meant something to you which I don't think it did because it only bothered you that you just weren't there to enjoy it too. if you cared in that it hurt in the way that you can't pic yourself with neone but each other then you wouldn't be saying that.

[Asker]

what is going on with these assumptions you are making about me?...on and off doesn't mean we're hooking up with other people...i never said ANYTHING about an "open relationship". I do agree, however, that we should establish the understanding of what we have...i just don't agree with you making assumptions on me, I guess is all lol

[slipslender]

WTF.

this qualifies as cheating to me...

[Asker]

i know, I know...well we are more like ON and OFF bf/gf, like we're single but we only hook up with one another (well clearly not anymore)...but its like id never hook up with a dude lol...im jsut insecure because I feel like part of my manhood was taken from me because it was with a girl...it may sound weird and maybe I am, I duno :/

[actricalian]

At least he got to watch, though. That ought to even things out.

[slipslender]

your manhood isn't 'gone' lol. it's not like every time she gets off on her own equates to you not being able to perform, right? so, don't think of it that way. @actricalian: but he DIDN'T get to watch lol.

[Asker]

me being unable to watch/be included = my insecurity... thank you slipslender, I appreciate it

[actricalian]

Oops, sorry, I misread it then.

[jds22]

Guilt her into making her do whatever you want and next time -- get in on that, young lad.

[Asker]

i tried...i think that's what's making me more insecure...i was like well sh*t, call ehr up lets doa threesome...she said she doesn't ever want to do it again and she regrets it...she also said she would have a hard time seeing me with antoher girl..lol I don't even care about getting with that girl, just watching them go at it would be hot enough for me

[jds22]

Tell you're going to get with a dude now.

[Asker]

lolololol I would never tho

[05Jueey]

No you're not wrong at all. You should tell her how you feel but try not to be offensive

[doctorwhofan23]

Did you say it was OK for her.. If not it is cheating.

[Asker]

nope...it just happened, she wasn't even planning it...but still, I guess it makes me insecure because I wasn't involved...had I been there it would ahve been like she was doing it for me...ya know?