Boyfriend chats to girls and watches them on webcam. Hurting.

Question

The erotic website type thing. With real girls, I know its their job and they get paid but.. I don't know.. I just straight up don't like it and its sus to me. I told him I don't mind him watching p*rn, I just don't feel comfortable with the webcamming and him watching them strip and chat to them as I feel its a whole other level of intimacy introduced and sexual communication branched. So I have told him I am not happy with it, but.. he just cannot stop. He has told  me he has stopped because he loves me so much and doesn't want to do anything that makes me upset or uncomfortable yet I see it over and over again in his history amongst dating sites where he will perve on girls but not join the site, probably because I have his email and password seeming I have to check his bills for him all the time. A one and a half year r/ship so far and the sex is great, I've been told I'm his best partner yet and he wouldn't leave me for anyone and wants to get married etc. But why can't he just give it up? Any boys with girlfriends also do this and lie to their gf's is it really that important to you? Is p*rn not enough? Please explain to me the nature of this, and I thank you gratefully if you can help me understand

MrMysteryMan · Accepted Answer

Well, he sounds like a voyeur (person that get's aroused at watching sexual acts or people being sexual).  If it bothers you and he knows this then he should respect you if he truly loves you.  P*rn is one thing, because you never get anywhere personal with p*rn.  It's like watching a movie star on film, just more graphic.  Webcaming, on the other hand, seems a little more on a personal level, at least one-sided.  The girls on these cams are just making a living and I don't think they ever get the feeling of starting a real relationship with any of the "clients" when they do their thing.  It's like strip clubs in a way.  It's business and money for the girls.  But the girls have to make it seem like they have a personal relationship with their "clients" to gain more money and more loyalty from them.  The more they can get the men to fall in love with them or to get into their heads, the more money the get from them.  Men will drop THOUSANDS of dollars on woman daily if they are treated like "boyfriends" or something special to them.  It's a feeling of worth from the opposite gender that they don't feel they will get or don't get at all from real relationships or from attainable women, or women they can actually talk to face to face.  So, you can't blame the women for this, I don't think.  It's just a job for them, putting on a lucrative show.  But, guys can get caught up with the women.  This I believe is a problem.  It's really another relationship, all-be-it virtual.  Just like having a relationship over the phone with someone except it's visual.  I guess it also depends on the guy.  If the guy is just looking at random women and not paying for anything or trying to talk or have a relationship with these women, then it's probably just a more "real" type of p*rn.  On the other hand, if they start shelling out big bucks on one woman and really missing them and having intimate conversations with them, then that's getting into the having a relationship with them zone.  That's when then honesty and betrayal comes into play for the woman who is having the real relationship and then it's bad news.  So if you are feeling betrayed or hurt by this, it's probably not a good thing for your relationship and will end up hurting you and your relationship in the end.  It think it's pretty decent that you don't mind p*rn and p*rn can be harmless if you both have an understanding of what's expected.  I'd talk to him seriously and let him know exactly how it feels for you.  If he doesn't care and continues, then he doesn't care about you!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If I really loved my girl and knew this upset her, I would stop. I mean girlfriend OR webcam to fake sluts = girlfriend of course.

Get someone that has more respect for you and cares more about you.

My girlfriend stopped me watching p*rn because she just didn't like it. I'm fine with it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hi, I certainly don't condone lying in a relationship, but I've worked as a webcam model for awhile, so maybe I can give you a bit of an "insider" perspective on webcam p*rn sites and how it likely isn't as intimate as you may imagine.

First off, probably like 99% of the girls on websites like this are only in it for the money. Everything is an act for them. Even if they genuinely enjoy being a webcam model, money is still the main motivator. They aren't forming real connections with the guys---they fake liking people in order to get their money. Any guy with half a brain realizes this and knows that he's paying for a girl to act interested in him.

Further, if a guy isn't paying, chances are the girl won't talk to him (or will barely talk to him). On the site I worked on, models can see which users are paying users, and users are also assigned ranks according to how much they tip. Models also have the ability to prevent "guests" (people without accounts), and non-paying users from being able to chat (and many exercise this). A model is not likely to do something that a non-paying user suggests, and she's not going to put much energy into talking to someone who isn't going to tip when she could focus her attention on someone who will (and thus, increase the amount of tips she's getting). No one will buy the cow if you give the milk away for free, so to speak.

If a guy is paying, the girls will fake interest and intimacy and will be willing to do things that the guy asks them to do on cam---but again, its pretty much all an act. If anything, I would describe it as "choose-your-own-adventure" p*rn---in that its a lot like any other kind of p*rn, except if you pay enough, the girl will do what you want to see.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend has done this and i just recently found out about it. And it feels worse than when i had been cheated on because i actually trusted him, he said he didn't talk to them or anything, it just hurts knowing he was watching some girl get naked and she was watching him get off... I just feel crazy.

SimplySamantha · Accepted Answer

i totally understand why that would upset you. honestly if my boyfriend did that id consider it cheating and probably break up with him if it happened more than once