How to feel better about that worthless feeling from a one night stand?

Guys, I have been brought up not to sleep with anyone until marriage. But recently, after years of appeasing family, I decided I haven't had enough fun and to throw that out the window and try a one night stand. I met a fun, intriguing and of course attractive guy at the gym and went running with him one time. There were some texts and I tried not to send more than he would. I couldn't tell if he was interested. I've been told that girls need to let the man know that he has an opportunity with them and I tried, but am not an experienced flirt. I've also been told not to seem too available. So confusing! I just decided to be outgoing and try letting him know he had a chance with me. Sometimes he seemed interested and others I'd wonder why communications were so infrequent. Finally last week, he asked me over. At first, I tried to schedule it for a different day. I didn't want to seem too available, but he said he wanted to see me and I was curious. We ended up going to bed and it was not a pleasant experience for me at all (I wasn't a virgin but out of the game for a long time and only have had sex with long time boyfriends and with extreme guilt.) He didn't even seem to enjoy it because I was conflicted about having sex and he knew I wasn't enjoying it. I felt so much pressure to perform... isn't that supposed to be guys concern? Geez now the girl has to worry about the whole thing? Being available but not too available, performing well in bed and then act cool as she leaves with a lost sense of self worth? What is wrong with this picture?! Anyway, he was just all the more rough to get his climax...not nice for me. I just needed a connection but he didn't take the time. I left before the morning even though he invited me to stay. He was pretty dismissive after sex. I know I shouldn't have but I sent a text the next day... Just a joke answer to something he'd said the night before. He responded laughing. This time I made myself avoid contact and sure enough he texted me another night later. Had a bit of text convo but I cut it short before it got stale. Another day without communication and I was strong. But today... I sent another text. I CAN'T control myself! Ugh! Haven't heard from him. I guess I don't even want to keep things going with him. But I just want to feel better about myself now. Will other men want me if I have cheapened myself by not having enough self respect to avoid this disaster? I don't intend to do it again. But it just hurts to feel so... worthless. I'm told that I'm pretty and sweet. I'm athletic and outgoing and have a good education. But I feel so foolish and cheap. How to recover from this?! How can I meet someone and give him an opportunity with me but not seem so easy or cheap? I REALLY need the guys perspective here. Thanks in advance for reading my lengthy description and question.
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • You poor thing! Listen, kudos to you for escaping the brainwashing your family has given you and realizing that sex is healthy and normal. But it's going to take time for you to fully come to terms with that. After all, you're engaging in this activity that's been hammered into your brain your whole life as something shameful. Naturally, you feel a little ashamed and guilty afterward. But there's no reason to. You haven't done anything wrong.

    I have to say, though, casual sex isn't for everyone, and it sounds to me like it's not for you. Sex has this weird way of manipulating your feelings and making you feel attached to someone regardless of whether they have feelings for you. It makes some of us feel vulnerable and insecure. The proper way to handle a one night stand would have been to hook up, leave, and never look back. But for some of us, sex is partly an emotional experience, and that's part of what makes it good. So afterward, you feel close to your partner and you want to reach out, but the other person couldn't care one way or the other. And that's when you feel used. Because for the purposes of that night, he wasn't having sex with *you,* he was sticking his penis in a warm body. And that realization doesn't feel very nice.

    So all that to say, I don't think that feeling of worthlessness goes away with experience. For all those who are able to enjoy safe, no-strings-attached sex with semi-strangers, that's great. But for people like you and I, we'll save it for someone to whom we mean something.

    • Brainwashing? It sounds to me like they were right.

  • girl! don't feel worthless. you are and were worth something! sex! for one night! that's onyl ONE night of your life. you got your freek on and I bet it was GGOOODDDDD! so, who cares...just don't let society make you fel like crap...or your parents teachings. you have needs too!

    but, one advice I can give you, if its a 1 night stand and you know it...EMBRACE it! but knw that's all it as...go brag to your friends, but don't give the guy your number...you WILL get hurt...if you try to make anything more of it

    • hmmmm. okay thx b61983. so no contact with him after. just plan it that way. how to get good sex from a man who only sees you as quick thrill though? advice on that? because, no it wasn't good... he was good looking, but just into his own sensations. ugh.

    • then ya, ew...he is just a gross pig...he didn't use YOU, he uses EVERYONE! so don't feel like you did anything wrong. I guess the only way to get good sex from aguy like that is to maybe get him drunk so he lasts longer, and you gotta get on top, and call the shots. tell him what to do...hell do it, hell get turned on by the fact your telling him what you like, and it will be better. oh, its better if you have a few drinks too...

    • haha, okay. thanks!

    • Show All
  • We all have weak moments like this. I myself don't have a great track record. Don't text this guy anymore whatever he says is not going to make you feel any better about what happened. Accept the fact you did it, that your human, your not perfect and move on. Set your own boundaries, don't let others set them for you. Love and respect yourself and others will too. My grandma told me "keep your legs close, and your heart open" I am going to follow that for now on.lol

Most Helpful Guys

  • Ok take it from a guy who is a true as%hole. Don't feel bad about it. It'd human to want sex are bodies are wired for it. Look at it like this sex is like buying a car you don't test drive every car that's out there just the ones you like and might buy. Girls look at there virginity very different from men Here's how I look at it. It's not the first guy you have sex with that gets something special from you it's really the last guy you sleep with that's gets something special he gets your hand in marrage he gets your love. So ladies it's not the first guy you have to pick right. It's the last one.

  • Looks like you gave in easily to this dirtbag who used you. One night stands are not for everyone, mmkay? Maye your family gave you the advice they did for a reason.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

1 2
  • We all have needs. Never worry or do or not do something because of what others say. Be urself

  • You chose it. Embrace it. You must have done it for a reason. Enjoy that.

  • you will stop feeling worthless from one night stands when you stop doing them.