Sexual Health
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How to get over the rape?

my boyfriend and I are each others first girlfriend and boyfriend. he's really shy and sweet and he's a virgin and I guess I'm not and I guess I have been afraid of a relationship up until now. we have been going out for 2 months so far and he's starting to get impatient about sex. he keeps telling me to get over it because there's nothing I can do to change what happened and I agree. I am trying my best to get over it and whenever I try to force myself to tell him I will have sex with him I just cant. how can I just move on and get over it?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I wrote a 2998 worded answer for your question and it was f***ing inspiring and good.

    In a few words, tell your boyfriend to f*** off. He doesn't respect you. What he wants is sex. Knowing that you have been raped, he INSISTS, and that's fu.cking uncool. You need to grow some female balls. A 2 month relationship isn't worth this disrespect and him being a needy little disrespectful, not understanding c.u.n.t is not cool.

    YOU KNOW this is true, I don't even have to know him but I'm a guy and I know what he's thinking more or less. It isn't worth it. HE ISN'T WORTH IT. Do you want to make love(or fu.ck whatever) a man? Or a little needy boy?

    Tell me. He isn't your biggest issue in life right now. You have bigger and MORE important things to take care of. Yourself.

    Traumatic experiences are sh*tty. I know, but the only way to live with them (you never ever get over it, and don't lie to yourself either) is to learn to be strong. Therapists can help obviously, and if its bad, I would suggest you see one. No shame in that. You would be stupid if not endangering your psychological and emotional health if you don't... But all in all, if you think you are strong enough already to TRY and live with it, be strong for your well being, try. If you find yourself failing and not strong enough to get through it, that's what friends and family are for, as well as shrinks. They are there for a reason.

    Your boyfriend can learn a thing or two about decency, about understanding and respect. His behavior towards you in regards to his knowledge of the rape that you were victim to... it's disgusting.

    When you feel comfortable enough to have sex with someone you care about then you will have sex. Just because he's impatient and needy doesn't mean you need to give in. You are the gatekeeper, which means you have power unless its of course rape. Learn that this is power in relationships. Sex IS power. It's true. Guys need it, guys want it. But with your situation, things are more delicate. Don't deny that.

    So I kind of lost my train of thought, I'm willing to answer anything else but all in all:

    1-Your boyfriend needs manners and maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship. This is a huge red flag.

    2-Learn to be strong. Work on your self. It takes a long time, but if you let a sh*tty moment(s) dictate how you live your life, how you feel... then you lose. In a sense, you lose. So this is no little issue. I can imagine how rape can affect a person psychologically, and all that and it's something that must be dealt with. And its okay to take time for yourself and build yourself a strong shell because frankly, you shouldn't take that sh*t in life, and when you do, you should be able to live with it not out of lack of choice, but because you have the inner strength to live past your hardships. (wow look at that almost 2900 words lol, copy paste... annnnnnd)

    • tadaaaaaa

    • BA right here!

  • well he shouldn't be pressuring you so much for starters

Most Helpful Girls

  • JustDance is completely right. Your boyfriend is being a do;uche...nozzle for trying to pressure you into having sex with him. You have been through a terrible ordeal and that is not some small thing you can just "get over". He needs to respect you, it's obvious he only wants sex, or else he would be more understanding. 2 months is nothing, that is barely enough time to know each other. So having sex noIw would be a big mistake. Trust me, I usually wait 3-5 months before I have sex with someone. And that person has never pressured me, I have sex because I want to and I am comfortable with that person. We love each other, your boyfriend doesn't sound like he cares about you at all. Right now the best thing he could be doing for you is to support you, not pressuring you into something that you are obviously not comfortable with.

    You definitely need to seek the help of a professional. They can give you the tools to start recovering from the terrible ordeal you had to endure. They can help you heal, and give you the proper tools to start being able to feel safe again. That is your main priority. If this boyfriend is too concerned with just having sex, then he needs to go. He is not someone who has your best interests in mind. Find friends and family you can lean on. I'm sure it's probably gonna be scary for you to talk to them especially if they do not know about the rape. But try to find someone you trust and feel comfortable with. Even if it's a friend or a friends mom, or even an older sister, or a pastor or anyone who you can trust. These people will be your support team and will be there for you if you want to talk and to help you through this.

    I wish you the best and hope that I have helped!

  • Wait a sec ,did he force himself on you ? I'm sorry it just takes a lot of time and therapy

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 0

  • I think you should just trust him cause I'm in the exact same situation ...

    • Trust him? Really? No offense, but you can't be so naive. He's right that she should get over it, she has to if she ever wants to disassociate her rape from consensual sex with someone she cares about... but this 2month old boyfriend isn't doing this out of love or because he cares about her. His selfishness and neediness is OBVIOUS. It takes time to live with this experience, her boyfriend is "impatient" as she said and is begging to get his d.i.c.k wet. Don't you see that?

    • To show so much disrespect for your psychological well being, as if the rape you were victim to becomes a laughing matter and that you should just "suck it up", is uncool. Respect goes both ways. But what really frustrates me is that I myself would say that I'm alpha male type of guy, and I find that most girls are very beta, submissive, sheep, pushovers... You can at least stand up for yourself, and stand up to your sh*tty boyfriend especially when you have to. But most don't. Sometimes,

    • girls really do need to grow some balls, and learn to show that they are worthy of themselves. Not just take the abuse(verbal, psychological...) from ANYBODY. That's just me, I prefer a girl who had that inner strength because it shows that she's not weak. Weakness is a turn off to me. And I have very strong beliefs as you can see. I have an opinion for almost everything lol. Anyway, better trust yourself than anyone else, especially a boyfriend who's neediness for sex outweighs your emotional wellbeing.

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