Am I a 23 year old virgin loser?

Hi I am in a weird situation I'm 23 years old a still a virgin, never had a girlfriend and really have no experience. it might seem strange to those who do not know me well as I'm kind-hearted, honest, good looking, in amazing shape (im ripped), and highly intelligent (a straight A student). On the other hand I lack confidence, am shy and can be very socially awkward.especially when I approach women. I'm worried that when I eventually do get a girlfriend she'll judge me for being a virgin and think I'm some kinda weirdo or something? do you guys think she will and would you have a problem dating someone in my situation?


Most Helpful Girl

  • First. Being buff and ripped has nothing to do with the situation.

    That would be like me dating some mean guy who is buff.

    I don't care how hunky a guy is if he is mean and cold and cocky superficial I won't date him and I've turned guys down like that before. That just isn't me and it certainly won't make me happy.

    Second. There isn't anything wrong with a guy being a virgin at your age. Don't let the media/ other people confuse you about what age people should get rid of their virginity. There is not age limit. Nothing nada zip. Just like I tell everyone else, you are your own person. No one can run you, control your thoughts, feelings, hobbies and whatever you like to do. You wouldn't want to be with someone who tries to make you think like that person would you? No.

    Third. Why would you be with a girl who would criticize you for being a virgin in the first place? Wouldn't that put a stop sign few steps a way from you? That's bad news. It's common sense not to be with a girl who is immature and childish like that.

    Fourth. I think it is incredibly sexy when a guy is a virgin. It says sooooo much about the guy that he has dignity, a good head on his shoulders, he is intelligent, patient understanding and so many good things on different levels. It just says that he can handle being independent that is interested in learning about things that should be learned about instead of living in a life full of sex and lust. It's rediculous.

    Fifth. I'd rather date a virgin then a non virgin. I wouldn't want to sleep with my boyfriend / husband because I'd rather not sleep with the girls who has slept with in that's just nasty.

    Sixth. I know my boyfriend or husband will be a virgin. I will make sure of that.

    Seventh. Two people who are virgins makes the whole experience a learning one plus and exciting and new one. There is definitely a secure connection between virgins. I just couldn't imagine being with a man who isn't a virgin when he'd sleep with me. I wouldn't feel connection and I can't have that and I won't.

    You pretty much get the picture that guy virgins are the greatest and there needs to be more of them. Fuck the stupid shallow bitches who think guyvirgins suck. They're just skank bitches anyway for the most part who don't know how to close their legs.

    • Than* (Type-o)

What Girls Said 39

  • A 23 year old virgin guy. Hmmm.It really depends on the girl as to how she will feel. Lots of girls are virgins in there late teens and even early 20's. If it's one of them, they likely will feel comfortable with you. If it's an experienced girl, you may get a different response.

    I can tell you that it can be difficult in love for a man who lacks confidence. Why do you lack confidence? Have you had bad experiences with girls before? A hot guy who lacks confidence is difficult for many girls to find attractive, as most girls innately want to feel protected by a man. An unattractive guy who has confidence and can easily attract women.

    You either need to teach yourself how to appear confident with women, or figure out the source of your paralyzing fear towards women, and conquer it.

    The next time you have an opportunity to talk to a girl, just allow her to talk. Girls love to talk, so you shouldn't need to worry too much as a guy about what to say to a girl. Most of all, we liked to be heard. A girl will swoon over a really good listener. Occasionally ask her question, so she knows you're listening, and then maybe relate some of what you are saying to what she said. Like,"yea, me too" or," my sister is like that as well.hahaha." Become friends with a girl who you notice notices you. Look a girl in her eyes, even if it kills you. Don't stare her down like a mad man, but just look at her directly. Smile a lot. Laugh a lot. Be direct in your language."I really like you", "you're such a great person/girl." All of these things reek of confidence. If a girl seems to like you, don't focus all of your attention on her unless you've established something together. Pay attention to her, but continue on with your normal life(talking to other girls, and friends,etc) until you have a solid mutual attraction.

    If you want to have sex with a girl, and after you've established a flirting relationship, tell her outright, in a way that you know she will find tasteful.and then.make it happen!

    As for sex.

    It's not that complicated. A woman's clit is usually her path to bliss. Learn about it. The best lovers are those who are not arrogant, and are willing to take the woman's lead-since it's the woman who often doesn't cum. Worship the girl's body. Tell her how beautiful it is. Take her all in don't rush things. Make foreplay exciting by playing dare games or something. Ask her to dare you to do something to her(anything she wants), and then do it like you love it. Make her come at least once, before you try and have sex with her, because as a virgin, you may not last too long. Your penis is usually not going to make a girl cum, don't feel bad, that's the way it is. Your ability to please her will depend on your willingless to listen to what she wants, and do it how she tells you without getting your feelings hurt. Good luck!

  • No, I would not think you are a weirdo and don't think a woman would have a problem dating someone in your situation. I do have an advice thou.I don't know you but based on what you said I think you lack social skills. work on that because that is what is going to get you exposed and hopefully will get you a GF. I have known a lot of guys in your situation and I have noticed a trend in them in that they all tend to be shy and lack social skills, so work on that . there is nothing wrong with being shy, but when you do not know how to behave around people and socialize you will be in disadvantage. so shy is ok but try to work on social skills, did I mention social skill again? :)

  • sigh, why do guys alys call themselves losers if they haven't been laid by a certain age? just go with what you're ocmfortable with. find the right girl to lose it to. that should be the way it should be. I wouldn't judge you for being virgin. actually, I would think it's a good thing to be a virgin. obviously some people dont' have choices, some people aren't virgin by choice and some people regret what they lost later in their life. so dont' be so hard on yourself.

    i have spoken as one representative of the female sex and I said I wouldn't mind dating a guy who is a virgin. it's whether or not he is a good guy and he cares for me, that's the most important thing

  • this is a weird and some may consider it mean, but it's been over a year since you asked this question so I have to ask: are you still a virgin?

  • I do not think that is weird at all... you don't hear that very often but actually waiting can be a good thing. When you do have sex you will probably be nervouse but whatever women gets to have sex with you will have fun and feel privilidged being the first. Also when you do have sex just don't think to much about it that is when you will feel awkard just go with the flow, have somthing to drink and get loose... some women love being in control with sex.

More from Girls

What Guys Said 23

  • Well, guess what, few women in the US are attracted to smart guys. All they want is money. You haven't figured that our yet?

    Go to France or another country where the women are less venal! ONly in the US, I think, could someone like you still be a virgin. Frenchwomen will fight to get you.

  • Short answer: She won't care.

    Long answer: You're not trying. Before you go about finding a girlfriend, go scratch that itch. If you focus your mind, it should take you a week or two.

  • If you are a guy :

    You are a winner, to me at least. You have the brains to keep your virginity.

    Very simple, just ask yourself, if you are a guy :

    1. Would you enjoy your wife's COMPARING you with all her ex-sex-mates ? And does a full length evaluation of you behind your back ? If your wife isn't a virgin, is there anyway for you, or even herself, to prevent her doing that ? Once you have driven two cars, isn't it only natural to compare them, on occasions ?

    2. Would you like to be the only man your wife has ever has sex with ?

    3. Do you enjoy your wife, on occasions after having sex with you, turn around to avoid letting you seeing her face, and engage in some deep thinking ? Even if she turns around and tells you stuffs like you are the best, blah blah blah ...etc. a. how do you feel ?

    Ask the guys you know these questions, face to face is best, and watch their facial expression when they answer them. Don't go for the verbal answers so much... :)

  • An easy way to have confidence in yourself is to know that you are "the shit", think your all that, because as you've said your ripped and good looking. Compare yourself to the other guys around you and notice how much better you are than them but don't put them down or anything literally. This worked for me in a way, I was like you, shy and had no confidence, then I slowly compared myself to other guys and noticed that most of them looked pretty ugly and were out of shape (I look pretty good and have a athletic build, still building it up now). I realized how much better I looked visual than these other guys and that already boosted my confidence, don't make fun of the other guys though.

    After I made that internal change, I noticed girls started to look at me more and found me more attractive. You know how some guys count how many times they get checked out by girls, just last night I got about 4 from different girls that were average to good looking, didn't count the looks I got from girls that I wasn't interested in. Still haven't found the right girl to be my girlfriend though.

    I remember a similar phase like this happening in high school, when I had high confidence during a year, I was one of the top asian guys of my grade to date, so many girls were checking me out. Then a year later, my grades went down, I felt like shit and my friends feeling low for similar reasons made me feel low and my confidence went down, therefore making less girls attracted to me. I also wasn't driving and didn't have a car like some of the other guys, I didn't come from a rich family that bought you a car when you got your license (the school I went to was full of rich kids, I came from a lower middle class family.). Not being able to drive, my confidence went down even more.

    Also when you do get a girlfriend, lie about it, say you first lost it sometime when you were 18 or 19 and you were drunk at a house party. You woke up in the morning in bed with some random girl and that was it. You can tell her the truth later on if you build up more trust and said you didn't want to be embarrassed to tell her that you were a virgin. Or you can say your waiting for someone your going to marry to lose your virginity to.

    The good thing about saying that you lost it at a house party drunk is that you can change it to say you definitely lost it or maybe you lost it. Its the gray area.

  • A. Don't ask her, and don't tell her you're a virgin. Honestly, you're supposed to keep those things confidential anyway.

    B. Find a girl who is a virgin as well.

    C. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you won't like sex. Give it a shot with a new girl.

    • Sense: this post makes none.

      B. is impossible if you adhere to A. Since you're not asking, the only way to find out is to get to a point where it comes up naturally. If you start dumping people because they're not virgins, you'll very quickly build up a terrible reputation.

More from Guys