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Am I a 23 year old virgin loser?

Hi I am in a weird situation I'm 23 years old a still a virgin, never had a girlfriend and really have no experience. it might seem strange to those... Show More

Most Helpful Opinion

  • First. Being buff and ripped has nothing to do with the situation.

    That would be like me dating some mean guy who is buff.

    I don't care how hunky a guy is if he is mean and cold and cocky superficial I won't date him and I've turned guys down like that before. That just isn't me and it certainly won't make me happy.

    Second. There isn't anything wrong with a guy being a virgin at your age. Don't let the media/ other people confuse you about what age people should get rid of their virginity. There is not age limit. Nothing nada zip. Just like I tell everyone else, you are your own person. No one can run you, control your thoughts, feelings, hobbies and whatever you like to do. You wouldn't want to be with someone who tries to make you think like that person would you? No.

    Third. Why would you be with a girl who would criticize you for being a virgin in the first place? Wouldn't that put a stop sign few steps a way from you? That's bad news. It's common sense not to be with a girl who is immature and childish like that.

    Fourth. I think it is incredibly sexy when a guy is a virgin. It says sooooo much about the guy that he has dignity, a good head on his shoulders, he is intelligent, patient understanding and so many good things on different levels. It just says that he can handle being independent that is interested in learning about things that should be learned about instead of living in a life full of sex and lust. It's rediculous.

    Fifth. I'd rather date a virgin then a non virgin. I wouldn't want to sleep with my boyfriend / husband because I'd rather not sleep with the girls who has slept with in that's just nasty.

    Sixth. I know my boyfriend or husband will be a virgin. I will make sure of that.

    Seventh. Two people who are virgins makes the whole experience a learning one plus and exciting and new one. There is definitely a secure connection between virgins. I just couldn't imagine being with a man who isn't a virgin when he'd sleep with me. I wouldn't feel anything.no connection and I can't have that and I won't.

    You pretty much get the picture that guy virgins are the greatest and there needs to be more of them. Fuck the stupid shallow bitches who think guyvirgins suck. They're just skank bitches anyway for the most part who don't know how to close their legs.

    • Than* (Type-o)

What Girls Said 39

  • sigh, why do guys alys call themselves losers if they haven't been laid by a certain age? just go with what you're ocmfortable with. find the right girl to lose it to. that should be the way it should be. I wouldn't judge you for being virgin. actually, I would think it's a good thing to be a virgin. obviously some people dont' have choices, some people aren't virgin by choice and some people regret what they lost later in their life. so dont' be so hard on yourself.

    i have spoken as one representative of the female sex and I said I wouldn't mind dating a guy who is a virgin. it's whether or not he is a good guy and he cares for me, that's the most important thing

  • NOT at all. you sound so cute and so sweet! I know a guy who is 23 and he still a virgin he is so HOt. his just waiting for the right girl !

  • No, I would not think you are a weirdo and don't think a woman would have a problem dating someone in your situation. I do have an advice thou.I don't know you but based on what you said I think you lack social skills. work on that because that is what is going to get you exposed and hopefully will get you a GF. I have known a lot of guys in your situation and I have noticed a trend in them in that they all tend to be shy and lack social skills, so work on that . there is nothing wrong with being shy, but when you do not know how to behave around people and socialize you will be in disadvantage. so shy is ok but try to work on social skills, did I mention social skill again? :)

  • OMG I think that is so cool, if I were ur girlfriend I would feel so special because by ur waiting it clearly is important to you and the fact that you would have chosen me would make me so special so I don't think you have anything at all to worry about...

  • no, she might en think it's sweet. it;s way better than dating a guy who has slept with lots of girls. guys might think it's weird but girls wont.

  • No, you're actually a really lucky bloke. To still be a virgin at 23 is good - means that you will have more chance of getting someone who cares about you. Go you!

  • its a good thing becuz you ain't a manwhore like some other s**t out there

  • this is a weird and some may consider it mean, but it's been over a year since you asked this question so I have to ask: are you still a virgin?

  • Lol you sound like my brother :) Its a good thing your a virgin because a lot of ladies do look for virgins, I know my sister does.

    My advice go join a group in your interests/hobbies and you'll meet someone, plus itll help battle shyness :)

  • You know, don't worry. I'm 21 and still a virgin. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I think the majority of girls would be quite relieved or not even bothered to discover that you hadn't had sex. If she had a problem with it, then you shouldn't be dating her. I think it's no big deal.

  • no way not wierd! girls will love u!

  • There is nothing to be ashamed about just because you are a guy I think that it great

    as far as being shy.well you can try breaking out of your shell by innocent flirting with random girls. If you meet someone in a club you know you are not taking them home a little bold flirting won't hurt even if you turn beat red and break out in hives once you cross that bridge you'll realize that you had nothing to worry about. I mean even if a girl says no what's the big deal it's not like she is telling you to drop dead. Rejection is a normal part of life you will never get over it if you don't experience it. And if she does say no its her loss not yours.

  • I do not think that is weird at all... you don't hear that very often but actually waiting can be a good thing. When you do have sex you will probably be nervouse but whatever women gets to have sex with you will have fun and feel privilidged being the first. Also when you do have sex just don't think to much about it that is when you will feel awkard just go with the flow, have somthing to drink and get loose... some women love being in control with sex.

  • I would personally think that's really cool. I've held conversations with all of my girl friends about this topic and they either think it's cute, or that it's special. It's rare to find someone who is A virgin at an older age, and that fact that you are one isn't A bad thing.

  • be a virgin loser still is really good my dear you will see how life will pay you. don't be a sexy pretty boy with aids. I will recommend you to focus on your studies and when you done try to focus on girls ok but my dear you will found a lot of deceptions.test before having sex with her and go with her.listen to me my dear I'm a non virgin single woman singe 7 years single and I don't have that much experience. and sex is not experience you learn,play,and fell.

  • OMG. my dream is to find a guy like that.So cute. I don't see anything wrong.

    when you have a girlfriend you will explore each angle of your sexuality.just be curious when you find somebody and try everything.

    PS: I would love to get to know you.

  • Find a lady friend to help you build up your confidence! Or you can do little things by overcoming your shyness by simply asking a random girl if you could borrow a pencil, ask for directions, time, etc. (be sure to smile and say thank you!) then move up by having actual conversations.

    Also, the best sex I had was with a 20-year-old virgin. Why? Some men tend to think they're the shit in bed (when they're really not) only to ruin it by setting women's expectations too high. Not all girls like to be touched or spoken to the same way! The guy I slept with wanted to know where I liked to be touched, how hard/fast I wanted it, and LOVED to please.

    Women will NOT judge you for being a virgin but women do love men who are confident (not cocky!).

  • hell no if you have got everything going for you that you say you do. in reality most people don't really care if the person they like is a virgin or not. because if they do I'm a loser to :)

  • never had a girlfriend? wow, well based on how you described yourself, I would date you if its any consolation

  • First off, I'm a 22 year old Virgin and there is nothing wrong with still being one. In fact you should be proud of your self, its an amazing to want to save your self for one person alone. The girl you choose to give your self too should feel honored, and if she doesn't then she most likely just wants sex from you in general.

    Best of luck! Keep it up too, guys like you or a rare thing.

  • your not weird am in the same spot as you am hot and sexy but never had a real relation w a guy because when they hear that am a virgin all they want to do is have sex and am not willing to sleep w ne1 that not right for me so keep our head I no I am

  • No, I don't think she will judge you. It will actually probably be a turn on. You could tell her the truth and ask for guidance on how to please her. Women love that. Also, don't get your moves and techniques from pornos. That is absolutely not how a woman wants to make love.

  • You would be so fun to play with, as you are new to it all. I don't think its a bad thing, you will get your time sooner or later. I wouldn't worry too much.

  • You are most certainly NOT a loser! I actually happened upon your question because I was wondering if I was alone in the world too. I just got out of a 7 year relationship and I am a virgin too. I am terrified of dating again because I know it isn't the most common thing nowadays. In fact, I would love to find a guy out there, my age, who is too. The whole virgin thing doesn't necessarilly have to be determined by how appealing you are to the other sex. It simply means that you have standards and understand there is more to a relationship than just the physical stuff. I can only see that as an attractive quality for a guy to have. If a girl thinks your a weirdo because you are in the habit of behaving responsibly, dump her immediately and call me lol j/k. But seriouslly, keep doing what you are doing, you will make some girl who is really worth it very happy someday. Just be patient.

  • A 23 year old virgin guy. Hmmm.It really depends on the girl as to how she will feel. Lots of girls are virgins in there late teens and even early 20's. If it's one of them, they likely will feel comfortable with you. If it's an experienced girl, you may get a different response.

    I can tell you that it can be difficult in love for a man who lacks confidence. Why do you lack confidence? Have you had bad experiences with girls before? A hot guy who lacks confidence is difficult for many girls to find attractive, as most girls innately want to feel protected by a man. An unattractive guy who has confidence and can easily attract women.

    You either need to teach yourself how to appear confident with women, or figure out the source of your paralyzing fear towards women, and conquer it.

    The next time you have an opportunity to talk to a girl, just allow her to talk. Girls love to talk, so you shouldn't need to worry too much as a guy about what to say to a girl. Most of all, we liked to be heard. A girl will swoon over a really good listener. Occasionally ask her question, so she knows you're listening, and then maybe relate some of what you are saying to what she said. Like,"yea, me too" or," my sister is like that as well.hahaha." Become friends with a girl who you notice notices you. Look a girl in her eyes, even if it kills you. Don't stare her down like a mad man, but just look at her directly. Smile a lot. Laugh a lot. Be direct in your language."I really like you", "you're such a great person/girl." All of these things reek of confidence. If a girl seems to like you, don't focus all of your attention on her unless you've established something together. Pay attention to her, but continue on with your normal life(talking to other girls, and friends,etc) until you have a solid mutual attraction.

    If you want to have sex with a girl, and after you've established a flirting relationship, tell her outright, in a way that you know she will find tasteful.and then.make it happen!

    As for sex.

    It's not that complicated. A woman's clit is usually her path to bliss. Learn about it. The best lovers are those who are not arrogant, and are willing to take the woman's lead-since it's the woman who often doesn't cum. Worship the girl's body. Tell her how beautiful it is. Take her all in don't rush things. Make foreplay exciting by playing dare games or something. Ask her to dare you to do something to her(anything she wants), and then do it like you love it. Make her come at least once, before you try and have sex with her, because as a virgin, you may not last too long. Your penis is usually not going to make a girl cum, don't feel bad, that's the way it is. Your ability to please her will depend on your willingless to listen to what she wants, and do it how she tells you without getting your feelings hurt. Good luck!

  • Find a girl who is looking for a relationship. A girl who wants a relationship will not be turned off by your virginity. They will only be worried that you won't want to stay with them because you'll want to experience other women. There's also girls who are only interested in hookups--if you want to lose your virginity that way, you'd better not tell them you're a virgin. They may feel guilty taking your virginity, unless they're "virginity collectors". I do think you have a chance, though. I'm 19 and just last year I hooked up with a virgin. I had real feelings for him too, it just never worked out because he got weird. (the reason he was a virgin, incidentally, was that he was really immature)

  • I expected you to say you were fat or ugly.

    Lol not ripped and HOT!

    Anyway, girls love virgins.

    I personally don't mind them.

    I'd love to take a guys virginity!

    That's not dorky to me at all.

  • dude, I wish there were MORE male virgins. I'm almost 21 and still a virgin. no boyfriend or anything. I'm not hot, but I'm pretty damn cute, haha. I wouldn't judge you and none of my friends, virgins or not, would either. the innocent thing is cute, in our opinion and the women on here all agree =D

  • Girls won't be weirded out by dating a 23-year-old virgin. A lot of people (boys and girls) don't have sex until ages after-- I know a couple of guys who are 25-26 who've never had sex. It's not a bad thing and anyone who thinks that isn't someone to be respected.

    Why would you lack confidence if you are all those things? If you can't think of anything to say to girls, then at least smile, and tell them "I'm sorry [that you're being so quiet/awkward], I'm kind of shy, you're so beautiful" and you should be good to go. Otherwise, just keep asking them questions-- everyone loves talking about themselves. It saves you from talking!

  • Sometimes its cute to be shy, but if you are to shy then a girl may mistake it as self-centered. It is normal to be shy. Maybe it's still not your time to blossom if you are that shy. You do need to work on it tho.You will gain the confidence slowly but surly. Good luck.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Well, guess what, few women in the US are attracted to smart guys. All they want is money. You haven't figured that our yet?

    Go to France or another country where the women are less venal! ONly in the US, I think, could someone like you still be a virgin. Frenchwomen will fight to get you.

  • Short answer: She won't care.

    Long answer: You're not trying. Before you go about finding a girlfriend, go scratch that itch. If you focus your mind, it should take you a week or two.

  • Virginity is not a definition of anything other than character and personal choice. You are not a loser.

  • I'm 21, still a virgin, never had a girlfriend.

  • If you are a guy :

    You are a winner, to me at least. You have the brains to keep your virginity.

    Very simple, just ask yourself, if you are a guy :

    1. Would you enjoy your wife's COMPARING you with all her ex-sex-mates ? And does a full length evaluation of you behind your back ? If your wife isn't a virgin, is there anyway for you, or even herself, to prevent her doing that ? Once you have driven two cars, isn't it only natural to compare them, on occasions ?

    2. Would you like to be the only man your wife has ever has sex with ?

    3. Do you enjoy your wife, on occasions after having sex with you, turn around to avoid letting you seeing her face, and engage in some deep thinking ? Even if she turns around and tells you stuffs like you are the best, blah blah blah ...etc. a. how do you feel ?

    Ask the guys you know these questions, face to face is best, and watch their facial expression when they answer them. Don't go for the verbal answers so much... :)

  • Just give up, dude.. or start studying how to get better with women instead of studying for your next Biology quiz

  • An easy way to have confidence in yourself is to know that you are "the shit", think your all that, because as you've said your ripped and good looking. Compare yourself to the other guys around you and notice how much better you are than them but don't put them down or anything literally. This worked for me in a way, I was like you, shy and had no confidence, then I slowly compared myself to other guys and noticed that most of them looked pretty ugly and were out of shape (I look pretty good and have a athletic build, still building it up now). I realized how much better I looked visual than these other guys and that already boosted my confidence, don't make fun of the other guys though.

    After I made that internal change, I noticed girls started to look at me more and found me more attractive. You know how some guys count how many times they get checked out by girls, just last night I got about 4 from different girls that were average to good looking, didn't count the looks I got from girls that I wasn't interested in. Still haven't found the right girl to be my girlfriend though.

    I remember a similar phase like this happening in high school, when I had high confidence during a year, I was one of the top asian guys of my grade to date, so many girls were checking me out. Then a year later, my grades went down, I felt like shit and my friends feeling low for similar reasons made me feel low and my confidence went down, therefore making less girls attracted to me. I also wasn't driving and didn't have a car like some of the other guys, I didn't come from a rich family that bought you a car when you got your license (the school I went to was full of rich kids, I came from a lower middle class family.). Not being able to drive, my confidence went down even more.

    Also when you do get a girlfriend, lie about it, say you first lost it sometime when you were 18 or 19 and you were drunk at a house party. You woke up in the morning in bed with some random girl and that was it. You can tell her the truth later on if you build up more trust and said you didn't want to be embarrassed to tell her that you were a virgin. Or you can say your waiting for someone your going to marry to lose your virginity to.

    The good thing about saying that you lost it at a house party drunk is that you can change it to say you definitely lost it or maybe you lost it. Its the gray area.

  • I know a couple girls that think being a virgin is hot. They're always on the lookout for a virgin haha. Don't be overly nice, but not a jerk either. And just talk to them. The worst a girl can do is tell you to leave her alone, at which point you just go about your life, even if it does feel like crap for a minute.

  • A. Don't ask her, and don't tell her you're a virgin. Honestly, you're supposed to keep those things confidential anyway.

    B. Find a girl who is a virgin as well.

    C. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you won't like sex. Give it a shot with a new girl.

    • Sense: this post makes none.

      B. is impossible if you adhere to A. Since you're not asking, the only way to find out is to get to a point where it comes up naturally. If you start dumping people because they're not virgins, you'll very quickly build up a terrible reputation.

  • dont be shy and shy is disease just like Sylvester Stallone said on Rocky 1 ;)

  • Dude I am in the same boat, except I am not highly intelligent or good looking, but I am honest, very nice, I am decent looking I guess, I am funny, not everything you list though. I am terrible with talking with girls though, I always end up in the "friend zone." I felt that I will never lose my virginity, but after reading this it gives me new hope. I mean I have had my chances, but I was waiting for the right girl, now I am just anxious to get it over with! Does anyone have advice for me?

    • I am also 23.

  • I was in the same boat a year ago. The best thing for you to do is forget about how anyone thinks about it. Knowing what they think won't help your situation. It'll only hurt your confidence. Just get out there and meet people. You don't even have to tell them, but if you do tell a girl your really into it would help.

  • well for starters there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, since you seem to lack confidence you should find someone outgoing. if you have no confidence at all then you gotta at least act like you have some in front of a girl your interested in, the key point here is to keep her interested which isn't hard if she really likes you too and as far as confidence thing is concerned girls are people to and may just well be as nervous as you

  • Dude! are you serious? You're anything but a loser so snap out of it. I'll keep it simple. They say "Do what you love well and the money will come". Well, this applies to people as well. Keep kicking ass in school, do well, and the women will notice you. Not only that, it will be the good ones.

  • dude don't call yourself a loser that means you may have low self esteem which girls hate.

    keep your head up and be confident. try talking to woman on msn or online first than you can get the hang of it then you will be more comfortable with them. you sound like you have all the tools just practice practice practice and you will be fine. Even try interacting with girls you know like close friends or family and you will know how to act around girls and at first always have a confident wingman even if your not trying to pick up a girl just in case

  • being a virgin jsut means that your waiting for the right person at hthe right time

    virginity is something to take sriously don't jsut give it away wait a while for that special person

  • Here's a thought. Don't tell her your a virgin. Hell that's the good thing about being a guy. No hymen to snitch on us.

    • Really? Do you plan on giving girls your STDS in that manner too? Grow up.

    • The hymen can be broken by vigorous exercise, injury, or just random accident. Additionally, women aren't all alike, and while some have fragile hymens, others have flexible ones that can withstand the stresses of sex without breaking. Add to that the fact that you really have to know what to look for to see a broken hymen, it's not a solid sheet when it's intact, and varies in size down to total absence.

  • girls don't like virgins. people are just being nice on here. I would recommend just losing it. more girls will approach you then.

    • Do you realize the paradox of your statement?

      How is one ever supposed to lose one's virginity if virgins are undesirable partners?

    • Like I did. don't tell her. there are tones of girls looking for a one night stand. find one you like treat her good and things will fly by

  • do you still need an answer to your question as I think I might be able to help you out. Reply if you would like me to help you

  • Hi, I do not think you are a weirdo looser. I'm in the same situation as you: a 23 year old, quite fit and smart although shy, guy.

  • Hay buddy, I am in the same boat your in and probably feel the same way too. I am also a 23 year old virgin and sometimes I do feel like a looser. It is important that we stop thinking like this. I know it's hard but be strong and have confidence. There are things that can help you out for meeting woman and which I am trying now, for example David Deangelo E-books, which I recommend. One thing man stop acting NEEDY and wanting it so bad, be PATIENT it will come. Learn about woman and how to talk and attract woman. I wish you the best.

    Your friend,


  • The best thing you can do right now is stop worrying about losing your virginity, and just develop some platonic friendships with women. Don't be picky or limit it to girls you might be attracted to - just make some friends and hang out with them, whether in groups or one-on-one. This will get you comfortable around women and you'll learn what makes them tick. Interacting with a girl will become less of a stressful/awkward situation and more like something you're used to doing. You'll start seeming like a confident guy, which girls like regardless of how experienced you are.

    You also might want to consider not waiting for a "girlfriend" - waiting to fall in love before you have sex is great if you're lucky enough to meet the right person at the right time, but you could keep your options open. If you have female friends, they will probably take it upon themselves to make sure you meet some of their friends, and they might even know a girl who is in the same situation as you.

    I lost my virginity at 23. I found a girlfriend and got all worked up about the same question you are asking, what would she think? I told her and it turned out she was a virgin too. Being honest about it, whether the girl is a virgin or not, is the way to go. And any girl who is worth spending time with, or sleeping with, won't judge you for it.

  • Dude, you are not alone, I too and a 23 year old virgin (male). And I can say it has driven me insane to the point where I feel that I am un-repairable. My first (and only) "kiss" was when I was 8 and I had 1 "girlfriend" in high school for about 2 weeks before that went out the window. I have been reading internet stuff how get women attracted to you and all that crap and it just depresses me more. So when I do go out I drink some liquid confidence, think about what all this crap I'v been reading tells me, then as if through a third person perspective watching myself fail at it and get p*ssed. And then I drink too much liquid confidence which then makes you exactly what all the books warn you about. My only advice to you my friend is, dress nice. for no reason at all what so ever. Eventually women will walk up to you and be like "what's the occasion?". better yet go out with a group of people dressed up for no reason at all. good luck.

    I read about half of the responses from you ladies out there and I just have to say. If you think 23 y/o virgins are cute that is just maniacal. Men and Women are wired completely different. To us men we see this as failure, as if we "lost the football game" or something ridiculous like that. Men are extremely competitive and need that competitive feeling, be it from sports, video games, arguments, whatever. So when this happens to us we see it "losing" or being a "loser" because every other guy out there talks it up as "scoring", so when we don't score, no score = losing in our minds.

    Yes, ideally I would love to meet a girl around my age who is also a virgin. In fact, that would be worth the years of anger and solus I went/going through. But it will never happen because it's some sick fantasy for all you women. And in my observations women "settle" or stay with people because they see it better then being alone. So stay with those boyfriends that treat you like dirt. That way you will never get your mid-late 20's virgin fantasy because no one at that age has any confidence left to intervene and probably sees it as "well maybe this is just a bad day" or some other asinine excuse. Last time I said something to a guy that I thought was mistreating a girl, I got a mean look, a thank you and got to watch them walk away holding hands.

    Best Wishes to you dude, and good luck ladies with those fantasies. You can only disappoint yourselves

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