Why do men like hardcore, kinky p*rn?

[Anonymous]

i've been dating my boyfriend whose older than me by six years (im 20) and he looks at p*rn, which I'm totally aware of, however, I've learnt that he enjoys p*rn kinky hardcore stuff, which suprises me as he is such a caring lover in bed and won't ever do something out of the ordinary, but he looks at p*rn of young girls/teen/women, being bondaged and abused by men, there were clips of boys raping a school girl, then a video of a father having sex with his pre teen daughter, and a few other hectic stuff, of women being forced into sex, basically the titles were all referred to as abuse p*rn...its really taken me back and don't seem to understand why my boyfriend looks at stuff like this, is it a fantasy, does it turn him on seeing women/girls being abused? should I say something to him, or be concerned about the fact that he is into that kind of sex, it just doesn't seem like him, as he's never said or meantioned stuff like this before...it really freaks me as I've seen a side to him I never knew existed and how do I know, he won't act onto that sort of stuff, should it come his way? I've noticed all the girls he's dated (include myself) have always been a lot younger than him, all petitie, built like little girls...could that mean he's into really young girls and he's therefore highly attracted to woman that look like young teen girls? and I know he was with a girl who was 16 and he was 25 and it seems like he has this hectic attraction towards very young looking girls...what could cause this? does it make him feel in control or is he just 'sick' to look at stuff like that?

[queenofpeen]

I don't think you should worry. I used to watch that kind of p*rn (even the sicker incest stuff), but that didn't mean I would actually be into a real-life situation like that. I would never like REAL abuse. I think what probably turns him on about it is the combination of dominance AND taboo.

However, I do think that you should say something about it to him, not in a "confronting" way, just a curious way. Knowing his side of it will probably ease your worries. Communication is always better than going crazy wondering what he might be thinking. It might make him embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk about it, so if you do mention it to him, try to be understanding instead of making him think it's a big deal.

[Asker]

Thanks :)) but how do I say something about this? cause the first time I asked him if he's attracted to teenaged girls as he looks at most teen p*rn he got upset and defensive, I told him he can look at p*rn when I'm not around but he didn't expect me to find out what kind of p*rn he was looking at...he says he's open minded and doesn't mean he's into teen girls but it sometimes feelsl like he is highly into them...cause they young and can be 'controlled'

[queenofpeen]

Well, it's easy to understand why he'd get defensive, seeing as p*rn-viewing is a very private thing, haha. It's kind of an invasion of privacy to know exactly what he's looking at. I think I'd just say something like, "My curiosity is driving me crazy, what turns you on about that type of p*rn? I'm not mad, I just want to understand. Is it because it's a taboo?" Trying to be open about it might encourage HIM to be open and honest.

[Asker]

thanks I get you...but I don't know if I can even mention this to him, cause I know he'll get upset and he will never share that stuff with me, or be open with me about that, cause he knows how I'll react, so he keeps it to himself, hoping I won't find out, however, he doesn't hide it either, cause if he was, he would've deleted all evidence

[queenofpeen]

Yeah, you know him better than I do, ha ha :) I hope you find a way to feel better about it, I totally understand your concern.

[sourpatchchik2]

Who says it's just guys? I like it too, a lot of girls do.:P

Here's the thing: It's p*rn. Porn=fake=not real life.

A lot of people have fantasies and a lot of fantasies are never acted on. So just forget about it.

[NessielaKee]

My opinion changed when I read the last part of your summary.

I mean, it's totally normal if he's into kinky p*rn but him acting on it in real life (pursuing younger, petite girls) gives me a red light.

[sixstring]

I think of all us sometimes have very dark fantasies. Or maybe not so dark but things that are socially unacceptable. It's just fantasies, something you don't want to act on in real life. It's like shooting guys in videogames, where people indulge their violent fantasies.

And men like being dominating.

So I wouldn't worry about it. If he had psychopathic tendencies like this in real life they would have surfaced somehow by now.

[taster]

I will admit to you that the content of that p*rn is a little disturbing to me...but if he is really like that..then there will be other sign posts...cruelty towards animals is one that you ALWAYS want to be alert for...if you see that in him..flee for your life...

[Asker]

Thanks :)) its the first time, as I'm aware of, that he's actually looked at that type of p*rn, he doesn't look at p*rn too often, unless I'm gone for weeks...he's such a gentle person and has never lifted his hands to me either...it does bother me...but what sign posts will there be though? Abuse like? As in violent?

[KarKingJack]

'Other hectic stuff'

Where are you from? I'll answer your question if you tell me, 'cos I always thought saying hectic in that way was vernacular to where I live...

[Asker]

From England why?

[KarKingJack]

Ohhh. So its a british saying? Cool. Anyway, uh... Well, my answer is; everyone gets off on stuff they wouldn't necessarily do, you know, its like your mind can take you to further extremes than your body. He wouldn't do most of that stuff with you because he knows you would be upset by it annnd he perhaps has moral convictions against treating you like that. But he still thinks its hot as sh*t. Its nothing on him, or on you for that matter. Don't worry about it, could be worse. Could be shot.

[KarKingJack]

Everyone seems to have a very similar answer, too. Don't worry about the molestation stuff. I mean, yeah its a big thing for the people that're going through it, but its a sexual act in the end, and someone is gonna get off on that idea. You don't know he's empathising with the father, anyway. I mean there's a whole psychology behind that, and its not coming from sociopathy or anything.

[Asker]

Lol I doubt its a British saying, its a word I picked up from my South African friends when talking about 'hectic' stuff hehe...thanks for the advice though

[KarKingJack]

Haha serious? So its actually world wide? Crazy

[DocClassic]

its just a dominance thing that gets him off, he won't act on it

[DiamondKutt]

Everyone has a fantasy.

[Asker]

True but if you were married and your husband's fantasy was watching a father have sex with his pre teen daughter, wouldn't that worry you? fantasies are kewl, but not as far as abuse...

[DiamondKutt]

Well if it bothers you, then have a discussion with him about it. I can't really tell you what's going on in his mind so I guess this is something that you have to figure out on your own. If you think it's more serious than it is, you can always go to couple's counseling to sort out the problem with someone professional.

[Asker]

Thanks :)) guess I need to keep an eye on it

[DiamondKutt]

no problem :] good luck with your relationship.

[Ghibli]

It depends on the man, their are all different types of porn, some p*rn can be only just regular soft sex.

[taster]

I suppose that I am naive..I like lesbian p*rn and anything to do with females peeing...because that is what I like...I skip everything else...d***s, rough, anal, orgies..none of it interests me...

[05Jueey]

Hard to say

[Anonymous]

because women are sex objects now more then ever

[Asker]

its bullsh*t...i just worry as I know of someone who was sexually molested by her father and it does raise a concern, if he's liking stuff like that