Is it wrong that I am avoiding telling my boyfriend that I'm waiting until marriage to have sex ?

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few weeks, we are both virgins but I know for a fact that he dose not plan to wait until marriage, but I am. He has not said anything to me directly that he wants me to have sex with him, but we have started to go farther as we are making out, not super far, but starting to dabble in second base. I'm afraid to tell him because I know he will leave, and I hope that maybe if we have been going out for a while when he finds out, he might stay. I know some people will say that if he loved me he would stay. And I believe that, but I want to make sure that he is really committed and really loves me before I tell him. As far as he knows we are taking things slow, but I know a lot of teenage guys expect once they get a girlfriend, they will get laid. So /I already know he may leave, and a lot of guys won't stay with someone staying a virgin, but my question is, is it wrong that I am trying to delay as much as possible telling him that I want to wait until I am married. If you were a guy, and you found this out far a long in a relationship, how would you feel? Girls, if you were in my place how would you tackle it, regardless if you agree with me or not or if you are waiting, how would you deal? Please help me, I feel bad but I'm not ready to give him up just yet.

Is there any chance at all that he will not leave when I tell him?
* a resonable chance


Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't make yourself feel bad or guilty for not saying anything so far.

    Don't give up your values either.

    You should feel fine to enjoy whatever you do with your boyfriend...and if you haven't reached the stage of going all the way (and you want to wait for marriage) that 'is fine. If it is so important to him, he will probably try to approach the subject sooner or later anyway...either talking or by trying things with you.

    So you could just bring it up and tell him, or you could wait until you're near to that stage to start talking about it.

    I don't think that is dishonest. To me, that's just taking a relationship step by step.

    If he just wants sex, it would be clear that is his priority a lot sooner.

    Also, I've heard of guys being OK with your values if they really want to be with you.

    Other guys might also like you a lot but they just can't accept the idea of not having sex.

    So, there is a chance he would not leave, but it all depends on him and what he's looking for.

    Overall, don't worry about that. Don't allow yourself to feel bad about waiting! I have found that once guys mature they do appreciate a woman with values or who doesn't sleep around. And regadless of what a guy with think, you have to feel comfortable with your own self, and if you feel better waiting, then that's the bottom line. There are good guys, so if your boyfriend doesn't understand this, you will meet another great guy.

    Good luck


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What Guys Said 5

  • Tell him and don't give up your values. If he's only in a relationship to get sex, then waiting will only hurt you. I'd be careful how physical you are, 'cause it can be really dangerous.. I know.. I almost didn't save myself. (same idea, I want to wait.)

  • You really should tell him soon. If you don't and he starts pushing it, he will either cheat on you or he may try to force himself on you. He may leave you, but it's best to get it over with if that's the case. Yes, if he loves you he will stay, but I don't think a lot of people around your age really know what love is.

    Way to stand by your values. Don't let anyone belittle you for that.

  • Yeah? =P

    • there's a good chance he'll be willing to accept your values, or at the least hope he can convince you against them in the future. =P

  • It is wrong/selfish just tell him, but you don't have to give up your values just because you feel pressured, but you're also morally obligated to share this with your boyfriend its very selfish just to keep it from him just because your afraid he'll leave you.

  • you should mention it sometime sooner than later, I know I'd appreciate it


What Girls Said 1

  • yes I think its wrong because its good to be stright up with the people that your dating... tell them everything up front first off so he dnt feel l ike your lying to him and hideing things it can come back to bite you in the ass one day

    • I'm not lieing because I never said I was not waiting until marriage, I just said nothing on the topic.

    • Show All
    • "Not all Knights in shining armor can make your dreams come true" - Alesana

    • hun if he's not willing to wait until your ready, then he's not worth your time.. your frist time should be something that you will always remember as a good expirence not something you regret and rather forget... you can add me as a friend if you ever want to talk.. trust me hun I'm a single mom and I love my daughter but I wish I would have waited until I found Mr. right.