Freaked out after sex, did I ruin it?

[marshmallowqn321]

Met a guy who was literally perfect... too perfect. We had a great first date, and he proceeded to text me twice the next day and every day after. He was clearly overly excited for our next date- admitting he bought a new shirt for it and was excited all week long. Our second date went well...but we went too far sexually and I freaked out because I am not the type to sleep with someone on the second date and didn't want to give him the wrong impression. I then got quite distant the rest of the night, and teased him about buying a shirt and was just a bit cold. He didn't text me hardly at all the next week, and I wrote him saying I wanted to make it up to him. I hung out with him, paid for tons of drinks and stuff- put a lot of effort in but he was really cold to me. I kept teasing him about being mad, and was really sweet. We hooked up, and this time I tried to "spoil" him with ahem ... physical attention. And lots of it. He can only hang out once a week since he works 6 days a week, and I've seen him three Saturdays in a row. I wanted him to stay at my place after the third date but he had errands to run as it being his only day off. He said he had to go, but then kept sitting down and talking for 30 min or so. He did this like 4 times, and didn't leave til 1:30 or so. But now he hasn't texted me at all, and its Wednesday. I guess he was just amazingly perfect and into me and I freaked out, and since then he's been distant and cold. I don't even know if he likes me anymore, but don't want to come across as desperate or clingy. Should I text him? What should I do? I already apologized and told him I was stressed about school and stuff. Please no "he thinks you're a slut" comments- genuine advice appreciated.

[cainetheliving]

I wouldn't over do it with apologies and such. Try just talking to him like you did before you guys go sexually. Don't push sex to make it up to him and don't shy away unless you genuinely want to. Just try to have fun with him and if he keeps being distant I don't think it would be beyond acceptable to say "Hey look I have noticed you are being overly distant and I just wanted to ask if everything was OK I know that first time kind of threw things off but I want things to go good between us and I am trying to understand how you are feeling." and if he blows it off as nothing being wrong then take it as nothing is wrong and just act normal. If he continues to be overly distant and it is bothersome then realize that is just how he is going to be and that probably isn't the right guy to be with.. by then he is either not interested or playing a lot crap and you don't want that you can find someone else not playing that. Hopefully just being normal and then open with him will warm him up and if nothing else maybe he will just come clean and let things progress.

Good luck.

[kheserthorpe]

If I've understood things properly, you overcame the initial mishap.

Have you been texting him and he's not answering? Or are you both being silent.

You've been together a while and slept together a bunch of times. YOu can text him first, just don't bombard him.

[The_Supid_Genius]

Well, if he did a 3rd date maybe everything's cool. Kind of sounds like he's had a change of heart, which can happen. You guys only went out a few times.

If a guy is REALLY into you he will contact you plenty, I assure you.

[The_Supid_Genius]

He'd think you're a slut if you slept with him the first night. The second night is fair game in a guy's world...at least in the circles I run in. I'd leave him be. Sounds like you botched it.

[marshmallowqn321]

He still responds very friendly to texts... and why would he have agreed to a third date and kept sticking around after the third date if he I ruined the second date? Honest opinion please :)

[Aries11w]

You freaked out because he was too keen and friendly, maybe he's trying to take a step back and play harder to get thinking that's what you want and so he doesn't get hurt again. To stop this vicious cycle text him, if he responds meet up and have an adult coversation about what has happened to stop the game playing.

[ROTFLMFAO]

You made fun of him for buying a new shirt (for you) and you expect him to stay friendly? You played with his feelings/crushed his ego (even though he was being nice to you). He made one mistake. He gave you too much attention in the beginning. You made one mistake. You ruined your relationship by ridiculing him.

[marshmallowqn321]

can I make it up to him? :( should I contact him?

[ROTFLMFAO]

Don't be too pushy/clingy. He's probably cold and distant because he doesn't want to come across as desperate and needy/doesn't want to get made fun of by the girl he likes. Let him know that you like him, but don't overdo it.

[Anonymous]

This is why guys shouldn't be overly nice to girls on a first date or second date or anything like that.

They don't respect it. They don't respect you. They will insult you and sh*t all over you.

They can't help themselves.

Be nice or worse be perfect and you'll just get f***ed over.