If he wants a threesome, does that mean he doesn't love me?

My boyfriend really wants to have a threesome. He tells me he loves me and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. He is sweet to me and is basically wonderful to me, but lately he's been talking a lot about having a threesome. He's never had one before (and neither have I), but I'm not attracted to women, and I would get sooo jealous if we ever had one! I told him I'd be willing to do anything else, but he seems really stuck on this. I don't know if it's a deal-breaker or not, because he told me he thinks I will want to someday. I told him that it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, and he says that it doesn't mean that at all, just that it looks like it would be fun, and that it's every guy's fantasy. What should I do? is there any way to compromise? and should I be offended by this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a fantasy, but I don't think he's really serious about your relationship.

    Tell him, "yeah, let's have a 3some...with a guy" haha.

    Hey it's a 3some and that's what he wants.lol.

    And if you feel like that would get you jealous, don't do it. I have a sort of 3some before and I didn't really like it because my boyfriend went off and asked my friend for more sexual favors while he was "drunk" supposedly. With a guy you surely wouldn't get jealous because you already know that you like this guy, right? But you are not sure if he feels the same about you or if he'd end up wanting to do more with this other girl. That's how I felt, and that's where jealously comes into play.

    And if he's saying that you will want to someday, then do it that someday! haha not now.

    It's like I want to have sex someday, (saving for marriage I decided =]), but I'm not ready now so I'm not going to now and I will when my day comes.

    I wouldn't be offended, but take a step back...

    Seriously mention doing it if its with another guy! (so you won't have to worry about jealous)

    -I repeated some stuff, sorry =P

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What Guys Said 12

  • Most kinks are not interchangeable. If a person is a bondage freak only, offering to spank them is not only annoying, but a little unkind. ("Since you're NOT going to get what you want, here's what you'll have to settle for."

    You need to find out whether the threesome is a deal-breaker for him. If it is, you have a tough choice to make: suck it up, "don't ask, don't tell", or dump him.

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  • Yes, that means he DOESN'T love you, and if he's told you that he loves you he just likes to hear himself talk and feels his talk might convince you to consent to a threesome. You should say NO with an exclamation point! If he wants other girls or wants to try to get you on girls please show him the door. Forget the guy's fantasy crap! That's crap and only guys that have their heads on crooked think like that. Yes you should be offended by this especially if you've thought right along that this man has sweet talked into believing that he loves you.

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  • don't be offended... this is pretty common it is a very popular male fantasy and he probably thinks it is really hot to have 2 girls at one time... its not that your are performing bad sexually or that he doesn't love you. its just he thinks this is taking it to another level basically. I have had a threesome before and its basically the same.. guys think with their penis' don't forget that.

    fun fact: guys think about something sexual at least once every 4 mins

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    • Actually 30 seconds xD unless were concentrating HAAAAAARRRD on something else

  • inviting a third person into bed is a big deal. you're offended and shocked and irritated, but the fact that you're turning to internet advice makes me wonder if you're really insecure.

    stop worrying about feelings. worry about behavior.

    I suggest you reclaim some power in this relationship. Next time your guy brings up the threesome, tell him firmly that you said no, and tell him that you're not sure if he's boyfriend material because he has no respect for your boundaries and expectations. don't say it as a threat, make it sound as of you like him but can also live without him.

    this guy sounds like a brat to me.

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    • Your on this site too. are you insecure? probably considering your old

  • He's just interested in something sexual and he has been open and honest and brought it to you. I would take this as complement. He trusts you enough to be straight about his interests.

    For what it's worth, I have done threesomes with my girlfriends and it was a lot of fun that we got to have together. I never left a lover for someone else we had sex with and the only impact it had in regard to her was that I developed more respect for her because she was willing to stretch her comfort a little and try something that made her nervous and jealous.

    The compromise might be: Ok, I want a threesome with two guys first. Or I want to try a little bondage or whatever sexual interest you might have to try out.

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What Girls Said 21

  • Ask him how HE would feel if you wanted to have a threesome (him and another guy).

    Oh and to answer your question, he really loves you. We all have fantasies, and a threesome is a popular one.

    PS -- Now you have an idea of what to give him for valentines day :) Just kidding :p

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  • It might be a deal breaker for you. Don't compromise yourself on his behalf or you will beat yourself up over it later if the relationship ends.

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  • I do not think that he can honestly love you if he has wishes of sharing something that intimate with another woman. It is not every guys fantasy, I know a couple of guys that could care less about having a threesome with two girls or not. He is constantly bringing it up although you said no, I think that is disrespectful and you guys have bigger issues than this threesome ordeal. If it is a deal breaker, does that mean you will do it? I think that is crazy, what if he loved it and you hated it but he wants to do it again, what then? Have a solid rock to stand on and no matter what you will have your respect in the end. I hope this helps

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  • yes shld he's an asshole, and he shldnt be wanting to have sex with ne1 else but you if he really does love u

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  • my boyfriend said the same thing.

    i'm a one mate only kind of girl and he has to deal with that.

    i told him if he wanted 2 girls at once then he could go find them and I'd be out of his life.

    i think its just a universal male dream. it's a load of crap in my mind.

    stand up for yourself

    maybe he's watching too much porn, not that porn is horrible. but lets leave the threesome and messed up stuff to the pornstars.

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