Can a guy ever feel used for sex?

I hooked up with a guy I'd been dating for a few months. Our relationship was somewhat strange though as I think he was always intimidated by me. He'd play hard to get and various other things to seem "cool," but a mutual friend said he's very interested and just isn't sure how to act with me because I'm different. We had sex, and haven't talked since. He hasn't called me, I haven't called him. This is weird as we talk at least once a week, so I assumed for him it was a hit it and quit it. But my mutual friend said, "Maybe he's thinking the same thing. That you just wanted sex and now you're over it." This idea was strange to me as I never think that guys EVER feel used for sex, they always assume the girl wants more. What do you guys think? Do guys ever feel this way, or is it more likely that he used me?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Depends on the guy. The thing is, the majority of sexually active guys aren't really looking for relationships - they're just looking for sex. With these guys, it's impossible for them to feel used, because sex is always their main goal.

    However, there are some guys out there who hold out on the sex and only have it when they really care about a girl. Thing is, with guys like these you'll usually tell when they genuinely like you and are interested in more than just sex, and you'll tell this BEFORE the sex actually happens.

    Then there are guys who start liking a girl way too soon and STILL like her (or like her even more) after they have sex with her. I'm a virgin, but I'm pretty sure I'm in this category (or perhaps I'm in this category BECAUSE I'm a virgin). Basically, I don't see myself sleeping with someone with whom I wouldn't want to date. It wouldn't be "just sex" with me, because I would want to keep in touch and at least give it a shot with her. I would get attached.

    So in a case where I end up having sex with a girl, and she decides to never see me again, yes I would be devastated. I don't think "used" would be the correct term for it, though. I dunno.

    • Well this guy has definitely slept around before and could be coined as a player. But I didn't fall for the games which is why our mutual friend said he liked me so much. She said she'd never seen him pursue a girl period, I wouldn't even kiss him for months much less fool around. He seemed so interested and borderline intimidated by me a lot. I"m shocked that when I finally slept with him (he knows I don't do that often) that he hasn't called. So I wonder if I was used or him?

    • & p.s. I don't know if it makes a difference. But I was very drunk when it happened, he knows this. And he also came kind of quick both times we did it so I wonder if he's embarrassed of his performance or something. We will see each other again so I don't know why he'd intentionally try to hurt me after everything he knows about me.

    • No idea. I'm pretty blunt about stuff though so if I were you I'd probably pick up the phone and be like "so hey uh... that night we had sex... are we just gonna leave it at that or do you want to hang out and stuff?". Obviously only do that if you see him as potential boyfriend material (someone you have things in common with and would be willing to have a relationship with). Otherwise I don't see why you're worrying about it, because what you'll be getting is a boring boyfriend. lol

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  • I have felt it. It is a great feeling. I wish I was used more often. He probably is embarrassed and doesn't know how (or if) he should proceed with you.

Most Helpful Girls

  • As much as the media portrays guys as sex obsessed emotionless jerks, they have feelings that get hurt too. They aren't impervious to getting their feelings hurt. They too can get attached to a girl who doesn't care about them.

  • yes men can. they don't like to think they are and take it a lot harder then women do. he is probably thinkng "i wasn't good in bed" things like that and their pride will stop them for making the first move

    • Interesting, thanks for the comment! I guess I just assumed that all guys understand it's usually their job to make first contact after sex, and if they don't, the woman should assume she was used. I'd never really thought that they had the same worries/fears.

    • some men do some don't... it just depends on the guy

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Ye I have felt it and I have been used in bed. The woman was a total manuser

    this song helped me get over her

    https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=TGjsyEH2r2I
    • I'm sorry to hear that :( Do you think most men are capable of feeling used but some just play it off? Or are there some guys that never feel used?

    • It was not a great feeling mostly because I found out she was sleeping with a ton of other guys. Including another guy 2 days before me. I just felt like, god she just uses men for sex, so I thought maybe I was special but she actually spreads her legs for everyone.

    • I've felt that way very recently so I feel your pain. I slept with my ex who right before confessed how much he loved me and wanted to get back together. Then I found out he slept with another girl the very next night. Even worse? I didn't know until a week later when I realized he had been switching her and I off every other night the whole week. I wanted to be sick.

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  • Yes, because some people realize sex actually has meaning & shouldn't be done with just anyone. If someone realizes they just gave themselves to someone & has a moral relation, they will feel used no matter what gender they are.

    • What if this person has screwed around a lot? I do feel he has a heart/morals, I know his family member really well. She said he's been hurt by his last girlfriend he was with for 4 years. But now he screws around a ton so I wonder if he ever feels used.

  • to be completely honest it almost seems like he used you... lol if you like getting revenge you could always pick up the phone and be like hey remember that night we did it.. well I'm prego now.

    • Or that his d*** is small and he came in 2 seconds...both of which are true lol