Sexual Health
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'Your virginity is the most precious gift you can give to a man' really?

I'm asking because I recently broke up with a guy because I felt he cared too much about it. He was great on the one hand, saying we could wait for marriage if I wanted to but on the other hand he said he would never date a girl who wasn't a virgin and he generally cared a lot about this, too much in my eyes. I think he should care more about me than about this, there were other things too but this was the main one Anyways I talked to a guy friend about it and he said I was an idiot because "They're all gonna care a lot. Your virginity is the most precious gift you can give to a man" Is that true? I mean I don't care at all if a guy is a virgin or not, why do guys appearently care so much? And am I wrong for feeling they shouldn't?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I agree with you and I think you were right for ending things with him.

    People with that kind of point of view are basically saying that your virginity defines your value as a person and as a romantic partner. That's appalling to me. Think about it, if you weren't a virgin, he wouldn't have dated you, despite the fact that you might be a beautiful, loving, caring, kind, intelligent, funny person. All of your other qualities matter less to him than your virginity.

    I can understand to an extent a virgin preferring to lose their virginity to another virgin, but I think it would be silly to pass up being with someone you like/are very compatible with simply because they are not a virgin. But I saw in your comments that this guy wasn't a virgin himself---that's incredibly hypocritical, and if he really believes that virginity is so valuable, he should have held himself to the same standards.

    Personally, I agree with Evangeliina---virginity isn't a gift or an accomplishment. Virginity is simply the state of having never had sex before. I can understand feeling honored if someone chooses to lose their virginity to you (if they've been saving it for the "right" person, it would mean that they're saying that you're that person, and it can feel good that a person sees you in that way and trusts you), but that's about the extent of it (and you might end up trusting and caring even more deeply for someone else down the road).

    When it comes down to it, seeing virginity as a "precious gift" is basically just an ego/pride thing when the guy isn't a virgin himself. He either:

    1. Feels like a stud or like he's superior to other guys when he gets to be a girl's first;

    2. Is insecure if a girl has had previous partners (i.e. worries about how he measures up);

    3. He has the incredibly immature view that a woman is "used up" or has lost her value if she has had sex before.

    Personally, I would stay clear of guys like this.

  • Um... IT IS THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT! Cause your virginity is the only thing you lose but can never gain back. You want to lose it to someone you love and would marry to. When it's the first time for both of you, you guys would be comfortable and love each other and not judge one another. And since you would be married, there wouldn't be any break up and heart ache. Everything else in your body is important but you can gain it back by doing some surgery or something. But you can't earn your virginity back, and you would lose it to someone you know that isn't going to last forever.

  • I don't think that being a virgin or not is a good enough reason to not even give a person a chance. HOWEVER, I do believe that your virginity is a very special gift that you can only give to one man in your life. There is really no better gift than that for your wedding night, because that is the gift of yourself, something that can't be reproduced and something that is unique to you. So, yes, it is the most precious gift you can give.

Most Helpful Guys

  • No!

    Ok, so I've never slept with a virgin, so I don't exactly know what it's like to be "given someone's virginity" but its not that big a deal. At the age of 16-18 when most people are virgins, then it's kinda of special, and it's nice to loose your virginity together with someone who you really feel close to, but even then its not a massive thing. Now I'm 21, I wouldn't expect a girlfriend to be a virgin. I'm not saying everyone should loose their virginity by 21, just that a lot of people do, and I certainly wouldn't be put off if she wasn't a virgin. If anything I'd probably be slightly put off by it because I'd feel like there was a lot of pressure on me and things to make her first time good.

    My guess is that this guy is a virgin (right?) and he's scared that if he sleeps with someone who isn't a virgin, they will have higher expectations of him. He'll feel a lot of pressure to "beat" whoever she's slept with before, whereas if he sleeps with a virgin then she'll have nothing to compare him with so he'll be ok.

    Basically, virginity is special and nice to give to someone you're close with, especially if they're a virgin too, but how many people don't have sex until marriage? Very few! Te vast majority of people will have sex with someone else before the person they marry - it doesn't mean that they're not going to find anyone who'll have them because they've been used. Get real!

    Hope this helps, sorry it was a bit of a rant, I just saw that some people had said yes it is special and believe me, by 21 or 25, or 30, it really isn't special at all.

    :)

    • no he was not a virgin but he expeted his girlfriend to be one, that was the worst part. But ya that was really helpful, thx

    • What!? That's just incredibly hypocritical. Maybe he just has a thing for 'sweet innocent girls' or something then. Just a guess, could be anything really. By the way, if you want more help/my opinion on whether or not you should have broken up with him for it, can you clarify, are you a virgin or not? or did you loose your virginity to him?

    • no I haven't slept with

  • Its the biggest compliment you can ever give yourself to a boy, he will feel special being your first, and pleased that no man has ever touched you before him, but some blokes will do anything to claim this talent, so beware of the blokes who will use you and tell you what you want to hear just so they can shag a virgin. But its not the virginity most blokes rate, its the girl, the fact that the girl is a virgin, is what we rate, it makes her clean, not easy, sensible and has a lot of self respect, which is very attractive in a girl to a bloke who won't use you or abuse your talents, be safe,x

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Virginity is apart of nature; we're all born virgins.

    It's not a gift or accomplishment.

    I would have dumped him also. Placing such heavy emphasis on virginity is a definite negative.

  • Why call it a gift? After you have sex, the guy does not somehow 'gain' your virginity. It's gone, and nobody cares, because it never had any value to begin with.

    • lol wow. "it never had any value to begin with"...I would have to disagree..you must be an atheist.

    • I must be.

  • Virginity is something in some cultures that is overly valued, I should know I've been with a lot of men. I was even with the guy I lost it to for over a year. I have also taken people's virginity and felt nothing special about it. It just depends on a person's culture

  • Im so happy for you. Glad you broke up with him. You should shove away all the people who are like that. Negative energy is not needed. Moron he is.

  • its really good that you broke up with him,and do the same thing whenever you come across people like this...let them come out from their narrow mindedness...

    whenever you commit your self to a relationship,all you have in your hands is to take care of your present and future,you can't do anything with your past,so even talking about it is a waste of time.

    Its not important whether you are virgin or not,the thing that should matter is that whether you are fully involved in the relation or not.

    apart from it everyone has their physical requirements,thers nothing wrong in it.

  • I think your virginity is something special but from the looks of the Q I can see many people dont. I had sex with a virgin before and I thought it was kinda special that she let me be the first. Me and her are very good friends now. but I think when girls actually care about things like this and who they have sex with in general, it sets them apart from other girls. Gives them the 1 up on sluts, and other girls alike.

  • A winning lottery ticket would be appreciated greatly

    • lol ya, absolutley

  • I agree with you. Some guys care others don't. If a man makes such a huge deal over a womans virginity it makes him seem chauvinistic and like her vagina matters more than she does.

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