I was in shock and didn't confess it was rape until two weeks after it happened, which made things complicated with doctors and stuff and especially my boyfriend because I didn't tell him it was rape.
I know that was stupid, but bear with me this is a hard time and I'm dealing with some tough psychological stuff! (the counselors at the assault clinic said it's normal) I finally told him about a week ago and he said he had to think and would call me...
he still hasn't called me and I know that's a lot to think about, but it's making it hard to deal with the rest of the stuff I have going on. Plus, I always respected him and loved his outlook on life so if I had something going on, I'd always go to him about it...now I don't really have anyone...and a big boyfriend hug would make me feel so much better.
With the rape I felt like I lost my sense of security, some sanity and now I feel like I've lost my best friend. what can I do?
not sure that anyone cares about this...but he FINALLY called and demanded to know the guy's name, age, high school, height, weight, hair color, ethnicity, what kind of car he drives, where he goes to school now, if he played sports in high school etc. I guess he wants to kill the guy or something and is angry that I won't do anything about the situation. He said that he feels like there's nothing he can do...and there was lots of choked up man-silence. so yeah.
He's a creep he's a creep. Sorry to say this but he's a creep.
From all that has happened to you, your boyfriend should be totally supportive - not distancing himself. That is SO UNFAIR of him because it seems like it's a time when you really could use a friend. I just hope he gets his act together and realizes that his support is important.
To clarify, does your boyfriend think you willingly slept with someone else? If so, I think you need to be honest with him. Simply tell him the truth: you were raped and you have been overwhelmed so you didn't tell anyone.
Once he knows and has had some time to process, I think it would be worth another chat even if you have to initiate it. See if he would meet you to talk face to face. Once there, just be honest: you miss him and could really use his support.
I can certainly understand your guy also being confused and overwhelmed, but given the truth of the situation, I think he should at least be there to provide some comfort and support.
Regardless of what he does, try to find a support group of women to connect with to help your healing.
I don't know what to tell you Sweetie. Were I in his shoes, a hug would be the first thing I'd want to give you...followed closely by a lot of TLC. I'm guessing that he just doesn't know what to do. Call him and tell him you really need him and to please call you. If he doesn't respond to that, seek solace with someone else...a girlfriend, or a guy who's just a friend. THOSE people won't let you down.
It's important to tell your counsler about your boyfriend. Most of all don't blame yourself for him leaving. At least now you know what kind of man he is. You need to think about yourself right know. I don't know how old this guy is or how long you've know him, but if he comes back and does anything less than helping you throught this time tell him to leave.
It seems like your boyfriend was in shock about it and/or he didn't know the right things to do or say after you first told him. I just read your update. I'm glad your boyfriend opened up communication with you again! Him being angry about the situation is valid-it means he really cares about you. I'm sorry you were raped. :( It's a very awful thing for someone to go through. Counseling is good for you right now-keep going to counseling if you need to. The rape was not your fault and whoever thinks it was your fault is dumb and insensitive.
what a jerk! I can't decide if this is a turn off for him or if he's just so upset, he doesn't know what to say to you
maybe you should reach out to him one more time
I'm so sorry. That happened to me too except I was single. I don't know what to say about the boyfriend but I do know it is easier to say you consented than admit he forced you. I hope you get better. Things will be okay and the right guy will be understanding. Maybe he is just in shock.
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