I was raped, now my boyfriend won't talk to me.. what do I DO?
I was in shock and didn't confess it was rape until two weeks after it happened, which made things complicated with doctors and stuff and especially my boyfriend because I didn't tell him it was rape.
I know that was stupid, but bear with me this is a hard time and I'm dealing with some tough psychological stuff! (the counselors at the assault clinic said it's normal) I finally told him about a week ago and he said he had to think and would call me...
he still hasn't called me and I know that's a lot to think about, but it's making it hard to deal with the rest of the stuff I have going on. Plus, I always respected him and loved his outlook on life so if I had something going on, I'd always go to him about it...now I don't really have anyone...and a big boyfriend hug would make me feel so much better.
With the rape I felt like I lost my sense of security, some sanity and now I feel like I've lost my best friend. what can I do?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
If I went through the same thing you did...
My ex lover would hunt the f***er down and make sure the guy ended up at the bottom of the Pacific or something.
What's there to "think about"? You were raped. It's not "Oh she willingly did this to me", he needs to grow a pair and take care of his lady.
And if he can't do that, f*** that guy. He's no friend.
Tell him plain and simple "I am having a difficult time right now and I need you. I need my best friend, I need to feel secure."
If he can't do that, he's not worth anything.
What Guys Said 9
It's important to tell your counsler about your boyfriend. Most of all don't blame yourself for him leaving. At least now you know what kind of man he is. You need to think about yourself right know. I don't know how old this guy is or how long you've know him, but if he comes back and does anything less than helping you throught this time tell him to leave.
I don't know what to tell you Sweetie. Were I in his shoes, a hug would be the first thing I'd want to give you...followed closely by a lot of TLC. I'm guessing that he just doesn't know what to do. Call him and tell him you really need him and to please call you. If he doesn't respond to that, seek solace with someone else...a girlfriend, or a guy who's just a friend. THOSE people won't let you down.
He's a creep he's a creep. Sorry to say this but he's a creep.
From all that has happened to you, your boyfriend should be totally supportive - not distancing himself. That is SO UNFAIR of him because it seems like it's a time when you really could use a friend. I just hope he gets his act together and realizes that his support is important.
PS He's a creep
To clarify, does your boyfriend think you willingly slept with someone else? If so, I think you need to be honest with him. Simply tell him the truth: you were raped and you have been overwhelmed so you didn't tell anyone.
Once he knows and has had some time to process, I think it would be worth another chat even if you have to initiate it. See if he would meet you to talk face to face. Once there, just be honest: you miss him and could really use his support.
I can certainly understand your guy also being confused and overwhelmed, but given the truth of the situation, I think he should at least be there to provide some comfort and support.
Regardless of what he does, try to find a support group of women to connect with to help your healing.
If he can't be there for you at a time like this, and if he can't understand why it would be difficult for you to say anything for a few weeks, then he is not such a great friend.
The only thing you can do is say to him: "get your act together and call me, cause I need you now! Or if you can't, don't call me at all."
What Girls Said 3
1. I was raped, now my boyfriend won't talk to me.. what do I DO? Accept that you f*cked up and moved on.
You probably waited too long to correct him that it was rape not cheating so most likely he doesn't believe you.
Most guys think girls lie about rape & most guys think if a girl is says she was raped it means she had sex or drunk sex and later on regretted it.
2. what can I do? Get some rape therapy, join a supporter group, and learn some self-defense.